


skate fast eat ass

by cryptic_potato



Series: skate fast eat ass universe [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Fist Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gay Bucky Barnes, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Parties, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, School Dances, Slow Burn, The Author Regrets Everything, Tony and Steve are Exes, Trans Peter Parker, critics called infinity war the most ambitious crossover of the year, just get through them and you’ll find some quality content, the first few chapters lowkey suck, they obviously haven’t read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-08-01 18:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 47
Words: 54,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16289576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptic_potato/pseuds/cryptic_potato
Summary: nattytaffy: I have good news and bad newsfalconfratboy: Whatnattytaffy: Good news- bucky and clint aren’t deadfalconfratboy: Bad news?nattytaffy: They’re under custody at the police station for beating up a hotdog stand guyfalconfratboy: i’m so proudor: the self indulgent high school au gc fic where all the kids are trying their best(drawings, questions concerns suggestions etc at my instagram @cryptic_potato).





	1. no homo

**Author's Note:**

> whatsup i’m billy mays and i never fucking learned how to use ao3 so now’s a good time
> 
> background info:  
> -they’re all in either junior or senior year, and either 17 or 18 this goes for almost every character in this fic other than peter  
> -mostly stucky centric  
> -bucky is a huge slut
> 
> yeah that’s it for now i doubt this will be remotely successful but! i’m gonna try!! thanks for reading ily
> 
> (thor and bucky’s usernames were taken from the wonderful fic ‘Avengers Squad’ !! check it out if u haven’t!!)

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

tuesday, 1:57 PM

katniss: look man

katniss: i’m not gay

katniss: but i would let daniel radcliffe fuck me raw

falconfratboy: What the fuck

wintersmoulder: 1st of all

katniss: i’m just comfortable w my sexuality ever heard of it

wintersmoulder: no not that it’s just that you’d let h a r r y. p o t t e r raw you???????

katniss: HES HOT

wintersmoulder: u know who is hot?? chris evans

wintersmoulder: what a man

katniss: fight the power you bitch

falconfratboy: As a token cis straight man i’d better stay out of this one

katniss: IM STRAIGHT TOO YOU DONT SEE ME GHOSTING THE CHAT

nattytaffy: Will you losers please shut the hell up we’re in the middle of class?

nattytaffy: I’m taking a spanish quiz

wintersmoulder: i see u you’re smiling nat

wintersmoulder: embrace the gays

nattytaffy: Sigh

nattytaffy: Take. Your. Test. You. Are. Failing. This. Class.

katniss: hey hey hey man have you SEEN daniel radcliffe in the woman in black

wintersmoulder: the conjuring was so much better

katniss: OH

katniss: OKAY

nattytaffy: 3

nattytaffy: 2

wintersmoulder: SHUT UP CLINT

katniss: nat:(

 

—

 

tuesday, 3:37 PM

nattytaffy: Clint get to the batmobile asap

katniss: i’m omw ms purcell was being a bullshit spitting asshole again

nattytaffy: What did she do

katniss: nothing i was just being annoying lmao

katniss: let’s hit up the town shall we malady

nattytaffy: Clint.

nattytaffy: You’re not annoying

katniss: jjsjjsjsjs i know that jit 

wintersmoulder: yeah man you’re not annoying Purcell is just a mythic bitch who should’ve retired when the dinosaurs were around

katniss: ik i was trying to test her patience

nattytaffy: let’s just go

nattytaffy: Buck do you need a ride?

wintersmoulder: nah my dad is picking me up in his ferrari

katniss: miss me w that rich shit

wintersmoulder: lmao

wintersmoulder: i’m jealous of these fuckers who leave the school at literally 10 AM because they did dual enrollment in freshman and sophomore

nattytaffy: Why didn’t you, then

wintersmoulder: i’d rather die

wintersmoulder: who the fuck has time for that

nattytaffy: Freshmen and Sophomores.

wintersmoulder: NO WAY

wintersmoulder: speaking of freshmans and sophomores i met a twink named peter today

falconfratboy: We been knew that quill was a twink??

wintersmoulder: not him, it’s a new peter

wintersmoulder: he skipped a grade so he’s supposed to be in 10th grade but now he’s a junior

katniss: that’s. too much power for a child to have

falconfratboy: ^^

nattytaffy: Clint you’re the one who robbed the school store of 50 erasers at 3 am and caused a campus-wide manhunt of the culprit in freshman year

falconfratboy: I remember that

falconfratboy: I had to get a pat down because some bitch said I was acting “sUspiCiOus” fucking bitch

katniss: jjsjsjsjsjs

wintersmoulder: yeah but peter is cool

wintersmoulder: he let me copy his notes when i fell asleep

wintersmoulder: and he radiates big bi energy

nattytaffy: I’m intrigued

wintersmoulder: so obviously i took the initiative and told him ‘hey u know what you’re an unpopular nerd with no friends come sit with me and the other cool kids at lunch from now on i just gave u a free ride through high school yw’

wintersmoulder: and he said yes

katniss: add the twink to the chat then

wintersmoulder: idk his screen name

nattytaffy: sigh

nattytaffy: Get it tomorrow at lunch then

katniss: we stan

wintersmoulder: everyone say it with me SAM IS A PUSSY

katniss: SAM IS A PUSSY

falconfratboy: WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO

wintersmoulder: nothing i just wanted to see if you would be summoned

wintersmoulder: and u were

falconfratboy: Every day i feel more and more attacked by none other than bucky barnes the local man hoe

wintersmoulder: i resent that

wintersmoulder: jk i’m a hoe for life

nattytaffy: I’m just gonna ask Bruce to get his screen name for me

nattytaffy: I need another normal person in my life

katniss: :(

 

—

 

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

tuesday, 4:07 PM

irondaddy: bruceeee

greenandmean: Yes?

irondaddy: how do you tell a guy that you think he’s hot without creeping him out

irondaddy: like, i would smash you if you asked but not aggressively so like i’m not passionate about wanting to fuck you

irondaddy: you know

greenandmean: Not really.

greenandmean: Who’s the guy

irondaddy: this kid in physics

irondaddy: i don’t wanna sound weird but i could listen to his voice for hours

greenandmean: ah

greenandmean: Just don’t say any of that.

irondaddy: how did u and thor get together then if you’re such an expert

greenandmean: Long story

greenandmean: very rom-commy

irondaddy: :-(

greenandmean: There was angsty kissing in the rain

greenandmean: And I almost broke his nose

irondaddy: i just want to be the protagonist of a rom com

irondaddy: but sadly i’m too good for everyone

irondaddy: OH YEAH BTW MY LIKE 3RD COUSIN TWICE REMOVED TRANSFERRED HERE TODAY

irondaddy: HIS NAME IS PETER

greenandmean: Parker?

irondaddy: yes

greenandmean: We’ve met

irondaddy: Isn’t he great

irondaddy: he’s a nerd like u

greenandmean: He’s cool

irondaddy: can he be a science bro too

greenandmean: go ahead

irondaddy added peterparkour to the chat

irondaddy: petey this is bruce you’ve met

peterparkour: oh yeah i have

peterparkour: hello bruce

greenandmean: Hey Peter

irondaddy: congrts ur a science bro now

peterparkour: wow cool

irondaddy: so peter do u think anyone here is cute

peterparkour: cute?

irondaddy: u’d smash

peterparkour: ah

peterparkour: not yet

peterparkour: well maybe one guy

greenandmean: IM GAY FOR MY BOYFRIEND

irondaddy: THOR GIVE BRUCE HIS PHONE BACK

greenandmean: THOU CAN SUCK MY ASS STARK

irondaddy: THOR IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU

peterparkour: i’m crying

irondaddy: STAY FUCKING CALM BRUCE

irondaddy: IM GONNA FIND YOu

greenandmean: FUCK OFF HES MINE

—

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

tuesday, 4:15 PM

falconfratboy: I just saw the quarterback thor odinson sprinting down the hall holding bruce banner bridal style

falconfratboy: oh shit i just saw tony stark chasing them

wintersmoulder: young love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote the first chapter of this shitpost instead of doing my group project and i regret nothing


	2. boba tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is in the squad. bucky is thirsty for a man. bruce and tony are the bearers of bad news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR ALL THE SWEET FEEDBACK ON THE FIRST CHAPTER IM GONNA CRY!!!!!! this ones a little boring (just,, there’s no big shenanigans) but it’s filled with plot so B)
> 
> trigger warning for the f slur towards the end of the chapter, not explicitly used but still stated briefly

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

wednesday, 8:41 AM

nattytaffy: I found the kid’s screen name

falconfratboy: Nat lets bet on how long it will take for bucky or clint to freak this kid out until he leaves the chat

nattytaffy: Bold of you to assume I’d bet on something inevitable.

nattytaffy added peterparkour to the chat

wintersmoulder: hey petttteeeeeyyyyyy ;)))

nattytaffy: No

wintersmoulder: greetings sapling****

peterparkour: oh hi

peterparkour: bucky is that u

wintersmoulder: what gave it away

peterparkour: you smoulder a lot

katniss: LMAO

katniss: i’m clint aka the COOLEST GUY YOULL EVER MEET

nattytaffy: I’m Natasha you can call me Nat, Natty, Tasha, or any variation as long as it’s not fucking stupid

wintersmoulder: stop shading me 

wintersmoulder: nasha is a very valid nickname 

nattytaffy: You can call bucky a dumbass

wintersmoulder: what did i do:(((

nattytaffy: I just remembered a time when you lost our snapchat streak

falconfratboy: What’s up kid I’m Sam the meme man

peterparkour: omg do you eat ass smoke grass and sled fast

falconfratboy: Yes 

katniss: FINALLY SOMEONE WHO GETS IT

katniss: CANWE KEEP HI M

wintersmoulder: YES

katniss: AWW YEAH BOYYYYYYYYYYY

nattytaffy: You all are such dorks

wintersmoulder: U LOVE IT 

peterparkour: something tells me i’m gonna regret every second of this 

falconfratboy: Youre not wrong

wintersmoulder: DONT FUCKING SCARE HIM AWAY

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 3:30 PM

wintersmoulder: PETER DO YOU HAVE PLANS

peterparkour: u mean plans after school? no

wintersmoulder: GET IN MY CAR WE’RE ALL GETTING BOBA

wintersmoulder: ON ME

peterparkour: omg ok

katniss: HNAG ON IM GONNA HAVE AN ANEURYSM

falconfratboy: Me and Nat are coming

katniss: FREE BOBAAAJAHAIWHSSHSJWIIWJSJ. SNSNN

wintersmoulder: bro i’m pissed at ms purcell i’ve never wanted someone to die more

nattytaffy: James.

wintersmoulder: i’m jk

wintersmoulder: i hate her though ughh

peterparkour: what happened ??

wintersmoulder: she accused me of cheating bc of my arm??

katniss: ???????????

wintersmoulder: ‘u can see the reflection of others papers on your arm pull down your sleeve’ what the fuck,what the fuck kind of motherfucking snake ass trick ass cunt licking long titty no nipple having ass what

falconfratboy: 1st of all fuck her

falconfratboy: 2nd of all i mean that’s a pretty good idea

peterparkour: maybe if she got it through her thick skull that it’s not your problems, it’s her own that piss her off so much then she’d actually mind her damn business for once instead of making shit up just so she feels like an authority figure

katniss: insert ‘wow’ vine here

katniss: woww 

wintersmoulder: SPITTING BARS

nattytaffy: You’re my son now

nattytaffy: Clint you’ve been replaced

peterparkour: i’m outside which one is your car bucky??

falconfratboy: You won’t miss it

peterparkour: BEEZUS BUCKING CHRIST THATS YOUR CAR

wintersmoulder: IM RICH OKAY I GET IT

wintersmoulder: but this rich kid still can’t get a man :(

katniss: rip

 

—

 

wednesday, 6:07 PM

peterparkour: thank you guys again!!

peterparkour: my aunt likes you guys a lot too

nattytaffy: No problem your aunt is hot

katniss: NATASHA

falconfratboy: ***she is a very nice lady

katniss: no prob bob it was fun

peterparkour: oh yeah i forgot to ask something

wintersmoulder: go ahead

peterparkour: ok so there’s this one kid in my gym class with like, these burns on some parts of his body??

peterparkour: he’s in Sam’s homeroom

falconfratboy: Oh you mean /that/ guy

peterparkour: ,, i mean yeah ig

peterparkour: do u not like him

falconfratboy: Oof no it’s not because of the burns or anything

falconfratboy: He’s just a smartass

peterparkour: ah

peterparkour: do you know his name

falconfratboy: Yeah it’s Wade Wilson

katniss: w i l s o n

falconfratboy: fuck off

katniss: why ??was he mean to u peter ill stab a bitch

peterparkour: nah don’t worry about it

peterparkour: gn guys!

katniss: gn

wintersmoulder: good night you funky little man you

 

—

 

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 6:49 PM

irondaddy: okay bete

greenandmean: Nice name

irondaddy: so first off i’d like to say that i trust u and your judgement

irondaddy: but why the fuck are people telling me that you sat with bucky barnes and his friends at lunch today

peterparkour: because i did

irondaddy: listen kid that guy is bad news

peterparkour: he seems nice though???

irondaddy: bruce help me out here

greenandmean: Yeah i’m not really that familiar with barnes but i can tell you he’s pretty intense

greenandmean: got a lot of internal angst in him you know

irondaddy: You should steer clear of them

peterparkour: what did he do

peterparkour: they all seem nice, they took me to get boba

irondaddy: they did w h a t

greenandmean: Boba

irondaddy: did they.. poison you

peterparkour: no???? they’re genuinely cool people but go off

peterparkour: bruce I thought you liked natasha

greenandmean: Well, yeah, Nat is cool

greenandmean: She’s responsible

greenandmean: I can’t say the same about Bucky or Clint. Even Sam, I’m pretty sure he’s jumped off at least a few roofs

irondaddy: okay kid i’m gonna lay it straight

irondaddy: bucky barnes has issues. i’m positive you’ve noticed the metal arm

peterparkour: I didn’t want to ask

irondaddy: it wasn’t an accident what happened to his arm

irondaddy: just

irondaddy: sigh if you’re gonna hang around bucky then be careful

peterparkour: ok

 

—

BOOM BITCH GET OUT THE WAY  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)

wednesday, 9:50 PM

wintersmoulder: ITS RANTING HOUR

nattytaffy: go ahead

wintersmoulder: alright but this is lowkey serious and it’s bothering me so

wintersmoulder: i’m probably gonna skip school tomorrow just because i can

nattytaffy: ...

wintersmoulder: alright so this morning my dad was like lowkey being a real asshole

wintersmoulder: and i love him you know, he’s a good dad but he just said some some stuff that cut deep and he didn’t realize it

wintersmoulder: then when i was pulling into the school there were these kids staring and calling me a fag i could just tell

wintersmoulder: then ms purcell brought up my arm so i had a very small panic attack in the bathroom

nattytaffy: small?

wintersmoulder: very small

wintersmoulder: and yeah i had a bad dream last night too but idf like getting into it

nattytaffy: I’m sorry

nattytaffy: tomorrow will be better

wintersmoulder: yeah but what if it isn’t

nattytaffy: Then it’ll happen eventually

wintersmoulder: okay but nat you need to promise that you won’t tell anyone

nattytaffy: I wouldn’t but why not

wintersmoulder: I have a reputation to uphold

nattytaffy: I promise

nattytaffy: but you can’t just lock yourself in your room tomorrow like you do every time

wintersmoulder: Don’t worry about me

wintersmoulder: You have bigger problems than a kid who can’t get his shit together

nattytaffy: You’re not a problem

nattytaffy: I’ll get your homework for you

nattytaffy: Eat something tomorrow

wintersmoulder: <3

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steeb will most likely appear in the next chapter to get the plot kickin


	3. sam you dumbass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky comes back to school. bruce and tony are dumbasses. the guardians of the galaxy are weird. sam gets in a pickle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i say that steve was gonna be in this chapter??? welp i lied he’s gonna be in the next:( i don’t want this to be rushed but stucky will happen i promise

—

 

super mario bros  
members:  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

thursday, 10:21 AM

katniss: hey buck ??:(

wintersmoulder: yeah what’s up

katniss: so ik you want to be alone and have space rn and i totally get it

katniss: you have a lot of shit to deal with

katniss: and you try playing it off like you’re always fine

katniss: but are you gucci

wintersmoulder: yeah man

katniss: are u capping me man i can sense the bullshit through the screen

wintersmoulder: i’m cool i just needed a break

wintersmoulder: i’ll be back in school tomorrow

wintersmoulder: just make sure sam doesn’t punch peter quill in p.e like last week

wintersmoulder: and our peter isn’t forced by prissy 14 year olds to do their homework because let’s face it he would do it

wintersmoulder: or nat doesn’t skip too many classes while smoking in the bathroom

wintersmoulder: and u need to eat the fucking apples u pussy ur gonna shrivel up and die from only eating chips at lunch

katniss: sure buck

katniss: love you man

wintersmoulder: love you too

 

—

 

science bros redux  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

thursday, 2:37 PM

irondaddy: I TOLD YOU TO MOVE THE FUCKING BURNER BRUCE

greenandmean: I DID?

greenandmean: DONT EVEN TRY TO BLAME ME TONY

irondaddy: IM NOT

greenandmean: YES YOU ARE?

greenandmean: IT WAS NEITHER OF OUR FAULTS

greenandmean: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

irondaddy: IM SORRY

irondaddy: im just stressed out :(((

greenandmean: So is 30% of the student population who can’t access the science labs so........

greenandmean: or -the entire west side of campus-

irondaddy: howard’s gonna be pissed at me

irondaddy: fuck what do i tell him

greenandmean: Shit

greenandmean: Look, I’d offer for you to stay with me but my dad is home and I doubt you’d want to

irondaddy: i wouldn’t do that to u in the first place

irondaddy: ughhhhhhhhh i’ll just. not go home until midnight

greenandmean: I’m sorry I yelled at you Tony

irondaddy: come on man

irondaddy: i’m sorry i blamed u before

irondaddy: and i didn’t say anything when fury was yelling at u

irondaddy: i was jus tscared

greenandmean: I understand

greenandmean: Look I’m gonna stay with Thor tonight

greenandmean: If you need anything then you’ll let me know, right?

irondaddy: you got it fam

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 7:45 AM

wintersmoulder: i’m back bitches

peterparkour: yayyyyy bucky

wintersmoulder: did anyone die when i was absent

peterparkour: well

falconfratboy: Tony Stark and Bruce banner set a fire to the science lab

falconfratboy: and T’Challa is kinda going insane

katniss: sam if u think tchalla was mad then you obviously didn’t see pepper and peggy yesterday

peterparkour: oh are they the girls with the student council buttons??

peterparkour: are they and t’challa in the student council

wintersmoulder: yep that’s them

nattytaffy: You really didn’t miss anything other than the school giving special passes to Tony for being rich and Bruce for being ‘future valedictorian’

falconfratboy: Truth tea, sister

peterparkour: Tony has always been privileged cos of stuff like that

katniss: wdym didn’t u just meet him

peterparkour: he’s my cousin

falconfratboy: ..

katniss: wait what the fuck??????????

katniss: NO HE ISNT

wintersmoulder: wtf

peterparkour: well he’s my 3rd cousin twice removed

peterparkour: and only by marriage

wintersmoulder: what the fuck.what the fuck kind of hoe faced shit bag 

nattytaffy: Interesting

katniss: IM CALLING BS

katniss: WHY DIDNT U SAU SO SOONER

peterparkour: it didn’t come up!!

peterparkour: besides we’re not even /technically/ related and we don’t even talk a lot

wintersmoulder: but he’s so cocky and rich and you’re so

wintersmoulder: not???

katniss: bucky so are you

wintersmoulder: but i’m not prissy like stark is

peterparkour: i don’t talk about it a lot i guess

wintersmoulder: welp anyways i’m back

wintersmoulder: and i want death

nattytaffy: Did you spend all night watching romantic comedies again

wintersmoulder: what else would i do w/ my time

 

—

 

friday, 12:57 PM

peterparkour: hey guys??????

katniss: what happened peter

nattytaffy: How do you know something happened

katniss: i can feel the energy in the air

katniss: something bad happened

peterparkour: yeahhhhhhh

peterparkour: so sam was arguing with peter quill in the lunch line about that movie footloose I think?

peterparkour: and then quill was like ‘u wanna take this in the hallway bird boy’

peterparkour: so sam followed him so naturally i followed too

peterparkour: and then sam punched him

nattytaffy: Fuck

wintersmoulder: peter wtf

wintersmoulder: where are you

peterparkour: hiding in the janitor’s closet

katniss: IM COMING TO GET YOU PETE

nattytaffy: Why are you in the janitor’s closet

peterparkour: idk all of quill’s crew started running away when fury and coulson saw and went for sam so i did too

peterparkour: i’m sneaking out hang on

katniss: WAIT IM COMIFNMS?????

wintersmoulder: i’ll handle quill wherever he is

peterparkour: but quill doesn’t even seem like. a threat just a weird guy who’s very enthusiastic about footloose

nattytaffy: We know that

nattytaffy: Quill has been around since 7th grade, he’s just a guy

nattytaffy: I’ll handle Sam since Ms. Hill likes me

wintersmoulder: okay i have no idea where quill is i think they left the school

nattytaffy: it’s fine

nattytaffy: Just get to lunch

 

—

 

friday, 1:03 PM

nattytaffy: Ms. Hill says that Sam will most likely get a warning but he might get sent home for the day

nattytaffy: He’s still getting chewed out in Fury’s office

wintersmoulder: what about quill

nattytaffy: Well they can’t find him or his group so they only have Sam’s story

peterparkour: well

peterparkour: they could have mine

peterparkour: but clint refuses to turn me in

katniss: we can’t afford to get you in trouble

katniss: snitches end up in ditches

nattytaffy: You mean ‘snitches get stitches’

katniss: i mean what i said

katniss: can you believe i have to be in ms. purcell’s class three times a day????????

peterparkour: r.i.p.

katniss: bc stark and banner can’t get their shit together so now we have to wait 3 weeks until stark industries can rebuild it for us to go to lab again

katniss: i’ve never wanted to go to science more than now

wintersmoulder: 80% of the time spent on this chat is us flaming ms. purcell

katniss: :(

 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’d like to clarify that quill and the other guardians of the galaxy aren’t meant to be bullies or threats or anything quill and sam just don’t like each other
> 
> when i was imagining the fight i was picturing something with the same energy as that scene in infinity war where they met tony, strange and peter,, so like really goofy and not 100% serious


	4. america man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keeping up with the odinsons. peter wants to know the truth about bucky. bucky finds a potential new man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im writing this chapter on a school laptop send me a postcard
> 
> yeah i love the odinson trio so obviously they have to have their own gc (bruce is there because loki said he's a future odinson and now i cant stop crying)
> 
> anyways .i stan everyone who leaves a kudos and a comment omg i love you AND LONG CHAPTER YEAH MAN

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

friday, 5:26 PM

mrmischief: Thor, you should bring Bruce over again

rawrimadinothor: WHY

mrmischief: He’s cooler than you

helayeahman: yeah he is

rawrimadinothor: RUDE

mrmischief: I only spit the truth

greenandmean: Why am I even here

mrmischief: Balance

rawrimadinothor: bruce do you want to stay  
over again?

rawrimadinothor: No homo

greenandmean: Oh my God

mrmischief: Do it

mrmischief: We can talk about biology

mrmischief: More specifically the biology of  
snakes and other cold blooded reptiles

greenandmean: I mean sure

greenandmean: That sounds fun

helayeahman: dont force the kid

helayeahman: normally i wouldnt show concern for other's wellbeing or feelings but bruce is good at painting nails

greenandmean: Actually I'd like to come over again, I'd rather not deal with my parents right now

greenandmean: But only if we can watch Mean girls

mrmischief: We watch mean girls every night regardless

rawrimadinothor: HEATHERS IS BETTER

mrmischief: Shut the fuck up thor you trick ass bitch

rawrimadinothor: NO

mrmischief: Suck my dick

rawrimadinothor: YOU SUCK MINE

helayeahman: i thought that was bruce's job

greenandmean: I'm going to turn off my phone now

—

friday, 11:39 PM

mrmischief: THOR JUST ATE MY SANDAL

greenandmean: What the fuck?

greenandmean: I’m never kissing him again

rawrimadinothor: NO I DIDNT

mrmischief: NOT THE DUMBASS HUMAN THE SNAKE

helayeahman: i told u not to name the fucking snake after thor

helayeahman: name it after something cooler

rawrimadinothor: I FEEL ATTACKED IN MY OWN HOME

mrmischief: MY SANDAL IS STILL GONE??????

mrmischief: IM GOING TO CRY

mrmischief: MY OTHER SANDAL IS SO LONELY

mrmischief: LAME HUMAN THOR WILL YOU EAT THE OTHER

rawrimadinothor: NO

rawrimadinothor: BRUCE BANNER TO THE FOYER I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU

helayeahman: no fuck off he’s doing face masks w me

helayeahman: get ur own guy

rawrimadinothor: He’s my boyfriend!!!!

greenandmean: I am, in fact, his boyfriend

helayeahman: tskkkkkkkkkkkk fine just go kid

greenandmean: Alright

mrmischief: If you see a fire in the backyard don’t be alarmed

helayeahman: loki u know how pissed dad will be if you burn the grass again

greenandmean: -Again-

rawrimadinothor: Loki what are you setting on fire that was huge

mrmischief: My other sandal?? obviously 

rawrimadinothor: :-(

helayeahman: hey assholes are we gonna watch mean girls or no

mrmischief: Whatever bitch you’re just gonna fall asleep anyways

helayeahman: 

rawrimadinothor: Oh no

helayeahman: FUCK YOU YOU LITTLE SHIT I SHOULDVE WHIPPED YOUR ASS WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER 

mrmischief: I WISH YOU FUCKING DID

mrmischief: SUCK MY DICK!!!!!

helayeahman: IM GAY YOU PUSSY

mrmischief: I MAY BE A PUSSY BUT YOU ARE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE IVE EVER SEEN

greenandmean: Thor get the rope

rawrimadinothor: owkjejekwj sbaje s. an s. s. 

greenandmean: Thor

greenandmean: Fuck

—

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 9:45 AM

irondaddy: hey guys how’s it going i want to die

peterparkour: smae

greenandmean: Don’t talk to me before my coffwe

greenandmean: my cifgeee

greenandmean: MY COFFEE

irondaddy: bruce banner???? making typos??? what drugs did you take

greenandmean: I had a sleepover with the Odinsons

greenandmean: There was broken glass

greenandmean: Loki has 5 pet snakes that do his bidding

peterparkour: omg that sounds so fun

greenandmean: It’s not fun when you have to keep Hela, known for stabbing a man in the eye with a pencil in freshman year, 

greenandmean: From bashing Loki’s skull in with a lamp after he tells her to suck his dick

greenandmean: Twice

peterparkour: omg that sounds so fun

irondaddy: exhilarating 

irondaddy: i wish my life were that exciting 

greenandmean: Tony, you’re the most exhausting-to-be-around guy i’ve ever met

greenandmean: In a good way

irondaddy: awww thanks baby bruce

peterparkour: so both of you

greenandmean: Yes?

irondaddy: yessum

peterparkour: what’s the deal with bucky

peterparkour: why is he so ‘dangerous’ when he has a cat named megaton and bought sunflowers for his mom the other day

irondaddy: sheesh

irondaddy: well first of all he’s like involved in 90% of the fights at school

peterparkour: I haven’t heard of any though??

irondaddy: pete you transferred here like 3 days ago

irondaddy: even then he’s probably just having a good week

irondaddy: and yeah they say that he lost his arm while trying to kill this guy only known as ‘redskull’ and like. attacked him after trying to set an apartment complex on fire 

irondaddy: or that he lost it after being used as a demonic sacrifice we don’t know the details

peterparkour: i don’t get it thats all just speculation?????????

greenandmean: Yeah.. I don’t believe any of those really

greenandmean: All I know is that he was absent for half a year like 2 1/2 years ago and came back with a metal arm

greenandmean: I think that’s when Nat started hanging out with him

irondaddy: yeah dude before that he was like a lone wolf edge lord

peterparkour: so you’ve known him for years and you still assume that he’s this bad guy just because of some rumors

irondaddy: i’m just saying what i’ve heard ?? and besides that he doesn’t like me so i don’t like him

peterparkour: that’s respectable in the lowest sense

greenandmean: I don’t really have a negative opinion on him but I’d still be careful

greenandmean: Regardless of some rumors he’s still not exactly the teacher’s pet

peterparkour: alrighty

peterparkour: thanks gotta blast

irondaddy: np kid

greenandmean: Can you believe Loki and Hela sleep in on weekends

greenandmean: I feel so at peace

irondaddy: i wish i had a man:(

irondaddy: but that guy i was telling u abt is so pretty i’m gonna combust

greenandmean: I still don’t know his name

irondaddy: Stephen 

irondaddy: and his last name is like strange i think

greenandmean: I’ve met him 

irondaddy: well fuck bruce i just can’t please you

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 2:10 PM

katniss: no homo but i’d let that guy thor bend me over in the middle of a street

nattytaffy: Just because you say ‘no homo’ doesn’t make it any less gay

nattytaffy: Also Bucky come to Starbucks the barista is so hot

wintersmoulder: but it’s saturday and i’m lazy

wintersmoulder: and i look like hot trash

nattytaffy: You won’t be disappointed c’mon 

nattytaffy: and I know you’re just sitting at home watching movies

wintersmoulder: mean girls is a national treasure tyvm?????

katniss: BUT BUCK YOU DONT GET IT THIS GUY IS A PILE OF MAN

katniss: HE IS THE MALE LOVE INTEREST OF A 2000’s ROM COM

katniss: THE AMERICAN DREAM

katniss: BUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKY

wintersmoulder: jesus christ fine

wintersmoulder: only cause i’m desperate and bored

wintersmoulder: we haven’t heard from sam in a hot minute where is he??

nattytaffy: Mama wilson was not happy

nattytaffy: he’s on house arrest

nattytaffy: Peter couldn’t come out either 

wintersmoulder: y

nattytaffy: He’s going to lunch with his aunt how wholesome is that ?

wintersmoulder: i’m omw 

—

2:28 PM

wintersmoulder: guys he’s so handsome and sweet u can’t just /not/ give me a warning

wintersmoulder: i’m having a gay crisis

katniss: i gave you a DESCRIPTIVE analysis of his character from 20feet away where i could see him

wintersmoulder: all you said was that he looked like the male love interest of a rom com

katniss: but doesn’t he

wintersmoulder: YES

wintersmoulder: should I try to get his #

wintersmoulder: oh my god he’s nice and i think he’s bi

peterparkour: go get em tiger !!

 

—

 

saturday, 2:36 PM

wintersmoulder: I GOT THE DIGITS

nattytaffy: FUCK YEAH

peterparkour: BUCKY HAS A MAN?????

wintersmoulder: NOT YET

wintersmoulder: SHOULD I WAIT A FEW UNTIL I TEXT HIM OR NO

katniss: SCREW THAT DUMBASS MIDDLE SCHOOL SHIT

katniss: JUST TEXT HIM

wintersmoulder: AIGHT

wintersmoulder: BUT WAIT I DONT WANNA SEEM. SESPERATE EVEH. D B 

nattytaffy: You already are desperate? just do it

wintersmoulder: I WILL IN A SEC

—

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

saturday, 3:41 PM

starspangledsteve: Oh god I just gave a cute guy my number

irondaddy: u didn’t give me ur number tho??

starspangledsteve: Not you >:(

greenandmean: Who’s the guy?

starspangledsteve: He goes to our school

starspangledsteve: Bro I’m so happy I took this shift now 

starspangledsteve: He was so charming I can’t 

greenandmean: Has he texted you yet?

starspangledsteve: No but should I text first or would that be desperate 

irondaddy: nah u should wait until he texts u

rawrimadinothor: STEVE GOT A MAN

starspangledsteve: IDK IF I DO??????

starspangledsteve: GOLLY GOSH DARN IM PANICKING 

greenandmean: Don’t panic

greenandmean: He seems like a nice guy and if you trust him enough to give him your screen name then just go for it

starspangledsteve: WAIT HE JSUST TEXTED ME DBHDJSJS

—

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

saturday, 3:47 PM

wintersmoulder: hey:))

starspangledsteve: Hey :)

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky has a boyfrieeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddd


	5. rowdy boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky and steve are whipped. nat is worried about peter. clint and sam are basically nonexistent (sorry boys). tony needs sleep. bruce and thor need alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’d like to point out that everyone in this fic is aged down INCLUDING wade I don’t want any ‘isn’t that pedophilia lol’ stuff 
> 
> also we’re so close to 1000 hits tysm guys i’m gonna hug all of you i swear

—

untitled chatroom   
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

saturday, 3:47 PM

wintersmoulder: hey:))

starspangledsteve: Hey :)

wintersmoulder: how are you

starspangledsteve: I’m just chillin in cedar rapids

—

avengers assemble  
members:   
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

saturday, 3:50 PM

starspangledsteve: IF YOU SEE ME DEAD AT THE BOTTOM OF A CLIFF BLAME MY BAD SOCIAL SKILLS

irondaddy: DID YOU QUOTE THE CHILLARY CLINTON VIDEO AGAIN

starspangledsteve: UGHHHH

irondaddy: YOU IDIOT

—

 

untitled chatroom   
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

saturday, 3:51 PM

wintersmoulder: OMG

wintersmoulder: okay i was gonna be all formal and stuff but can we skip straight to the shitposting

starspangledsteve: Thank god

starspangledsteve: If we didn’t I would’ve cried 

wintersmoulder: smae

wintersmoulder: ok so you go to our school right?

wintersmoulder: mhs 

starspangledsteve: Yeah I go to Marvel now

starspangledsteve: I’m a senior

wintersmoulder: wow me too

wintersmoulder: i can’t believe i haven’t seen you around i almost feel bad

starspangledsteve: Oh man that’s okay !!!

starspangledsteve: I actually moved away for a year and went to shield hs and I came back a month ago

starspangledsteve: And I stay away from crowds and stuff for the most part

starspangledsteve: I’ve seen you around though, and I recognize you from before

wintersmoulder: ah

wintersmoulder: so didn’t my tough guy exterior intimidate you

starspangledsteve: Well you don’t look that intimidating to me

starspangledsteve: More like a kitten you find in a box at the side of an orphanage 

wintersmoulder: i’ve spent years building my reputation and this is what i get ???

starspangledsteve: Lol

wintersmoulder: so i know we just met and stuff

wintersmoulder: buuuuuttttt

starspangledsteve: Butttt

wintersmoulder: i really like your face

wintersmoulder: and your smile

wintersmoulder: and your hands

starspangledsteve: My hands?

wintersmoulder: they’re nice hands

starspangledsteve: Are they really ?:’)

wintersmoulder: no innuendo intended 

starspangledsteve: Aww

starspangledsteve: I like your hair

starspangledsteve: And your entire face

starspangledsteve: And your arms

starspangledsteve: I can’t stop thinking about how blue your eyes are

starspangledsteve: You’re beautiful 

wintersmoulder: :)

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 4:00 PM

wintersmoulder: CODE PINK

katniss: BUCKTYY ITS BEEN LIKE AN HOUR

wintersmoulder: WE TALKED FOR AN HOUR AT STARBUCKS TOO

wintersmoulder: I CANT HELP IT

peterparkour: what’s code pink lol

nattytaffy: It means Bucky is whipped and to prepare the wedding venue

peterparkour: omg

 

—

 

untitled chatroom   
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

saturday, 4:01 PM

starspangledsteve: Sorry was that too forward 

wintersmoulder: NOT AT ALL

starspangledsteve: That was enthusiastic 

wintersmoulder: IM VERY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT SUPPORTING YOU

starspangledsteve: Shit

starspangledsteve: Look my Mom needs help but maybe we can talk more later or whenever??:)

wintersmoulder: of course !!

starspangledsteve: Alright! Seeya later

wintersmoulder: you too

—

BOOM BITCH GET OUT THE WAY  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)

saturday, 10:08 PM

wintersmoulder: so i may or may not have been staring at my ceiling for the past few hours

nattytaffy: Bucky.

wintersmoulder: i’m actually fine this time

wintersmoulder: totally fine

wintersmoulder: hahahhaha

nattytaffy: Is he nice?

wintersmoulder: hes so nice

wintersmoulder: like i’ve only met him today but when i read his texts i can’t stop blushing i’m so whipped

wintersmoulder: hes so sweet and cute and like. so much more than a quick fuck

nattytaffy: Okay

nattytaffy: Just promise you’ll be careful alright

wintersmoulder: ofc natty what do you think i am

nattytaffy: Someone who has never been in a fully committed relationship before

wintersmoulder: i told you i would turn it around!!

wintersmoulder: and i did

wintersmoulder: i haven’t had sex in like 2 weeks

nattytaffy: Impressive 

nattytaffy: For you

wintersmoulder: (le gasp)

nattytaffy: Hey Buck

wintersmoulder: yes

nattytaffy: I’m worried about Peter

nattytaffy: I don’t want to tell anyone else because it’s probably not a big deal at all

nattytaffy: But I think you should know

wintersmoulder: go for it my interest is peaked

nattytaffy: Okay so

nattytaffy: I saw him and wade wilson kissing in the gym when they thought no one else was there

nattytaffy: I was under the bleachers

wintersmoulder: welp

nattytaffy: And I saw them earlier tonight at the park but they were too close to be platonic

nattytaffy: They didn’t see me but i’m positive it was them 

wintersmoulder: damn wade wilson of all people

wintersmoulder: ngl wade is pretty cute

nattytaffy: Not the point i’m getting at, Buck

nattytaffy: Do you think there’s a reason he hasn’t told us

wintersmoulder: no

wintersmoulder: do you

nattytaffy: Well I didn’t want to make it a big deal for a reason

nattytaffy: But Wade is a junior, and 17

nattytaffy: Peter is 15

wintersmoulder: pete’s just a kid who’s figuring stuff out

wintersmoulder: let him live

wintersmoulder: it won’t last long, i know how relationships work

nattytaffy: I’m still going to keep an eye on them

wintersmoulder: u go glen coco

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:   
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

sunday, 1:54 AM

irondaddy: QUICK WHAT WAS THE HOMEWORK

greenandmean: Tony it’s 2 a.m.

greenandmean: Why are you awake

rawrimadinothor: I believe it was page 368 in the workbook

irondaddy: thanks point break

greenandmean: You need to sleep, Tony

irondaddy: but i was busy at the tower yesterday and this is the only time i have to do my homework !!

greenandmean: Will you please try to sleep at least a few hours

irondaddy: but i don’t have time 

greenandmean: Anthony Stark

irondaddy: well what are YOU TWO doing up then

irondaddy: oh

irondaddy: OH

greenandmean has left the chat

rawrimadinothor: I HAVENT A CLUE WHAT YOU SPEAK OF MAN OF IRON

rawrimadinothor: NO IDEA AT ALL

irondaddy: LIARS

irondaddy: THE LOT OF YOU

irondaddy added greenandmean to the chat 

greenandmean: GO TO SLEEP TONY

irondaddy: ARE YOU LOVE BIRDS SLEEPING TOO

irondaddy: OR ARE YOU HAVING ROUND 2

starspangledsteve: Whyyd the FUCK id my phone gohinf off i’m gonna murddr stark

—

sunday, 7:19 AM

irondaddy: sowwy stevey

starspangledsteve: I don’t even remember typing that

irondaddy: sure jan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loki, waking up in the middle of the night to hear bruce and thor: this house is a fucking nightmare


	6. crabby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys go on a date. nat and bucky get in a fight. clint hides in the vents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thnak you guys for all your support so far !!! 1200 hits and 120 kudos i’m gonna scream
> 
> sorry for the subpar chapter btw if u have any ideas you have on what should happen next leave a comment
> 
> remember my instagram is @cryptic_potato where i’m a lot more active

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

sunday, 8:32 AM

wintersmoulder: hey steveeeeee

starspangledsteve: Hey Bucky

starspangledsteve: Good morning :)

wintersmoulder: do u wanna maybe

wintersmoulder: well if ur not busy

wintersmoulder: do u wanna go get coffee with me later

starspangledsteve: Of course!!

starspangledsteve: What time?

wintersmoulder: is noon fine

starspangledsteve: Sure is

wintersmoulder: okay:)) do u want to meet at that one café next to the plaza

starspangledsteve: Oh wow I love that place

starspangledsteve: I love it better than Starbucks

wintersmoulder: you work at starbucks though

starspangledsteve: Yeah I don’t drink it

starspangledsteve: The coffee there tastes like watered down sadness in a cup

wintersmoulder: you’re the barista you’re at fault here steve

starspangledsteve: :(

wintersmoulder: i’m jk 

wintersmoulder: but yeah you wanna meet there later

starspangledsteve: Sure:)

wintersmoulder: aww yeah mr krabs 

starspangledsteve: Lol you dork 

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

sunday, 8:40 AM

falconfratboy: Guess which bitch got his phone back 

wintersmoulder: YOURE THE BITCH

wintersmoulder: I HAVE A DATE

falconfratboy: NO WAY

falconfratboy: A REAL ONE??

wintersmoulder: YES

wintersmoulder: SCROLL UP BITCH !!!!!

katniss: TEA

katniss: RN

wintersmoulder: we’re getting coffee later:))))))))))))

wintersmoulder: i’m excited

katniss: i’m so happy for u buck wtf!!!

wintersmoulder: thank u clinty 

peterparkour: OMG

falconfratboy: So who’s the lucky guy

wintersmoulder: is name is steve

wintersmoulder: he’s pretty:)))))))))

falconfratboy: Steve what

wintersmoulder: rogers

falconfratboy: NO WAY

wintersmoulder: what

falconfratboy: IVE KNOWN STEVE FOR YEARS?????????????

wintersmoulder: WHAT

katniss: WHAT

peterparkour: wHAt

falconfratboy: YOU DIDN’T KNOW??

katniss: OBVIOUSLY NOT SAMMY

falconfratboy: I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS INTO GUYS

falconfratboy: WAIT NO HE TOLD ME A WHILE AGO HE WAS BICURIOUS

falconfratboy: BUCKY WHAT DID YOU DO

wintersmoulder: I SMOULDERED

peterparkour: that explains it

wintersmoulder: SAM WHATS HE LIKE

wintersmoulder: WHATS HIS LIFE STORY

falconfratboy: He’s a nice guy idk what you want to know??

falconfratboy: It’s like my two different worlds colliding fuck

katniss: this is so fucking funny lmao

nattytaffy: Bucky do you need me to go over date etiquette with you

wintersmoulder: we’re just grabbing coffee!!!

wintersmoulder: i know how to hold a door open for a guy, nat

nattytaffy: I’m just kidding 

nattytaffy: Fyi people normally don’t have sex on the first date, Buck

wintersmoulder: IK TGAT

wintersmoulder: THAT****

peterparkour: have fun!!!!

wintersmoulder: I HAVETA GO GET READY GOTTA BLAST SQUAD

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

sunday, 11:28 AM

starspangledsteve: IM GETTING READY FOR A DATE WISH ME LUCK

rawrimadinothor: ADIEU STEVEN I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK

rawrimadinothor: IF YOU EVER FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE JUST LET US KNOW

rawrimadinothor: OR JUST ME

rawrimadinothor: ILL BEAT HIS ASS

starspangledsteve: I’m hoping that won’t be necessary but thank you Thor :)

greenandmean: So who is he? I never really got an answer yesterday 

starspangledsteve: Well you see he’s not really out yet soooooooo

greenandmean: Ah, closet case

greenandmean: Got it

irondaddy: right

irondaddy: good luck on your date stevie:-)

starspangledsteve: :-)

 

—

 

just pals being bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

sunday, 11:31 AM

irondaddy: YOU LIAR

starspangledsteve: What are you talking about 

irondaddy: i know you, steve

irondaddy: i can tell when you’re lying over text

starspangledsteve: Whaaaaatttt

irondaddy: THERE IT IS

irondaddy: your mystery man isn’t in the closet at all you clod

irondaddy: you’re hiding something

starspangledsteve: Tony just drop it

irondaddy: rogers >:(

irondaddy: look if you think u have to hide stuff from us you don’t have to

starspangledsteve: You know who he is

starspangledsteve: That’s all i’ll say

irondaddy: face it even if you tried you can’t hide shit from me

irondaddy: i’m coming for your ass

starspangledsteve: I’ll see you tomorrow Tony

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

sunday, 12:36 PM

wintersmoulder: (selfie.png)

peterparkour: AWWWWW

katniss: u guys are so cute together 

katniss: get married

wintersmoulder: we’re only at the talking stage clint

katniss: i know romance when i see it jemmy

wintersmoulder: ;)))

wintersmoulder: ttyl he’s so sweet

wintersmoulder: he’s rambling abt penguins

nattytaffy: Pure

 

—

 

sunday, 6:11 PM

katniss: BUCKY YOUR LOCATION ON MAPS ISNT IN TOWN ANYMORE ARE YOU GETTING LAID

nattytaffy: Don’t support that ,Clint

wintersmoulder: NO IM NOT

wintersmoulder: we sat there talking until the place closed

wintersmoulder: and he took me home

katniss: SCREEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHH

wintersmoulder: catch me blushing like an idiot tomorrow 

wintersmoulder: oh shit steve actually goes to our school

falconfratboy: He does in fact

wintersmoulder: i wanna see him at school but we don’t have any classes together:((((

falconfratboy: At lunch he sits with stark and that guy rhodes

falconfratboy: Oh and banner I think??

wintersmoulder: ur right

wintersmoulder: what if i just ,,changed my schedule to be exactly like his

nattytaffy: That would be creepy

katniss: tht would be awesome

falconfratboy: Yeah no don’t do that

wintersmoulder: i was kidding u worms:(

peterparkour: so how did it go :D

wintersmoulder: GREAT

wintersmoulder: we talked about politics but i was pleasantly surprised to find out he supports gun control 

wintersmoulder: and his birthday is on the 4th of july so now he’s america man in my contacts

peterparkour: cute !!

nattytaffy: What else

wintersmoulder: he likes drawing and he drew me on a napkin and honest to god he’s amazing i started weeping

wintersmoulder: it’s hung up on my bulletin board where i plot clint’s murder

katniss: wow ok

falconfratboy: We stan

 

—

 

monday, 6:57 AM

katniss: i crave deatg

katniss: death

katniss: natasha do you have my brass knuckles

peterparkour: why do u need brass knuckles

katniss: the aesthetic

nattytaffy: Yes I’ll give them to you later

katniss: thnakkks

 

—

monday, 10:27 AM

 

katniss: BUCKy

katniss: NORTH HALL CODE BLACK

falconfratboy: Some guy just fucking grabbed Nat’s ass

wintersmoulder: i’m omw 

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

monday, 10:36 AM

starspangledsteve added saltandpepper and andpeggy to the chat

starspangledsteve: THEY WANTED TO BE HERE ITS TEMPORARY 

starspangledsteve: STARK WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME

saltandpepper: ANTHONY. STARK.

andpeggy: What did you do, Tony?!!

irondaddy: IT WASNT ME WHO SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM??????

irondaddy: THIS TIME I WAS JUST DOING A TEST IN SPANISH???????

rawrimadinothor: I CAN VOUCH FOR HIM

saltandpepper: THEN WHAT ABOUT BRUCE?

irondaddy: HES ABSENT

irondaddy: W

irondaddy: WHY DO YOU ASSUME IT WAS ME PEPS???????

saltandpepper: ITS ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH YOU GOD DAMMIT

andpeggy: Are you all outside?

irondaddy: YEAH IM BY THW COURTYARD

starspangledsteve: Pegs did someone pull the alarm or was it the smoke detectors

andpeggy: We don’t know yet

andpeggy: Coulson and Hill haven’t told us and god knows where Fury is

saltandpepper: And people are saying there was a fight in the hallway right before it so we think someone may have pulled it

starspangledsteve: I was in the middle of a drawing >:(((

irondaddy: i mean not to point fingers or anything but who isn’t here

irondaddy: OH SHIT WHERE’S PETER

irondaddy: I GOTTA GO

starspangledsteve: LANGUAGE

saltandpepper: He’s right for once

saltandpepper: Peggy let’s go check for Barnes and Romanov

andpeggy: On it

saltandpepper left he chat

andpeggy left the chat 

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 10:40 AM

nattytaffy: Buck

nattytaffy: Pietro just told me that the wonder twins were on their way to hunt us down

wintersmoulder: who peggy and pepper??

wintersmoulder: what’re they gonna do spank me

falconfratboy: Yeah i would hide if i were you guys

falconfratboy: I’m in a tree

katniss: i’m hiding in the ventss 

peterparkour: CLINT THATS NOT SAFE

katniss: COME TO THE VENTS

wintersmoulder: no

katniss: I HAVE CHIPS

nattytaffy: Let’s just go Bucky

nattytaffy: We only defended ourselves

wintersmoulder: yeah but we also lit a cigarette to set off the alarm

peterparkour: that’s cause for at least a suspension 

katniss: ALERT FURY AND HILL ARE PISSED OFF THEYRE YELLING UNDER ME RN

wintersmoulder: IF I DIE REMEMBER ME

nattytaffy: Sigh

nattytaffy: Clint i may or may not have broken your brass knuckles

katniss: it’s whatever at least you broke the guys nose

peterparkour: are the vents still open to share

katniss: ofc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so steve knows that tony and bruce (and maybe thor) are a little iffy about bucky so he’s not sure if they’d be too keen on dating him so that’s why he lies and says his new man’s not out yet when in fact bucky is out and proud
> 
> steve just isn’t ready to tell them that it’s bucky who he’s starting to talk to yet if u catch my drift because 
> 
> \- he doesn’t want them to worry about him  
> \- he wants to get to know bucky all on his own  
> \- he doesn’t want tony to find out (they’re exes but steve will still feel like shit if he dated someone that tony hates)


	7. candy land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath of the fight. tony stark needs help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember to smash that like button minecrafters
> 
> i forgot to mention tw for a panic attack at the end of the chapter

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 10:53 AM

katniss: sam i’m telling u just grab peter and get to the vents

falconfratboy: No they’re making us go inside

falconfratboy: Pegs and Pepper are standing by the doors btw

peterparkour: blease let me rest 

wintersmoulder: ughhhhh nat should we just turn ourselves in

nattytaffy: I’ve been telling you that for the past 10 minutes, dumbass

wintersmoulder: great

wintersmoulder: wait hide your cigs and the brass knuckles first

katniss: then you should hide your switchblade too by that logic????

nattytaffy: I already have

nattytaffy: Just bury your stuff bucky

wintersmoulder: k

peterparkour: the vents are cold don’t do it

falconfratboy: Yeah wbk Clint goes up there 24/7 it smells like him

peterparkour: it smells like popcorn

falconfratboy: That’s clint

peterparkour: lmao

wintersmoulder: has anyone seen stevie

falconfratboy: Yeah I saw him with thor actually

falconfratboy: He asked if you did something and I slowly backed away

wintersmoulder: correct answer

nattytaffy: Buck let’s go

katniss: prepare yourselves

katniss: mentally

wintersmoulder: coming

 

—

 

monday, 12:25 PM

wintersmoulder: ITS FINALLY OVER

wintersmoulder: WE JUST GOT CHEWED OUT FOR AN HOUR

peterparkour: and you’re alive???

wintersmoulder: fury is all bark no bite

wintersmoulder: i almost got suspended:))

nattytaffy: I almost did too but he told me to call my parents and when they didn’t answer after 3 tries he gave up 

nattytaffy: but we have detention later

katniss: :(

wintersmoulder: detention is where the weirdos are

wintersmoulder: like scott lang

peterparkour: omg i know him !! he let a bunch of ants loose in science

wintersmoulder: ew ants

wintersmoulder: whatever at least i brought my candy land board game to school today

katniss: y

wintersmoulder: i just wanted to

wintersmoulder: and steve likes candy land

peterparkour: aw

peterparkour: thsts so pure

wintersmoulder: I HAVENT TALKED TOHIM ALL DAY HANG ON

 

—

 

barnes and noble  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

monday, 12:30 PM

wintersmoulder: hey stevie

starspangledsteve: Buck what happened are you okay

starspangledsteve: I saw Peggy and Pepper drag you away to the wolves:(

wintersmoulder: lmao

wintersmoulder: yeah i have a detention though

wintersmoulder: i’m assuming you know what happened

starspangledsteve: Actually I don’t I just didn’t wanna ask in case it was personal 

wintersmoulder: aww

wintersmoulder: u really know how to charm a guy rogers

starspangledsteve: :)

wintersmoulder: yeah some douche grabbed nat’s ass so naturally i slammed his head in a locker and punched him with my metal arm so hard i heard a crack

starspangledsteve: Oh shit

starspangledsteve: That sounds terrible

wintersmoulder: ik

wintersmoulder: i have no idea why the sprinklers didn’t go off either bc nat put off the smoke detectors with a cigarette so

wintersmoulder: thats a safety hazard

starspangledsteve: I’m glad you guys are okay

wintersmoulder: me too

wintersmoulder: :))

starspangledsteve: :))

wintersmoulder: gasp

wintersmoulder: steve i brought candy land to school !!

wintersmoulder: do u wanna play it in the janitor’s closet during lunch 

starspangledsteve: Oh my god yes!!!!!

starspangledsteve: I think I love you now

wintersmoulder: :)

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 10:39 AM

wintersmoulder: [screenshots.png]

katniss: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHH

wintersmoulder: mmy heart

nattytaffy: Bucky if you two go into the janitor’s closet together what do you think people will say

wintersmoulder: nat how do u know it’s not MY PLAN to make out with him in the janitor’s closet

nattytaffy: ...

katniss: i’m screaming

 

—

 

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 2:40 PM

irondaddy: where the FRESH FUCL is steve

irondaddy: he disappeared at lunch and never came back

irondaddy: WHAT IF HE AND HIS MYSTERY MAN AND GETTING BUSY SOMEWHERE

peterparkour: woah steve’s getting action

irondaddy: PROBABLY

irondaddy: ughhhhhhhhhhhh 

peterparkour: Nah maybe they’re just playing a board game or something 

peterparkour: hahahahahah

greenandmean: Maybe he went home early

irondaddy: his location on maps is in the school

greenandmean: Why do you have his location on maps

irondaddy: just in case

greenandmean: If you say so

peterparkour: bruce how hard is the spanish quiz

greenandmean: Not that hard

peterparkour: says the guy who passes with 100 in every class but still refuses to skip high school????

greenandmean: Hey you asked

irondaddy: oh bruce u silly goose

greenandmean: Tony do you need to talk about something 

irondaddy: gotta blast :)

 

—

 

science bros redux  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

monday, 2:45 PM

greenandmean: Tony.

irondaddy: yess brucey

greenandmean: You’re not over him are you

irondaddy: what ever gave you the impression that i was

irondaddy: look he’s moved on

irondaddy: he was away for a year and came back looking like a big buff dorito he obviously got hoes at shield

irondaddy: i just want him to be happy and he obviously is without me

greenandmean: He wants you to be happy too.

irondaddy: right

greenandmean: Tony you cant keep bottling shit up

irondaddy: it’s my special talent

irondaddy: who wouldn’t be happy with bucky fucking barnes the local bad boy

greenandmean: You knew?

irondaddy: steve isn’t exactly subtle when he’s texting

irondaddy: how did you find out then

greenandmean: I figured it out

greenandmean: Plus Thor saw them go into the janitor’s closet together

irondaddy: hahhahah 

irondaddy: well that’s just great

irondaddy: they’re busy fucking in a closet and i’m here sulking like an idiot

irondaddy: bruce i’m pathetic

greenandmean: No, you’re not

irondaddy: it’s been more than a year why am i such a clingy asshole about this

irondaddy: i bottle shit up so i don’t bother anyone more than i alreadt do, bruce

irondaddy: i get over shit so quic kly why can’t i fuvkinh just get over steve

irondaddy: hes so fucking perfect no wonder it didn’t work out

greenandmean: Tony go to the nurse

irondaddy: i’m perfevly finw

greenandmean: Go to the nurse before I burst into your class and drag you there myself

irondaddy: i’m going s c. alm ur tits

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 2:58 PM

falconfratboy: tony stark just had a mental breakdown in trig ???

nattytaffy: Yeah I saw 

wintersmoulder: that’s tough what do u think happened

falconfratboy: maybe he found out that you’re fucking his ex

wintersmoulder: that’s not true at all!!!!

wintersmoulder: okay we kissed but it was just a peck nothing happened

falconfratboy: ...

nattytaffy: ....

peterparkour: EAT ASS GET RICH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony will be happy one day as long as there is breath in my body i stg
> 
> i mean stephen strange is still there and i haven’t been thinking about a way to squeeze him into the plot but yes he is alive and tony still likes him


	8. NOPE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WADE MAKES AN ENTRANCEEEEEE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update sorry guys:(( i didn’t know what to do for this chapter and i was hella stressing over it and this is my least favorite by far

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

monday, 3:31 PM

mrmischief: Whoops I forgot the mention that I have detention today

rawrimadinothor: Why:(

mrmischief: So I was passing notes with stephen in physics and i may or may not have used the words ‘bitch ass pussy’ to describe him multiple times

mrmischief: And then yeezy chin ass Thanos only gave /me/ detention 

mrmischief: Also stephen is WHIPPED for Stark don’t tell him though 

rawrimadinothor: Ooooh tea

mrmischief: But it’s fine I get to play cards with bug boy again

helayeahman: i’m not picking u up again

mrmischief: Don’t worry about it

mrmischief: I’ll just call an uber

helayeahman: OH

helayeahman: u got uber money?????? trick ass bitch

mrmischief: More money than you

helayeahman: then buy some decent cologne bitch you stink

mrmischief: It’s just your breath wafting back into your face

rawrimadinothor: This house is a fucking nightmare 

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

monday, 4:45 PM

starspangledsteve: Tony are you okay???:((

starspangledsteve: Like 4 people told me in the past five minutes that you went to the nurse

irondaddy: i’m fine stevie just a stomach bug

starspangledsteve: So.. a stomach bug made you cry

irondaddy: lmao who cries anymore i prefer flushing out my eyes every night sis

irondaddy: haha

starspangledsteve: ????

greenandmean: Tony is fine he just needed to leave the class, Ms. Purcell was stressing him out

irondaddy: yeahhhh

irondaddy: she was lowkey being a BITCH

starspangledsteve: Okay, if that’s all that happened

 

—

 

science bros redux  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

monday, 4:49 PM

irondaddy: THANK YOU

greenandmean: No problem

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 5:37 PM

katniss: so today i found out that Arkansas is spelled the same backwards

falconfratboy: Sometimes I wonder if you’re on meth

katniss: jk asshole!!!! i know how 2 spel

peterparkour: omg

wintersmoulder: HEY PETER

wintersmoulder: ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING LATER

peterparkour: i’m going to dinner with my aunt

peterparkour: why

wintersmoulder: NO REASON

wintersmoulder: IM JUST A VERY CURIOUS PERSON BY NATURE

peterparkour: pfff okay

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

monday, 5:39 PM

wintersmoulder added falconfratboy, nattytaffy, mrmischief, and katniss to the chat

wintersmoulder named the chat ‘Peter Protection Squad’

wintersmoulder: so i’m positive you all are wondering what that was about

katniss: yeah wtf bucky?????

mrmischief: this is mildly serious

katniss: ok one) why the fuck is loki odinson here

mrmischief: I have tea

nattytaffy: But you big have to promise not to tell anyone that we know 

nattytaffy: Especially peter

katniss: two ) what the whole fuck is he dying of cancer or something whts wrong

falconfratboy: yeah i’m not following

wintersmoulder: loki saw peter crying in the bathroom earlier

falconfratboy: fuck

falconfratboy: about what ????

mrmischief: No idea

mrmischief: He was telling himself to ‘get it together’ and to ‘stop acting like a girl’ which was only mildly concerning

nattytaffy: and then?

mrmischief: Yeah Wilson came in and started hugging him silently all while i’m secretly peering through the bathroom stall and screaming mind you

mrmischief: They left but I could feel the romantic energy they definitely weren’t acting dude-bro-ish

katniss: sssososiheheuehehehehdhhfoeowpq

falconfratboy: So you’re saying is that they’re together

mrmischief: What i’m saying is that there’s feelings there and peter obviously trusts wade

mrmischief: For whatever reason

wintersmoulder: but yeah that’s it we think they have some weird side pining crush thing going 

wintersmoulder: and he said that he was going to eat dinner with his aunt correct

katniss: yeah

nattytaffy: I looked into it and his aunt is out of town

nattytaffy: She flew to Ohio for a high school reunion on thursday and isn’t coming back until wednesday

falconfratboy: Maybe he has another aunt???? idk????

mrmischief: Nope he told me that May Parker was his only family left

nattytaffy: And Scott, who was also in detention with us, happens to be Wade’s best friend

wintersmoulder: he said that he doesn’t know who with but wade is going out tonight on a date but wade described it as ‘friendly gathering where we make out occasionally’

katniss: :///

katniss: all jokes aside we can’t just assume that petey’s dating the guy who supposedly set his own house on fire in a psychotic rage

falconfratboy: how credible is scott anyways

falconfratboy: 95% of his crimes at school revolve around setting ants loose in random places

nattytaffy: Well

wintersmoulder: ABOUT THAT

wintersmoulder: there’s a lot of evidence but we can talk about it later

falconfratboy: So whats the purpose of this chat here then

wintersmoulder: well in general, to make sure we’re all on the same page

wintersmoulder: no secrets here

wintersmoulder: 1) we’re gonna find out what’s happening with wade and peter just for shits and giggles 

wintersmoulder: 2) peter has been dealing with a lot of bs all his life and if wade does something to him i’m gonna end his life

wintersmoulder: 3) why not

mrmischief: That’s my kind of logic

nattytaffy: Loki you sit there and look pretty

nattytaffy: If you have entail lmk

mrmischief: my work here is done

mrmischief left the chat

katniss: INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH TIME

katniss: SKATE FAST, EAT ASS, AND FUCK SHIT UP

wintersmoulder: SKATE FAST EAT ASS

nattytaffy: skate fast eat ass

falconfratboy: SKATE FAST EAT ASS

katniss: GET RICH

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

monday, 6:28 PM

mercwithamouth: peteyyyyyyyyyyy

mercwithamouth: where do u want to go later

peterparkour: anywhere

mercwithamouth: wow u inspire me so much

peterparkour: dork

mercwithamouth: but seriously do u wanna go make out in an alley or do u wanna be romantic and get eachother flowers and shit bc i’m so down

peterparkour: why not both;)

mercwithamouth: ;))))))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i roughly know what’s gonna happen next aka the next huge plot point but i have no idea how to make it happen without it being rushed lmao


	9. worms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shenanigans ensue. peter has to deal with everyone’s bullshit. he doesn’t mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the late chapter:( this one skips over tuesday entirely so we can get closer to the weekend faster 
> 
> i have some shenanigans planned and school can’t get in the way if u know what i mean

—

 

chandler would DECK regina george fuck off  
members:  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

wednesday, 6:49 PM

rawrimadinothor: Hey babe do you need a ride today or no

greenandmean: Actually a ride would be nice

rawrimadinothor: Okay we are on our way:)

greenandmean: Thank you Thor

rawrimadinothor: Oh do you wanna stop for coffee too

rawrimadinothor: Loki wants a dark chocolate mocha

greenandmean: Sure

greenandmean: I love you

rawrimadinothor: I love you more

—

wednesday, 9:32 AM

greenandmean: I HATE YOU

rawrimadinothor: I HATE YOU MORE

greenandmean: REGINA IS A QUEEN

greenandmean: HEATHER CHANDELIER DIED IN THE FIRST 15 MINUTES

rawrimadinothor: ITS CHANDLER

greenandmean: REGINA GEORGE IS A COMEDIC AND REALISTIC REPRESENTATION Of HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS WHILE BEING GROUNDED IN THE REALITY OF THE FLAWS AND DAMAGES OF POPULARITY.

rawrimadinothor: CHANDLER IS AN ACTUAL ANTAGONIST WITH A REALISTIC PERSONALITY AND DEPTH WITH AN EVERLASTING EFFECT ON VERONICA EVEN AFTER HER MURDER

greenandmean: I CANT

greenandmean: EAT MY FUCKIGN SHIT THOR

rawrimadinothor: I ONLY STATE FACTS

rawrimadinothor: EAT PANTS

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

wednesday, 9:37 AM

irondaddy: steve help

starspangledsteve: Why are they fighting

irondaddy: i started talking about movies and then mean girls and how veronica sawyer was a more interesting lead than cady heron and now they’re throwing books at each other with the intention to kill

starspangledsteve: ...

starspangledsteve: Seriously right in front of my salad

irondaddy: how do i stop them

starspangledsteve: Pull them apart????

starspangledsteve: I’m trying to take notes Mr. Thanos is gonna be pissed if he hears another bang on the wall Tony

irondaddy: IM TRYING

irondaddy: BRUCE JUST TRIED TO THROW A CHAIR AT ME

starspangledsteve: Now you’ve done it

irondaddy: SHUT UP

irondaddy: ugh i’m calling rhodey he can deal with their shit

starspangledsteve: What a god

starspangledsteve: I love Rhodey

irondaddy: same

 

—

 

wednesday, 9:42 AM

irondaddy: RHODEY DIDNT WORK I HAVE TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE

irondaddy: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE THE TEACHER IS SHE LEFT AS SOON AS THEY STARTED FIGHTING

starspangledsteve: Just do what you have to do i’m scared

irondaddy added peterparkour to the chat

irondaddy: ITS THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF

peterparkour: WHATS HAPPENING

peterparkour: WHY IS THOR YELLING SO LOUD

irondaddy: HIGH SCHOOL MOVIES

irondaddy: PETER PLEASE COME TO MS D’S ROOM I CANT

peterparkour: WHAT DO YOU WNAT ME TO DO??????

irondaddy: DISTRACT THEM WITH YOUR BABY FACE

starspangledsteve: PLEASE DO

peterparkour: PSJJSJSBS OKAU D

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 9:57 AM

peterparkour: i just split up a fight between thor and bruce

wintersmoulder: was it about chick flicks again

nattytaffy: Heathers isn’t a chick flick it’s a cult classic

wintersmoulder: nat.. not you too

peterparkour: yeah i kinda just stood in front of them and thor goes ‘who is this tiny human’ and they stopped i was so scared

wintersmoulder: you’re a god peter it’s common knowledge to anyone that you can’t end their fights

wintersmoulder: especially over heathers and mean girls

nattytaffy: yikes

nattytaffy: They will cause the apocalypse 

wintersmoulder: they already have

falconfratboy: Do your test you twats

wintersmoulder: >:(

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

wednesday, 2:18 PM

mercwithamouth: ok so

mercwithamouth: if i had a large bruise on my face would you care

peterparkour: ????????????YES

peterparkour: WHAT HAPPEENgsgEND DNH

mercwithamouth: before you get mad it wasn’t my fault:(((

mercwithamouth: francis got pissed at me because i defended my friend vanessa when he tried hitting on her

mercwithamouth: and i’m waiting outside coulson’s office if i die please don’t kill me

peterparkour: wade:(

peterparkour: are you seriously hurt

peterparkour: is ajax in trouble

mercwithamouth: his real name is francis

peterparkour: i don’t want to get my ass beat from calling him francis like you do

mercwithamouth: ://

mercwithamouth: yes he’s in trouble but with his smart ass being so /seductive/ he’s probably gonna get off scot free

peterparkour: is he getting yelled at

mercwithamouth: i hear very stern lecturing

peterparkour: do u want to watch movies later

mercwithamouth: oh baby boy we both know there will be no watching

peterparkour: i will block you

mercwithamouth: i’m kidding :(

mercwithamouth: of course petey

peterparkour: wanna watch easy A

mercwithamouth: yes you know my taste

mercwithamouth: alr i gotta go bye !!

peterparkour: bye

 

—

 

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 2:12 PM

irondaddy: why is he so hot

greenandmean: Maybe you’re just thirsty

irondaddy: Who’s the one who made up with Thor after he told you that he would buy you coffee after school

greenandmean: You got me there

irondaddy: anyways so apparently strange is a huge sherlock nerd and so am i so we talked about that like all class

irondaddy: he’s nice:(

peterparkour: then why do you seem mildly disappointed 

irondaddy: listen to santa tell me by ariana grande

irondaddy: that’s my mood

peterparkour: oof

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 4:25 PM

nattytaffy: Clint are you coming w me

katniss: yeah omw 

katniss: we’re about to finish archery

peterparkour: oooh where are you guys going

nattytaffy: Girl’s soccer practice

peterparkour: but you don’t do girls soccer?? and clint is a boy???

falconfratboy: These weirdos here like hiding under the bleachers and watching the soccer girls play

katniss: stop exposing us like this!!!!

peterparkour: isn’t that a bit weird

nattytaffy: Have you seen their uniforms? They’re t i g h t

wintersmoulder: i just had a sudden realization that nat was gay

nattytaffy: I’m not picky, loser

falconfratboy: Her flirting with Peter’s aunt wasn’t enough for u

nattytaffy: I wasn’t flirting I was making conversation 

nattytaffy: Besides it’s impossible for girls to get the right idea when I try flirting with them affection is a life source for us

katniss: whoops

wintersmoulder: pete’s aunt is like.. 25 you’re a CHILD nat

peterparkour: jsjsjsejsjjsjsjsjs she’s 37

wintersmoulder: ???????

falconfratboy: bucky.exe has stopped working

nattytaffy: Peter will you be mad if I stalk your aunt

peterparkour: i won’t be mad per say just concerned

peterparkour: bls don’t be my step mom

katniss: I CHOKED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys, holding a gun to my head, voice cracking as you sob: wRITE IN WADE AND STEPHEN. WRITE THEM IN. WRITE THEM IN RIgHT nOW


	10. last friday nighttttt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there’s a party. the kids go wild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so fucking sorry for the late chapter, i’ve had it ready for a few days but ao3 wouldn’t allow me to post it until i did a hard reset on my phone like 4 times. longer chapter to make up for it.

—

 

thursday, 3:56 PM

wintersmoulder: guys there’s a party tomorrow night we should go

falconfratboy: Depends where it is

wintersmoulder: ahggghh i think peter quill and gamora are throwing it at thanos’ house

nattytaffy: I doubt he’d be cool with that?

wintersmoulder: nope i asked and thanos is going out of town for the weekend

wintersmoulder: so gamora obviously did the right thing and decided to throw a party at her dads house 

falconfratboy: What a selfless act

katniss: we should all go just to destroy the place

peterparkour: no!!!!!!! that’s mean!!!!!!

wintersmoulder: its a good idea>:)

peterparkour: noooooooo!!!!!!! then gamora will get in trouble

katniss: fine but if we find yeezy chin’s room then can we get payback for all the times he called me a dumbass

falconfratboy: I approve of that

wintersmoulder: gams said that she’s throwing the party for the sake of everyone destroying the house

wintersmoulder: she really doesn’t give a shit because she hates her dad apparently 

nattytaffy: I don’t blame her.

nattytaffy: How about we all go somewhere after school and go to the party together after

katniss: i’m down

peterparkour: okay as long as bucky doesn’t drive

falconfratboy: w a s t e d

wintersmoulder: why

peterparkour: you’re terrifying to drive with

peterparkour: speed limits exist for a reason

wintersmoulder: BETRAYAL

wintersmoulder: drive fast -> eat ass

katniss: i would drive but at the same time no

falconfratboy: I’ll drive you sissies

nattytaffy: I will

nattytaffy: Sam you constantly ignore traffic lights

falconfratboy: o

nattytaffy: But will you drive me home

nattytaffy: My mom is sitting in her office pretending she’s too busy to pick me up

falconfratboy: Sure kid

katniss: natasha i don’t wanna be rude but FUCK your parents

katniss: damn assholes never have time for you

nattytaffy: I’m used to it

katniss: u shouldn’t be

nattytaffy: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

thursday, 7:22 PM

wintersmoulder: heyyyyyyyy steeevvvvvveeee

starspangledsteve: Hey Bucky

wintersmoulder: u wanna get drunk and fist each other

wintersmoulder: lmao i’m bucky fucking barnes

starspangledsteve: Give Bucky his phone back blease

wintersmoulder:

wintersmoulder: hah yeah this isn’t bucky it’s his sister

wintersmoulder: so are u two boyfriends or fuck buddies

wintersmoulder: cos lemme tell you this dumbass is whipped for you

starspangledsteve: Well

wintersmoulder: he’s comi ng for my asshehwiwaisjdhdhbsbb. )28$3)? sven

wintersmoulder: STEEB IM SORRY KELCEE IS A LITTLE SHIT

starspangledsteve: It’s okay!!!!! I was amused lol

wintersmoulder: sorry i’m crushing her under the couch cushions now :(

starspangledsteve: How old is she

wintersmoulder: 13

wintersmoulder: i hate her

starspangledsteve: No you don’t 

starspangledsteve: You talked about how you braid her hair and do face masks with her

wintersmoulder: yeah but she’s annoying

wintersmoulder: anyways how was your day:))

starspangledsteve: It was okay

starspangledsteve: I totally failed my pre calc test but whatever

wintersmoulder: omg i fucking blew that

starspangledsteve: And rn i’m watching a Victorious marathon

wintersmoulder: woah u like victorious

wintersmoulder: i expected u to be an icarly kid

starspangledsteve: I like iCarly more but Victorious is a bop

wintersmoulder: tea

starspangledsteve: Hey are you busy?

wintersmoulder: not really

wintersmoulder: i’m laying on the floor doing nothing atm

starspangledsteve: Do you wanna meet up somewhere

starspangledsteve: It’s okay if you don’t want to i know it’s late

wintersmoulder: yes i’d love to!!

wintersmoulder: where

starspangledsteve: The quarry maybe

starspangledsteve: If you want

starspangledsteve: It’s really pretty at night and I though maybe we could talk and get to know each other and stuff

starspangledsteve: Oh and we can stop at 7-11 before and get slushees

starspangledsteve: I know it’s lame but

wintersmoulder: YES YES YES YES YESSHSHHSHAHAH

wintersmoulder: IM OMW 

wintersmoulder: LETS MEET AT 7-11

starspangledsteve: Okay:)

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

thursday, 7:35 PM

wintersmoulder: (screenshotsx2.png)

wintersmoulder: LOOK AT THIS MAN. TAKING ME ON MY DREAM DATE

katniss: THATS A KEEPER

nattytaffy: That’s so cute

peterparkour: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

wintersmoulder: LETTERMANS JACKET OR LIFEGUARD SWEATSHIRT 

falconfratboy: Letterman’s jacket

falconfratboy: It compliments your figure more

katniss: ??????????????????? 

nattytaffy: Yeah the jacket is fine

nattytaffy: Wear your vans with them

peterparkour: YEAH THAT WORKS

wintersmoulder: WOOOOOOOOOOO

 

—

 

Friday, 8:40 AM

wintersmoulder: can we talk about how HOT Steve’s ass is

katniss: stop it bucky you being in a happy relationship is making the rest of us emo:(((

katniss: but YEAH STEVE HAS A NICE ASS

falconfratboy: CLINT

katniss: i only spit the truth

wintersmoulder: he’s so sweet and prettyyyyyyy i’m crying

falconfratboy: If I had a fucking nickel for every time Bucky put his face in his hands and started screaming 

falconfratboy: I could afford to hire a hit man to kill him

katniss: u wouldn’t do it yourself??

falconfratboy: These shades are gucci

katniss: r.i.p.

wintersmoulder: SHE WEARS SHORT SKIRTS I WEAR T SHIRTS SHES TEAM CAPTAIN AND IM ON THE BLEACHERRRSSSSSSS

katniss: omg guys

katniss: if bucky and steve are still together by christmas and valentine’s day we won’t have emo bucky anymore

falconfratboy: KEEP HIS ASS

wintersmoulder: OKAY

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

friday, 9:30 AM

rawrimadinothor: So how was your date Steven :D

starspangledsteve: it was nice

irondaddy: DID YOU MAKE OUT

starspangledsteve: I don’t kiss and tell, Stark

irondaddy: well i doubt there was any time for kissing amirite boys

starspangledsteve: No!!!!!! We didn’t have sex!!!!!!

starspangledsteve: I’m still a virgin

irondaddy: i’m about to say it

peterparkour: i r i d o s y c l i t i s

starspangledsteve: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rawrimadinothor: Oh gods

irondaddy added wintersmoulder to the chat

starspangledsteve: Bucky blease leave while you have the chance

peterparkour: OMG

wintersmoulder: what is this

irondaddy: an intervention 

wintersmoulder: ughhhhhhhh

irondaddy: so as we all know, you two went on a date last night

irondaddy: how did it go

wintersmoulder: it was cool i got a red slushee and he got a blue one

starspangledsteve: BUCK

wintersmoulder: we made purple

irondaddy: i called this shit what did i say

irondaddy: thor what did i say

rawrimadinothor: That they made out?

irondaddy: YES

irondaddy: okay bye edge lord

wintersmoulder: later skaters 

wintersmoulder left the chat

peterparkour: i’m cryinh

irondaddy: natasha is threatening to beat the shit out of me gtg

peterparkour: i didn’t know you were friends w nat

irondaddy: oh well we used to be in freshman year but then she got l a m e shahajjsbsbbs. s 

irondaddy: Peter get off your phone admin is spectating classes today.

peterparkour: sowwy nat owo

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 7:35 PM

wintersmoulder: clint where are you

wintersmoulder: and sam

nattytaffy: Clint is getting high with thor and scott lang

nattytaffy: Sam is already at the kegs

wintersmoulder: why am i not surprised 

peterparkour: his username..

wintersmoulder: FRAT BOY

wintersmoulder: ICONIC 

falconfratboy: look the only credit i’ll give quill is that he knows how to throw a goddamn party

nattytaffy: Shit

nattytaffy: There are people diving off the roof

peterparkour: i’m recording it

nattytaffy: You bet your ass you better be

 

—

 

friday, 8:12 PM

katniss: SAMS GONNA JUMP OFF THE FUCKIFNG F ROOf

peterparkour: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO JUMPING OFF THE ROOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

falconfratboy: IM GONNS DO IT

nattytaffy: This is gonna get so many views

peterparkour: NAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

katniss: HES GONNA JUMP

wintersmoulder: sam no you’re our ride you can’t break your arms tonight

falconfratboy: DONT WORRY

falconfratboy: INHAVE WINGS

peterparkour: THOSE ARE SPOONS

katniss: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

friday, 9:06 PM

starspangledsteve: Am I the only person who’s not black out drunk at this party

greenandmean: yYeahahahhahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbbbb.  
hsjsjsjjsjs

rawrimadinothor: I’m not drunkms i’m high!!!

starspangledsteve: Don’t die

starspangledsteve: Where’s tony

greenandmean: hshshhbb he. when rn ben withekjdb. stragne 

rawrimadinothor: Translation- he’s upstairs with strange

starspangledsteve: ..Is he having sex with Stephen

rawrimadinothor: No I see them sitting over the balcony talking!!! They’re definitely not having sex

starspangledsteve: Thanks Thor

rawrimadinothor: No problem I’m going to die tonight

 

—

 

friday, 10:47 PM

starspangledsteve: WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

rawrimadinothor: I FUCKING TOLD YOU

irondaddy: WHO THE FUCK CALLED THE COPS

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

friday, 11:49 PM

irondaddy added rawrimadinothor, mrmischief, greenandmean, wintersmoulder, peterparkour, mercwithamouth, nattytaffy, falconfratboy, katniss, starspangledsteve, and wizardsonlyfools to the chat

irondaddy: RU DNHDBS RUN BITCHES RUSN 

wintersmoulder: fffffFffFFFFUCK YOU STARK 

mrmischief: YOURE THE ONE WHO PUNCHED THAT GUY IN THE FACE BARNES

wintersmoulder: dONT TALK TI ME U WEASEL!!!!!!!

mercwithamouth: BABAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

nattytaffy: WHERE IS PETER?

irondaddy: SHIT

starspangledsteve: TONY YOU /LEFT/ PETER AT THE HOUSE?????

irondaddy: I FORGOT

irondaddy: TELL ME WHERE MY SON IS OR ELENSNBS ILL SUCK UR GODDAMN DICK

rawrimadinothor: EVERYONE GO TO THE QUARRY

rawrimadinothor: WE CAN HIDE THERE

katniss: ITWAS AJAX I SWEA R TO GOD IT WAS HIM

katniss: hE CALLED GHE COPS CAUSE BETER TRIED TO FIGHHH HIM

falconfratboy: BETER

greenandmean hhsvvw w. HBBBB. banwjwn s. an ruN

wintersmoulder: FUCKING SUPERB FOR FUNKY LITTLE MAN BETER

starspangledsteve: BUCKY

wizardsonlyfools: I’m surrounded by idiots

wizardsonlyfools: Just run to the quarry you drunk animals

mercwithamouth: BETER

peterparkour: RUN WADE YOEUBWN ASSHOENWB

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony and strange totally did not kiss at the party


	11. target

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone is hungover. clint goes missing. bucky’s mom makes prairie oysters and a mukbang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the day i end this fic is the day i leave this world. lmao 
> 
> this chapter was fun to write but the next chapter is gonna be a shitstorm i have no idea how to explain the plot in text form but i’m gonna try
> 
> slow down grab your bible praise it like you’re tryna make your soul revival prAiSE THE LORD

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

saturday, 10:01 AM

wintersmoulder: no offense but if anyone can tell me whag the FUCK happned last night i’ll murawer u

wintersmoulder: i won’t hesitate bitvh

mercwithamouth: y are we all on a gc

wintersmoulder: WHY AM I IN STEVES BED

mercwithamouth: O

mercwithamouth: OH WOW

wintersmoulder: SHUT UP WILSON IF WE HAD SEX THEN MY ASS WOULD HURT BUT IT D O E S N T

mrmischief: What happened is that we got fucking hammered

wintersmoulder: obvi

falconfratboy: I woke up in a tree..

falconfratboy: Where I ammamsbebiejev

falconfratboy: Sam i ammmmmmmm

starspangledsteve: Buck why are you in my bed

starspangledsteve: Why am I in my bathtub covered in gasoline

irondaddy: FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

wintersmoulder: FUCK YOU STARK

irondaddy: FUCK ME? HOW ABT FUCK YOU

greenandmean: I want to die. More than I already do

greenandmean: Why are you two idiots mad at each other

wintersmoulder: i actually dnt know why i just feel thw urg e to punch him

rawrimadinothor: Loki are you alright

mrmischief: Shut the fuck up Thor

rawrimadinothor: Okay good

nattytaffy: Do none of you have any recollection of what happened last night?

irondaddy: nope

wintersmoulder: ,,,,,nahhhhhhhhhhh

nattytaffy: Sigh

nattytaffy: Someone called the police and we all ran to the quarry after an hour of Peter sobbing uncontrollably and hiding in a shed

nattytaffy: Clint went home with me but now my window is open and I have no idea where he is

wintersmoulder: that’s hungover clint for you

nattytaffy: Bucky get your ass out of Steve’s house and help me find him

wintersmoulder: i’m omw :(((

starspangledsteve: Wait come down and take an ibuprofen before you leave

wintersmoulder: :))))))

mercwithamouth: hey stark your kid’s with me

irondaddy: wtf peter???

mercwithamouth: shhhhhhhhhh he’s asleep

wizardsonlyfools: Look I don’t know what the fuck happened but I can tell you this

wizardsonlyfools: Thanos is gonna be pissed on Monday

irondaddy: SHIT

irondaddy: prepare for a lecture and mental degradation :))))

greenandmean: My mental sanity is already as low as possible.

irondaddy: w h o o p s you emo fuck

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 11:27 AM

wintersmoulder: JIMMY WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

nattytaffy: Guys Clint went missing and idk where he is

falconfratboy: Where have you looked

nattytaffy: My house, backyard, the park, Bucky’s house

nattytaffy: His phone is dead so I can’t find him on maps

peterparkour: hahve you checked target

nattytaffy: No?

peterparkour: hes at target

falconfratboy: I’m going to Target rn i’ll look for him

nattytaffy: Pete how do you know that

peterparkour: i had a dream where he was in b u l l s e y e’ s p l a y g r o u n d

peterparkour: and he likes target where else would hungover clint go

wintersmoulder: he’s right bird boy has a weird infatuation with target

nattytaffy: Sam we’re on our way

 

—

 

saturday, 1:01 PM

nattytaffy: Clint I am going to fucking kill you

nattytaffy: How did you end up at the Target 1 hour away

nattytaffy: In the fucking vents

katniss: YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE

wintersmoulder: i’m dying the manager was so confused

nattytaffy: Imagine being this dumb. This man right here chief

falconfratboy: lmao

peterparkour: this is a story for the history books i can’t wait for the /tea/ i’m finna spill with ms. mai

wintersmoulder: i lomv ms mai she’s such an icon

wintersmoulder: she also held the author at gunpoint to write her into the chapter

katniss: the author better get extra credit for this

nattytaffy: Peter we’re going to Bucky’s house

nattytaffy: His mom is making hangover food for us

peterparkour: omg i’m comingg

 

—

 

just pals being bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

saturday, 1:39 PM

starspangledsteve: So

starspangledsteve: You and stephen huh

irondaddy: what about him

starspangledsteve: Nothing totally hah

starspangledsteve: I saw you both at the party

starspangledsteve: Idk I’m happy for you

irondaddy: wow thank you so much it means a lot to hear from you god himself

starspangledsteve: ..

irondaddy: yes i’m being sarcastic

irondaddy: so anyways you and bucky huh

starspangledsteve: Tony

irondaddy: i shoulda known, u’ve always liked angsty brunettes with a short attention span

starspangledsteve: Are you seriously being a jealous ex, Tones

irondaddy: i’m happy for you

irondaddy: and i’m happy with stephen

irondaddy: wow u two have similar names that’s weird

irondaddy: we’ve both moved on and it’s been over for years

starspangledsteve: A year and 5 months, actually

irondaddy: dork

irondaddy: i’m happy for you two, don’t get it twisted

starspangledsteve: I love you, Tones

irondaddy: who doesn’t

irondaddy: anyways if you’re not busy come to the odinson house bruce wants to kermit suicide

irondaddy: he got too -lit-

starspangledsteve: I’m on my way over

 

 

—

 

barnes and noble  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

saturday, 2:22 PM

wintersmoulder: HEY STEVIE ARE YOU STILL HUNGOVER

starspangledsteve: Honestly yes

wintersmoulder: INVITE THE SQUAD OVER MY MOM MADE TOO MUCH HANGOVER FOOD

wintersmoulder: (mukbang.png)

starspangledsteve: ‘Too much’ is an understatement holy shit

wintersmoulder: u know my address

starspangledsteve: Is everyone on the gc from last night okay?

wintersmoulder: yes perfect

 

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

saturday, 2:25 PM

starspangledsteve: [address pinned]

starspangledsteve: Bucky’s mom made way too much hangover food everyone on this chat shall come over no exceptions

rawrimadinothor: I’m willing to carpool anyone who needs me to :)

mercwithamouth: i’m omwwww

 

—

saturday, 4:02 PM

irondaddy: my aesthetic is bucky’s mom giving steve condoms

wintersmoulder: PSOOEJDJSKEKEJJDBFBBDNS

starspangledsteve: Never speak of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony isn’t ready for a relationship lowkey like
> 
> i don’t want him and strange to immediately get together because tony isn’t fully over steve yet and i’m not mean enough to make stephen a rebound so. we’ll see
> 
> !!!! it’s this fic’s two week anniversary!!!!!!! thank you guys for the support!!!!!!!!!!!! i read every comment and they keep me motivated to keep writing so:)))) thank you


	12. jojo siwa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky’s backstory part 1. trigger warning for toxic relationships, violence, homophobia, and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ll be updating every other day max from now on:( i’m a mess right now, apologies. i also tried something new with how i tell the story, it most likely won’t have this big a role in future chapters but i felt it was necessary.
> 
>  
> 
> like today’s one of those days where writing doesn’t flow and i’ve been working for like an hour instead of doing my homework and i barely hit 600 words. but i’ll make up for it with plot and drama >:)

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

sunday, 12:50 PM

katniss: GUYS

katniss: WE SHOULD GO TO THE MALL

nattytaffy: I’m broke

nattytaffy: I bought a 200 dollar pair of shoes yesterday

wintersmoulder: its not about what u buy it’s about the journey

falconfratboy: I’ll go

nattytaffy: Fine, only if Sam can pick me up

peterparkour: i cnat go:/ i’m spending the day with aunt may

wintersmoulder: aww pure

nattytaffy: That’s okay Pete

wintersmoulder: we won’t have too much fun without u;)))))

peterparkour: :)

 

—

 

Peter Protection Cult  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

sunday, 12:55 PM

katniss: lol how much do u wanna bet that he’s going on a date with waaadddddeeeee

nattytaffy: Hush

katniss: i’m honestly jealous actually

 

—

 

sunday, 1:19 PM

nattytaffy: Bucky come outside

wintersmoulder: WAIT NO YOURE ALR HERE

wintersmoulder: IM DOING G MY EYELINER

nattytaffy: Hurry up

wintersmoulder: JUST COME INSIDE ITLL TAKE A MINUTE

katniss: want me to just go to bucky’s house

falconfratboy: Yeah sure

 

—

sunday, 1:46 PM

katniss: u know what sam? fuck you

katniss: fuck your chicken strips, fuck your shoes, dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow

wintersmoulder: he didn’t mean to

falconfratboy: You’re the one who pushed that basket thing into me so :-)

katniss: these vans were 69 dollars you know how much toothpaste it’ll take to clean them

falconfratboy: It’s a spot

falconfratboy: Dude I said sorry

katniss: yeah ik it’s just the principle of the thing

katniss: If you:))))) buy me chili fries it’ll be okay

nattytaffy: He already did

falconfratboy: Get both of your asses to the food court

wintersmoulder: OKAY

katniss: YISSSSS

 

—

 

sunday, 4:17 PM

nattytaffy: Bucky where are you

katniss: i need opinions on this jacket and you’re the only one with a sense of style buckkkkkkk

 

—

sunday, 4:21 PM

nattytaffy: Sam did you find him

falconfratboy: Nada

nattytaffy: We’re checking the food court again

nattytaffy: His dumbass probably just lost his phone

katniss: yeah

 

—

 

sunday, 4:27 PM

katniss: ITS RUMLOW

katniss: CODE PURPLE

nattytaffy: Sam get to Claire’s right now

nattytaffy: Clint I didn’t see Bucky?

katniss: he’s right there behind the jojo siwa cutout

nattytaffy: Fuck

 

—

Call Transcript

Martin County Police Station -> George Barnes

monday, 5:43 PM

“Hello?”

“...Hey dad.”

(sigh) “What the fuck did you do now, Buck?”

“So, uh, you know how that guy Rumlow? From freshman year?”

“Well now you’ve got me at the edge of my seat kid.”

“Yeah I thought so. Anyways I was lookin’ at some Jojo Siwa shit at Claire’s, being a walking gay stereotype, right? And then Rumlow was there and tries talkin’ me up and... yeah you know how that ended up.”

“Did he try to touch you, James?”

“...”

“James.”

*sharply* “Is it even a question?”

(keys jingling) “Okay, is it just you there, or are Nat Clint and Sam there, too?”

“All’ve us. And Clint got a black eye.”

“Fun. I’m on my way right now.”

“Okay. Bye, jerk.”

“Bye, asshole.”

-end call-

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

sunday, 6:32 PM

peterparkour: wait so i don’t get it why did this random guy try to fight you

wintersmoulder: i think he just got jealous at my flamin hot looks amirite boys

nattytaffy: It was just a dumb prick trying to look for trouble. Don’t worry about it

peterparkour: but are u all oaky:(

katniss: OAKY

katniss: yeah especially my bright purple eye:))))

peterparkour: omfg

peterparkour: so what happened after the police came

wintersmoulder: we got arrested!!!! nat tried to fight the police officer and sam was convinced he was gonna get shot!!!!!

wintersmoulder: then my dad bailed us out so we’re all goodddd

peterparkour: :( sorry i wasn’t there

nattytaffy: It’s okay Petey, I’d rather you not be there anyways

wintersmoulder: it only would’ve caused trouble for u don’t worry about it

peterparkour: i still feel bad though

wintersmoulder: don’t worry about it

wintersmoulder: it was my own damn fault anyways

katniss: ..

falconfratboy: No it wasn’t, Bucky

wintersmoulder: technically it was if i just did what he said then none of this wouldve happened

nattytaffy: Sam’s right, that guy was just a psychopath and nothing more

wintersmoulder: yeah but what if it was my fault too

wintersmoulder: if i weren’t so sensitive about shit then he wouldn’t have been so angry

nattytaffy: Bucky do we need to talk about something

peterparkour: uh guys?

 

—

call transcript

Bucky Barnes -> Steve Rogers

sunday, 9:30 PM

“Buck?”

“Hey Steve.”

“What’s up? Do you need anything?”

“N-No, i’m just...”

“Were—were you crying?”

“What? No. I just got allergies. Yup. Way too manly to cry.”

“Buck...”

“Fine, I was crying. I’m over it now.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

“...No, I wanna be alone. But I just wanted to hear your voice. Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re okay. What did you wanna talk about?”

(sigh) “Can I get personal? Like, really really personal?”

“Depends. Personal like, really deep and depressing or the /other/ personal?”

“Ew, no. More like...”

“Like what?”

“Like, how I lost my arm?”

“...Sure. Only if you want to.”

“I jus’ wanna get it off my chest. I’m tired of keeping secrets and some people knowing and some people not. I want you to know.”

“Go ahead.”

(sigh) “Okay, so... in freshman year, I was 14 years old. It was around then when I knew I was gay, so bein’ the dumb little prick I a—was, I tried experimenting with shit i shouldn’t have.”

“Like what?”

“Sex.”

“Ah.”

“So there’s this kid in sophomore year, 16 years old. Super cute, his name is Brock Rumlow, we fucked in a car, and he took my virginity. Long story short I wanted it to end there but he wouldn’t leave me alone... started going to my house, following me around school. Got really scary. So I gave in and started ‘dating’ him.”

“Buck...”

“It wasn’t that bad. I started liking it... he was nice an’ stuff, got me flowers, he cared about me. I didn’t really have any friends then because he insisted that I couldn’t hang out with any guys at school and got crazy jealous. I tried hangin’ out with girls, that’s when I met Peggy and Pepper, but rumors got out that I was gay and I stopped. I only hung out with Brock, every day after school and every weekend. I saw that fucker more than I saw my own parents. (bitter laugh)

Then I wanted to go out with my family, my sister Kelcee was only 10 by the way, he got pissed. He got pissed a lot, actually, he always turned around any plans I had so I ended up watching movies and sleeping with him. When I turned 15 I wanted to break it off, because I could tell it wasn’t how a real relationship worked... I thought that, maybe, I deserved better? Dumb as hell, right?”

“No, it’s not. You deserved so much better, Buck, I—“

“It’s okay. I know, Steve.”

“You deserve so much better than that piece of shit, I’m so sorry.”

“You- you didn’t do that to me, Stevie.”

“I know, but... Sorry, I cut you off.”

“Oh! Oh yeah, right. So I tried breaking up with him. Didn’t work out. He beat the shit out of me, and uh... y-yeah, I was able to leave his sorry ass but when I went back to school the next day everyone was staring at me. They looked like I was a piece of mold on the locker room floor. Like I was disgusting. Somehow I knew it was Rumlow, but I never asked about it, and my parents thought I was just having a hard time because I told them I fell down the stairs and that’s how I fractured my rib. People told me to kill myself, and I almost considered it, too.”

“Bucky—“

“It was ages ago. But I thought about it a lot, and I was gonna do it— and I left a note in my room that my parents never found and I started walking around town for hours in a loop until I ended up at the bridge.”

“...”

“I stopped myself before I did it, anyways. These— these seniors from school were coincidentally driving by and saw me there, so they started beating me up too. They called me a faggot, they told me I was worthless and...”

“Bucky, you don’t have to tell me thi—“

“They threw me off the bridge.”

“...I...”

“It’s the bridge that you go over when you enter town, so the one that goes over that canyon-thingy with all the boulders. A-a boulder crushed my left arm completely, and I sat at the bottom of that bridge praying I would die because it hurt so fucking much. The police and ambulances came a few minutes later, since my mom already called the cops when she realized I was missing for a few hours, so it wasn’t that long.”

“I’m so, so fucking sorry.” (voice cracking) “Bucky, you deserve so much better than that to happen, and I...”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. Fuck, it took so long to finally tell Nat, Sam and Clint individually. It was when I came back to school with a metal arm that people started leavin’ me alone, that’s when Nat started hangin out with me too. Something in me knows that it was just pity, but... yeah. I just wanted to tell you. You deserve to know what you’re dealing with.”

“I know, but... you, you know I would never do anything like that to you right?”

(softly) “Of course I do.”

“I like you. A lot. And if anyone ever laid a hand on you I promise they never will again.”

“I like you too. G’night, Stevie.”

“G’night, Bucky.”

-end call-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel bad for making bucky suffer but i hope this was entertaining to u all
> 
> feel free to harass me or yell at me for this chapter in my dms (@cryptic_potato on instagram)


	13. parkour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter gets hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yknow how in the author's notes chapter i said that the jojo siwa cult's troublemaking would rub off on peter? at least he has a reason though. ajax is an asshole
> 
> so much happens in this chapter that i can’t describe over text so i’ll most likely be drawing a comic if it on my instagram (@cryptic_potato) some time in the future

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 8:31 AM

falconfratboy: Bucky

falconfratboy: There’s a point in every man’s life where he learns how to tie his goddamn shoes

wintersmoulder: fuck you

nattytaffy: Did he trip again

falconfratboy: (facescrape.png)

nattytaffy: Gold

peterparkour: i watched bucky try to tie his shoes the other day

falconfratboy: And then what happened

peterparkour: i had to tie them for him

wintersmoulder: leave me alone

katniss: >:3 furry

wintersmoulder: stop calling me a furry:((

katniss: u are one!!!!!!!

katniss: it makes sense look furries don’t wear shoes so they wouldn’t know how to tie their shoes

wintersmoulder: i’m not a furry

wintersmoulder: t’challa is

falconfratboy: Yeah T’Challa is a huge furry

peterparkour: but is he a l o c a l furry

katniss: Totally

wintersmoulder: i’ve seen worse furries

wintersmoulder: this one girl in 8th grade took commissions and made fur suits

wintersmoulder: i wonder where she is now

peterparkour: f u r r y. h e l l

wintersmoulder: but t’challa is so cool and rich i wanna be like him

wintersmoulder: he’s hot too he should be my rich husband

katniss: bucky u should come to the terms that you are in fact the rich husband

wintersmoulder: yeah but i’m the trashy husband so u can’t tell

wintersmoulder: but t’challa is classy and has nice hands

peterparkour: woah james buchanan barnes has a hand kink???????

nattytaffy: Steve said that you complimented his hands the first time you texted

wintersmoulder: HE HAS NICE HANDS

katniss: bucky: THEYD LOOK EVEN BETTER WRAPPED AROUND MY CO—

peterparkour: gross !!!!

wintersmoulder: i’m so tired of getting in fights guys

wintersmoulder: can we keep it down low this week

wintersmoulder: other than peter he’s my unproblematic king

peterparkour: :)

katniss: we stan

katniss: sammy said that he won’t fight quill this week

wintersmoulder: aww yeahhhh

wintersmoulder: no more detentions

 

—

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Clint Barton (katniss)

monday, 11:35 AM

peterparkour: hilo this is peter parkour i’m calling abt your car insurance

katniss: its free real estate

katniss: who is this

peterparkour: it’s scott lang i stole peter’s phone

katniss: ant kid

peterparkour: i just wanted to let u know that uh in the courtyard i think peter is fighting ajax

katniss: fight fight or fist fight

peterparkour: both

peterparkour: and it started with wade getting shoved around so my conclusion is that they are gay and in love

katniss: On my way!

peterparkour: we stan autocorrect

 

—

 

monday, 11:37 PM

katniss: CODE RRED

katniss: COURTYARD

wintersmoulder: WHO THE FUCK WAS IT THIS TIME

wintersmoulder: WAS IT SAM

katniss: ITS PETER

wintersmoulder: IM COMING

 

—

 

monday, 11:52 PM

wintersmoulder: nattttttttt

wintersmoulder: my knees are skinned from when i jumped out of the window

wintersmoulder: will u clean them

nattytaffy: Just go to the nurse

wintersmoulder: i can’t go to the office fury is pissed at us again:(

katniss: i guess you could say he’s FURIOUS

wintersmoulder: :(

falconfratboy: Peter’s going to be okay

falconfratboy: I’m waiting with Ms. Hill and she says that she doesn’t think he’s the one who provoked it

wintersmoulder: yeah but still

wintersmoulder: what if he gets suspended

falconfratboy: The way that ajax is being yelled at I doubt it

 

—

 

Peter Protection Cult  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

monday, 11:55 AM

wintersmoulder: besides where the fuck is wade!!! he HAS to be the cause of it

katniss: damn we really switching chats? why we whispering

falconfratboy: No idea

falconfratboy: Where Wade is i mean

nattytaffy: Peter is smart enough to know not to get in fights with people unless he has a reason

nattytaffy: It’s nothing to drag Wade into I’m positive he’s gone through worse

wintersmoulder: i jus wanna talk natty:)))

nattytaffy: Heel

falconfratboy: HE’S OUT

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

monday, 12:07 PM

mercwithamouth: so i know that you’re probably busy being yelled at by fury or interrogated by the breakfast club, and you probably won’t see this for a few hours since you shut your phone off when things get overwhelming

mercwithamouth: and you have a lot of reasons to be overwhelmed right now

mercwithamouth: but i’m so sorry that ajax took this shit out on you, it was supposed to be my fight and you have to deal with all my fucking bullshit when i look like a burnt chicken nugget and ill never deserve to take someone as amazing as you off the market

mercwithamouth: but i’ll never stop trying to be good enough because somebody fucking has to

mercwithamouth: i love you

 

—

 

Peter Protection Cult  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

monday, 12:30 PM

katniss: BETER LEFT

wintersmoulder: WGAT DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT

katniss: HE READ SOMETHING ON HIS PHONE AND BOLTED

katniss: IT WAS WADE IM CALLING IT

nattytaffy: Clint. I told you to watch him

katniss: I WAS

falconfratboy: He’s running to the roof

wintersmoulder: FOLLOW THAT FUNKY LITTLE MAN

falconfratboy: So you’re saying I grabbed all these medical supplies for nOTHING

wintersmoulder: JUST FOLLOW HIM I WANNA SEE WHERE THIS GOES

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 1:21 PM

wintersmoulder: so beter now that you know that we know about wade then how did u guys meet;))))))))

nattytaffy: Bucky

peterparkour: can i tell all of u guys later

peterparkour: my hand hurts too much to type

katniss: aww yeah i asked coulson and ajax is getting suspendeddddsdddd

wintersmoulder: aww yeah boy

katniss: omfg did u hear that tony was sent home because he got high off smoking smarties

nattytaffy: Don’t remind me

 

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

monday, 2:05 PM

peterparkour: i love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i noticed that this regular commenter named mango supreme hasn't been commenting recently so dude if ur reading this i just wanna make sure ur okay


	14. * not a chapter *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: so this isn’t important anymore but i’m keeping the chapter up because i like reading all the lovely comments and:))) u can skip over this one if u want

hey guys so my phone was snatched and I won't get it back for a month, I don't want to get into the details bc I'll just have another mental breakdown but it also included my drawings being torn up by my mother and them being called talentless and garbage

I also deactivated my Instagram, I know that not many people from here follow me there but ,, if there's any commotion will you please let me know in the comments of this chapter? Basically ao3 is the only connection I have to the outside world rn

Anyways if it weren't obvious I won't be able to update chapters, but I'll try to rewrite the one I had on my phone (over 1500 words yikes) while I have time

Periodical updates will begin again on december 5, but I will be back. Just know that if your reading this and it's been weeks since the last chapter, this fic is NOT abandoned. I'll probably take this time to write an actual outline for it and plan out the future chapters Ily stay safe don't die while I'm gone 

Sincerely me


	15. mission impossible: part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony learns that snorting smarties isn’t smart. bucky calls in a favor from bucky’s bitches. wade loki and clint form the dirty gang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so damn much for your patience, i was able to get my phone back early and i’m glad to finally be able to post this shitshow. i actually really like this chapter hence why i’m doing 2 parts. again, thank you for waiting and i’ll be sure to start pumping out chapters again v soon <3

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 3:31 PM

greenandmean: What the fuck, Tony

starspangledsteve: What did he do this time

rawrimadinothor: IM CRYING WHY

greenandmean: Tony decided to snort crushed up smarties in the middle of class

starspangledsteve: Blease don’t tell me he’s in the office

peterparkour: we stan legends only

greenandmean: So very conveniently, Coulson walked into the class while Tony started gagging on the floor and now he’s being dragged to the nurse

starspangledsteve: Tony always did suck at inhaling drugs

rawrimadinothor: HE’S GOING TO GET FLAMED IM CALLING IT

starspangledsteve: I doubt it

starspangledsteve: Coulson and Hill love him

starspangledsteve: At the very worst he’ll be high off fucking candy and get sent home

greenandmean: I’m still going to crucify him tomorrow morning

peterparkour: they’re making me take his stuff to the office

rawrimadinothor: WIG

 

—

 

monday, 4:47 PM

irondaddy: yo howard isn’t home yet so what should i do before death row

greenandmean: Sneak out?

starspangledsteve: Anthony Rogers what the hell

irondaddy: i CANT sneak out brucey howard made jarvis lock all the windows in my room

peterparkour: then leave the room ?

irondaddy: bold of u to assume my door isn’t locked from the outside

peterparkour: what the fjck

irondaddy: lmao my mom is so fucking useless when i got home she didn’t say anything to me other than ‘your father is gonna be pissed’

irondaddy: and this is probably the last you’ll see of my beautiful presence on this gc for a while

irondaddy: or my presence at all, hell is abt to break loose

rawrimadinothor: Would you like me to shatter your window open with a hammer

irondaddy: nah it’s bulletproof

peterparkour: so you’re saying that you’re locked in your room like an animal

irondaddy: well yeah but i also have the full first season of victorious on dvr so i’m set until howard beats my ass

greenandmean: Tony.

irondaddy: don’t get all butthurt baby boy i’ll be fine

irondaddy: don’t worry about me

greenandmean: Kind of impossible at this point

starspangledsteve: Tony you need to find a way out of that mansion

irondaddy: it’s not a mansion

irondaddy: it’s a big house

starspangledsteve: Tony

irondaddy: whoops gotta blast i hear footsteps:))))

starspangledsteve: Call me when you can

 

—

 

tony protection squad  
members:  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

monday, 2:53 PM

starspangledsteve added peterparkour to the chat

starspangledsteve: So Peter i’m positive you either a) have information or b) have questions

peterparkour: b

starspangledsteve: Alright

rawrimadinothor: Stark’s father is a gaping asshole

greenandmean: Ew

peterparkour: i mean,, i already knew that just from meeting him twice in my lifetime but go off

greenandmean: Yeah no he is actually a mentally abusive asshole

starspangledsteve: And a dick

rawrimadinothor: He’s an asshole and a dick :D

peterparkour: what do u guys think will happen to tony then

starspangledsteve: Jarvis will either be able to calm Howard down before he gets to Tony’s room

starspangledsteve: Or Tony is getting his ass handed to him

peterparkour: and what can we do

greenandmean: I mean

greenandmean: Nothing really

starspangledsteve: The entire estate is heavily guarded there’s no way we could get inside in the first place

starspangledsteve: besides, it’s too late to do anything now, and we could risk getting arrested if we’re caught trespassing

peterparkour: i mean you only live how many ever times you’re reincarnated

rawrimadinothor: Stark has stated that he despises when we try to interfere with his home life

peterparkour: oaky dokey but if tony gets hurt or he doesn’t show up to school tomorrow i’m going to combust and you all are doing something jail be damned

peterparkour: this isn’t okay

greenandmean: You think we don’t know that?

starspangledsteve: Let’s make a deal

starspangledsteve: Tony doesn’t show up to school tomorrow, we skip class and break him out

starspangledsteve: He shows up safe and sound, we leave Howard alone

peterparkour: deal

 

—

 

chandler would DECK regina george fuck off  
members:  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

tuesday, 6:23 PM

rawrimadinothor: He’s not going to school tomorrow

greenandmean: I know that

greenandmean: But what else should we do

greenandmean: Tony hates when we get involved with shit like this

rawrimadinothor: I’m convinced that Bucky and his friends have rubbed off on the spider child, to be frank

greenandmean: What makes you think that

rawrimadinothor: Peter’s determination for not wanting to let it happen

greenandmean: Yeah

greenandmean: But Steve knows what he’s doing

greenandmean: I can tell that he still really cares for Tones despite what happened

rawrimadinothor: That’s why he said we would break him out tomorrow, it’d be guaranteed

greenandmean: We’ll see tomorrow

rawrimadinothor: Gotcha

rawrimadinothor: Good night

greenandmean: G’night dork

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 7:58 PM

peterparkour: ok so u know how howard stark is a douche

mercwithamouth: hewwo to you too petey

peterparkour: :( wade this is serious

mercwithamouth: yes i do

mercwithamouth: anyone who has seen stark come to school with bruises down his arm knows how his dad is a douche

peterparkour: you’re not busy are you

mercwithamouth: nope

peterparkour: and you know how to get past high tech security for some reason

mercwithamouth: in my sleep

peterparkour: will you, like, break in and check on him

peterparkour: i really don’t even know him as a cousin but he’s still my friend and i care about him

mercwithamouth: np

peterparkour: thank you

mercwithamouth: anything for the boy i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

peterparkour: :)

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

monday, 8:29 PM

mercwithamouth added irondaddy to the chat

mercwithamouth: is your balcony unlocked

irondaddy: ?????????

irondaddy: why the fuck

irondaddy: are you outside my window

mercwithamouth: yeahhhhhhhhh

irondaddy: uh yeah come in ig

 

—

 

tony protection squad  
members:  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 8:45 AM

peterparkour: he’s not here >:1

starspangledsteve: Fuck

starspangledsteve: Okay how are we gonna do this

greenandmean: To be completely honest I have no idea

greenandmean: None of us are devious enough to pull off a grand heist

peterparkour: we’ll need someone smart enough to pull this off

rawrimadinothor: Someone who knows their way around high security

greenandmean: But dumb enough to do this in the first place

starspangledsteve: ...

greenandmean: Steve no

starspangledsteve: Steve yes

peterparkour: ohhhhhhhh

greenandmean: Peter no

peterparkour: peter yes

starspangledsteve added wintersmoulder to the chat

peterparkour: BUCKY WE NEED YOUR HELP

wintersmoulder: who’s dying thots

peterparkour: TONY

wintersmoulder: i hate that guy???

starspangledsteve: Bucky ..

wintersmoulder: sigh

wintersmoulder: what do you need

starspangledsteve: We need help planning a grand escape do you think you can help us

greenandmean: As long as it doesn’t involve death, I don’t want to go to jail

wintersmoulder: this shit is amateur but ok

wintersmoulder: we’re gonna need some help from bucky’s bitches

peterparkour: am i one of bucky’s bitches

wintersmoulder: absolutely

rawrimadinothor: Oh goodness who are they

wintersmoulder: ,, okay let’s move this to the hell chat from friday night

wintersmoulder: pretty much everyone on there is my bitches plus strange because he’s a beautiful independent man but he can help us

greenandmean: Go ahead

 

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

tuesday, 8:55 AM

wintersmoulder: everyone down for a distraction from this damn assembly

mrmischief: I cannot express how much I am, this anti bullying guy’s voice gets more aggravating every second

wizardsonlyfools: Very

katniss: fuck yeah!!!!!! what’s the occasion

mercwithamouth: YES

wintersmoulder: Stark is in trouble we’re gonna 007 this bitch

katniss: YES

wintersmoulder: does anyone know if he has his phone

mercwithamouth: nope he doesn’t

mercwithamouth: he had a spare but his dad smashed it onto the ground

starspangledsteve: How do you know that???

mercwithamouth: telepathy, captain delicious pants

rawrimadinothor: Fun

wintersmoulder: okay

peterparkour: we should try sneaking him a phone

wintersmoulder: okay does anyone have a spare phone he can borrow

nattytaffy: No, why don’t you just buy him one

wintersmoulder: then i have to go to at&t ????

falconfratboy: Bucky you’re rich, just buy the damn phone

wintersmoulder: fine only for the thrill

wintersmoulder: but we need someone to get it inside

wizardsonlyfools: I can

wizardsonlyfools: I have guest authorization for the automatic doors

greenandmean: ...I don’t even have that

wintersmoulder: PERFECT STEPHEN LETS GO WE’RE GOING TO GET STARK BACK

wintersmoulder: EVERYONE ELSE, STATION AROUND THE AREA SO ME AND WIZARD MAN CAN LEAVE

wintersmoulder: LOKI DO YOU HAVE EXPLOSIVES ON YOU

mrmischief: Every day

wintersmoulder: YOU AND CLINT BOTH LIGHT A DISTRACTION IN THE FRONT YARD

katniss: FIGHT THE POWER

wintersmoulder: ANYONE ELSE CAN TAG ALONG IF THEY WANT

starspangledsteve: Yeah I’m going

falconfratboy: No way i’m missing out on this shit

nattytaffy: I’m chaperoning

peterparkour: i’ll go

wintersmoulder: LETS GO WE ARE WASTING TIME

 

—

 

tuesday, 9:32 AM

wintersmoulder: we got the phone

greenandmean: That totally didn’t take half an hour

wintersmoulder: shut up i had to sign paperwork

wintersmoulder: stark’s house next how’s it holding up back there

katniss: Loki and I are just waiting by the woods playing poker don’t mind us

rawrimadinothor: Everyone is heading back to class

wintersmoulder: alrite we’re going as far as my t e s l a. can take us

katniss: as if your dad’s ferrari wasn’t enough

wintersmoulder: (wigsnatched.png)

nattytaffy: I will kill you if you don’t keep your eyes on the road again

mrmischief: (asshole.png)

msmischief: Peter come get this fucking lobster headass he snuck up behind us in the woods and Barton is crying on the floor

peterparkour: wade !!!!!!

mercwithamouth: WE ARE THE DIRTY GANG JIT

 

—

 

tuesday, 10:02 AM

wintersmoulder: ABORT MISSION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER CLIFFHANGER CLIFFHANGER


	16. mission impossible: part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky’s bitches blow up a backyard. sam falls off the roof. bucky is worried about something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter honestly kinda sucks but what can u do

—

 

tuesday, 10:02 AM

wintersmoulder: ABORT MISSION

wintersmoulder: HOWARD IS ON OUR SJSHVWBWV FUCKVBBF TAIL

peterparkour: m so scared

greenandmean: What is he doing

mrmischief: >:)

nattytaffy: Preposterous accusation, but alas

falconfratboy: Hes just.. on the phone

falconfratboy: About to get in the car

falconfratboy: Clint where are you can you use your super sonic heating aid

starspangledsteve: Is this an average Tuesday morning with you all

katniss: setting up in the back, we’ll be a few

wintersmoulder: honestly yeah

peterparkour: where are nat steve and sam

falconfratboy: On the roof

nattytaffy: This dumbass almost fell

falconfratboy: i’m not drunk this time I want to live this place is tall as shit

starspangledsteve: I would pay to watch that

wizardsonlyfools: Can we just get this over with

mercwithamouth: explosives take a hot second to set up mr wizard!!!

mercwithamouth: it would be faster if snake penis actually helped us out instead of sitting there but:(

mrmischief: These nails could buy your house

mercwithamouth: the author is shaking in their navy seal leather boots

wintersmoulder: ???

wintersmoulder: howard is driving away finally thank god

greenandmean: So how are we doing this

nattytaffy: Sam and I are disabling the security cameras with 8 cans of silly string

nattytaffy: Steve is allergic to latex so he’s our lookout

nattytaffy: We’re making it to the main corridor where the dirty gang sets off the explosives in the empty lot behind us to create a distraction for the workers and maids etc

nattytaffy: Then Stephen opens all the doors along the way and we get to Tony’s room and deliver the phone, our escape route is probably just the balcony but we can compromise if need be

wintersmoulder: hey nattttttt???

nattytaffy: ...

wizardsonlyfools: ...the pass was disabled a few hours ago

nattytaffy: What the fuck

katniss: pics or it didn’t happen

wizardsonlyfools: (passdisabled.png)

wizardsonlyfools: Yeah we’re stuck

peterparkour: wait i can hack it # sled gang

wintersmoulder: then do ur magic nerd

peterparkour: i can’t.. there’s nothing to hack INTO buckaroni and cheese

wintersmoulder: then we’ll just have to find the control room

rawrimadinothor: Meanwhile, Purcell asked where Sam was so I panicked and said he was at a gynecologist appointment

starspangledsteve: PRESS F TO PAY RESPECTS

falconfratboy: listen you little foreign shit I have a reputation

rawrimadinothor: I just saved your arse honestly

falconfratboy: Why would I even need to go to a gynecologist

rawrimadinothor: We don’t assume anything here !!!!!

falconfratboy: I have a dick

katniss: that’s ironic considering you’re a huge pUSS Y 

—

tuesday, 10:17 AM

falconfratboy: Are the explosives ready yet

mrmischief: ask the people actually setting up

katniss: yes ready whenever you are

greenandmean: Does Peter know how to unlock all the doors?

peterparkour: nnNoPE I CANT CODE IM SOWWY

greenandmean: Just call me and I’ll walk you through it

rawrimadinothor: Oh my god I wanna watch!!

katniss: we made a dirty gang rap

katniss: (dirtygangdirtygangdirtygang.mov)

wizardsonlyfools: I don’t know how to feel

wintersmoulder: YIFF OR MISS

wintersmoulder: I GUESS THEY NEVER YIFF

nattytaffy: Huh

katniss: U GOT A FUR FRIEND

peterparkour: I BET HE DOESNT K N O T YA

falconfratboy: P O P

peterparkour: we did it!!!

wintersmoulder: NOW

falconfratboy: NOW WADE

mercwithamouth: 3

rawrimadinothor: DONT DIE

mercwithamouth: 2

mercwithamouth: 1

peterparkour: oHMyGdggsjHDJDK WJAGGS THE FUVIOFKEK

starspangledsteve: SSAM FELL OFF THE ROOF

nattytaffy: What the fuck was that

mrmischief: ??? explosives obviously

mrmischief: what did u expect a freaking smoke bomb

wintersmoulder: HONESTLY

greenandmean: I’m not paying any damages

greenandmean: The second you all are charged for destroying property you never saw me today

mercwithamouth: where did you get all those firecrackers

mrmischief: an outlet store in nevada

mercwithamouth: THE SHITTIER WILSON JUST FELL INTO A TREE

katniss: JUST RUENN

katniss: RUN

rawrimadinothor: Did you make it to Stark’s room

wintersmoulder: yup our damsel in distress is okay jose

peterparkour: He’s setting up the phone

starspangledsteve: Nat i’m gonna go meet them at Tony’s room, can you get Sam on your own

nattytaffy: Go on

peterparkour added irondaddy to the chat

starspangledsteve: Our little shining star

irondaddy: what the phuck did u do to my house

greenandmean: We disabled all the automatic doors and blew up your backyard

irondaddy: :)

mercwithamouth: i almost got burned to death for real this time

peterparkour: CHIEF CALLED

greenandmean: I’m

nattytaffy: Sam and I are coming to the balcony, don’t be alarmed

mrmischief: i’ll be taking my leave, i have a history test in 20 minutes

katniss: how are u getting home

mrmischief: i have a personal chauffeur that can speed so fast she can get here in 5 mins

mrmischief: her name is my bitchy sister named hela i pay her in breadcrumbs and favors

irondaddy: i hate u all

irondaddy: but thank you

irondaddy: i would’ve died without a phone

mercwithamouth: np sugar tits

nattytaffy: Anytime

peterparkour: we stan

peterparkour: as long as you’re okay

wintersmoulder: beter he has bruises covering his arm

peterparkour: i’m trying to stay positive bucky :)

wintersmoulder: :-)

wintersmoulder: well i’m going back to school is the coast clear

rawrimadinothor: Yes, head on back

greenandmean: Just make sure that Hill and Coulson don’t see you

nattytaffy: Everyone meet outside, just steer clear of the backyard that’s where all the maids are

irondaddy: if howard finds out you did this shit i’m gonna die a second time fyi

wintersmoulder: he won’t.

wintersmoulder: bruce can u delete the security camera footage just in case it saw sam nat and steve

greenandmean: From the last hour will do?

wintersmoulder: yup

katniss: ?steve are u coming or

starspangledsteve: ..No I think I’ll stay back for a while, y’all can go ahead

mercwithamouth: rogers really is a country boy confirmed

starspangledsteve: You all*******

wintersmoulder: lets go stephen

wizardsonlyfools: Alright

irondaddy: bye dorks

irondaddy: thanks again

peterparkour: u guys don’t understand how much sam craves death

 

—

 

BOOM BITCH GET OUT THE WAY  
members:  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

tuesday, 10:45 AM

nattytaffy: Are you kidding me, Bucky?

wintersmoulder: why we whispering

nattytaffy: You seriously don’t think that Steve and Tony like each other

wintersmoulder: i never said any of that actually

wintersmoulder: drop it natasha please

nattytaffy: They’re over, you /know/ that

wintersmoulder: tasha please just forget it

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 1:29 PM

greenandmean: But Tony are you seriously okay

irondaddy: sure am

irondaddy: he hit me, but he always does

peterparkour: :(

irondaddy: it’s okay at least steve is keeping me company for now

rawrimadinothor: If you ever happen to need anything, you’ll let us know, correct?

irondaddy: of course i will

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

tuesday, 3:53 PM

wintersmoulder added wizardsonlyfools to the chat

wintersmoulder: can we talk

wintersmoulder: its about tony

wintersmoulder: and steve

wizardsonlyfools: You tend to get used to it

wintersmoulder: to what

wizardsonlyfools: You know what, Barnes

wintersmoulder: can we meet at starbucks

wintersmoulder: steve doesn’t have a shift there today

wizardsonlyfools: Sure

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

tuesday, 5:30 PM

mercwithamouth added mrmischief and katniss to the chat

mercwithamouth named the chat ‘dirty gang’

mrmischief: are u kidding me

mercwithamouth: i wish i were

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u all for the kind comments they keep me going:)


	17. vegemite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wade is whipped for peter. tony exposes thorbruce. clint and bucky are weed buddies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is really short and uneventful i’m sowwy but like . buildup for something in the future y’know
> 
> but here’s some fluff with the boys because they deserve a break after that mansion fiasco

 

 

—

 

call transcript

Bucky Barnes -> Natasha Romanov

wednesday, 2:12 AM

“What’s up, Buck?”

“Can—can I come over? I k-know it’s late, I just...”

“Of course you can.”

“M’Sorry.”

“Did you have a bad dream?”

(long sigh) “...Yeah.”

“I’m coming to pick you up.”

“N-No, ‘Tasha, it’s late, you shouldn’t be drivin’, I’ll drive ther—“

“—Yeah, I’ll be damned if I let you drive a fucking Range Rover right now. Just stay there, James, and pack your shit.”

“...I was gonna take the Ferrari but okay.”

“I’ll see you in 5 minutes, Buck.”

“Thank you.”

-call end-

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 9:07 AM

falconfratboy: Stark is here today

nattytaffy: Good

wintersmoulder: sorry i couldnt carpool u guys today

katniss: its cool

falconfratboy: You’re fine man

katniss: guys honestly bucky is so hott

katniss: i’m gae for him mymymrmsn fuckign boyfriend who shehwjw spits in my moutjjhf

wintersmoulder: i’m flattered

peterparkour: wade stole clint’s phone

katniss: ???????????:$ no

wintersmoulder: so how are you lovebirds doing

peterparkour: great

katniss: WADE LOVES BETER

katniss: HES PERFECT

nattytaffy: Disgusting

falconfratboy: I’m livid

katniss: I LOVVEEEEEEE HIM

katniss: I MEAN WADE LOVES HIM

peterparkour: peter loves wade

katniss: :)

wintersmoulder: u guys are cute

falconfratboy: Spideypool really out here being THAT couple

nattytaffy: What the hell is a spideypool

falconfratboy: It’s their chat name

wintersmoulder: ohhhhhhh

katniss: i have a confession to make

katniss: i’m not clint barton

katniss: i’m wade wilson from the dirty gang

falconfratboy: Yea we know bro

nattytaffy: You don’t have to add the ‘from the dirty gang’ part either.

katniss: barton is also asleep on the floor in algebra 2

katniss: and i have sharpies

wintersmoulder: well

peterparkour: wadeeeeeee

katniss: :(

katniss: also also i saw stark he’s like. really depressed

wintersmoulder: yeahhhhhhhhhh

nattytaffy: He’s just mad that we interfered

peterparkour: why did we evn do it in the 1st blace..

nattytaffy: The sport

falconfratboy: The thrill

wintersmoulder: steve was worried

wintersmoulder: well and everyone else

katniss: i almost forgot that #stony was a thing in sophomore

wintersmoulder: they were closeted

katniss: yup

peterparkour: wade we need to go to class

katniss: u mean to the janitor’s closet

peterparkour: i hate you

katniss: that’s not what you saidladvvu bb. bbb. m

katniss: IM BACK WHAT DID HE SAY

nattytaffy: Just him swooning over Peter

katniss: thsts some relatable content

falconfratboy: Guys Ms. Spence isn’t wearing a bra

nattytaffy: Sid the sloth

wintersmoulder: I KNOW i was cringing the entire time

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 1:21 PM

irondaddy: guys remember when thor and bruce were pining idiots

starspangledsteve: Very

peterparkour: i’m intrigued

greenandmean: Remember when there was this huge misunderstanding about that girl Jane and I punched Thor in the nose so hard he started crying

rawrimadinothor: I cried because I was sad that I made you sad:(

irondaddy: GAY

irondaddy: peter let me tell you how dumb these two were last year

irondaddy: they wouldn’t stop flirting

irondaddy: then they were depressed because thor’s dad is a homophobic shit fr

irondaddy: i had to watch mean girls with bruce every fucking night he was so emo

greenandmean: I resent that

irondaddy: but then tweedle dum and tweedle dee finally pulled their dicks out and made out

rawrimadinothor: Watch it, Stark naked

rawrimadinothor: Don’t pretend we don’t remember that from last year

peterparkour: WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR

starspangledsteve: DON’T TELL HIM

irondaddy: i have no shame go ahead

rawrimadinothor: Stark lost a bet saying he wouldn’t throw up while eating vegemite so he streaked across the school in nothing but a pair of boxers and socks

starspangledsteve: I have pictures that Rhodey sent me btw

irondaddy: that was the highlight of my high school career

irondaddy: fun fact that was the same day that bruce punched thor

peterparkour: LMAO

greenandmean: It felt great.

rawrimadinothor: :( Babe

greenandmean: You were being a douche

irondaddy: a sexy jock douche***

starspangledsteve: That sounds more romantic than me and Tony were

starspangledsteve: He just slapped my ass and called me a golden retriever

irondaddy: now i can grab your tits and call you a golden retriever

starspangledsteve: I have a boyfriend

peterparkour: he does in fact

irondaddy: sorry sorry i only slap meat that’s pesticide free

starspangledsteve: You’re implying that Bucky is a pesticide

irondaddy: yes

peterparkour: guys the dirty gang really out there existing

peterparkour: that rap is stuck in my headdd

irondaddy: all of them are gonna end up in jail one day

starspangledsteve: Apparently Scott lang and Peter Quill are joining it

greenandmean: That’s a chaotic evil group right there

—

 

super mario bros  
members:  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

wednesday, 6:41 PM

wintersmoulder: clint are u busy

katniss: nope

katniss: what’s up

wintersmoulder: wanna get high tonight

wintersmoulder: i got the goods

katniss: from who

wintersmoulder: peter quill obviously

katniss: i thought you were going on a date with steve

wintersmoulder: nope, he’s busy

katniss: let me guess

katniss: with tony?

wintersmoulder: how’d you know

katniss: he’s been following him around like a bodyguard all day

wintersmoulder: so yes to the good kush or not

katniss: i’m On my way!

wintersmoulder: autocorrect

katniss: fcuk off

 

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

wednesday, 11:20 PM

helayeahman: i feel drama brewing in the air

mrmischief: yup

mrmischief: grab your popcorn

mrmischief: it’s gonna be an angsty one

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky gets high when he’s really emo and wants to vent but also doesn’t want to suffer the consequences so he does it with clint because clint can’t remember anything when he’s high


	18. miniature pony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hela finds a dog. the kids go to a party. bucky sees something he shouldn’t have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe i’m projecting but the doberman is based off my dog cassius that died a few years ago:(
> 
> and he’s basically just a bootleg version of hela’s wolf in thor ragnarok

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

thursday, 10:22 PM

helayeahman: i have bad news

mrmischief: what are you pregnant

helayeahman: no worse than that

mrmischief: thor is pregnant??????

rawrimadinothor: ?????????

greenandmean: I’m

helayeahman: i got a text from dad

helayeahman: he’s coming home on saturday

rawrimadinothor: ...MOTHERFUCKER

mrmischief: SHIT

mrmischief: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT THE MINIATURE PONY IN THE BACKYARD

greenandmean: I don’t even want to know the backstory behind that

helayeahman: i have it covered 

helayeahman: a guy from college owes me a favor and he also owns an empty storage unit to hide our sins in

helayeahman: but the good news is that i found a puppy on the street and we’re hiding it in my room until dad leaves on tuesday

mrmischief: fuck that

rawrimadinothor: A PUPPY

rawrimadinothor: WHAT KIND

helayeahman: a doberman 

helayeahman: i’m coming home now humor me

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 6:43 AM

katniss: so i heard there was another party tonight

nattytaffy: ...Seriously

falconfratboy: I’m down

wintersmoulder: who’s throwing it

katniss: ah idrk but everyone’s going

katniss: its at a college

peterparkour: o

nattytaffy: High school seniors and college parties don’t mix, to be honest

katniss: its at the campus but it’s not thrown by them

katniss: empty frat house i’m assuming

falconfratboy: Who’s coming with me

katniss: me

wintersmoulder: ill go

wintersmoulder: getting drunk sounds really good right now

nattytaffy: We’re morally obligated to go as the brady bunch of the school

peterparkour: ,,i think i’ll sit this one out

falconfratboy: What kid you got a hot date??

peterparkour: yeah actually

falconfratboy: Awe yeahhhhh

katniss: what abt you bucky

katniss: how are you and steeeeeevvvvveeeee

wintersmoulder: i told you the other night didn’t i?

katniss: ???? u didn’t 

wintersmoulder: oh yeah 

wintersmoulder: we were high

nattytaffy: You two got high again?

wintersmoulder: yeaaaaaa

nattytaffy: I’m confiscating your bong

wintersmoulder: like you’re one to talk

wintersmoulder: u smoke in the bathrooms

nattytaffy: Say goodbye to your ponytail when I find you

wintersmoulder: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE TASHA

falconfratboy: I haven’t even seen you and Steve standing next to each other in the past few days what’s going on

wintersmoulder: idk he’s just busy

katniss: with stark

wintersmoulder: well no

katniss: bucky don’t lie to urself that boy is all over stark rn

wintersmoulder: he’s just a concerned friend

nattytaffy: Clint. 

nattytaffy: Watch it

falconfratboy: I’m with Clint on this one actually

falconfratboy: I’ve known Steve since 6th grade and that kid is a clingy shit to people he loves

peterparkour: ... platonic love ????

falconfratboy: Nothing against Steve all i’m saying is that he’s all over Tony atm

nattytaffy: Just drop it

wintersmoulder: yeah just leave it alone guys

katniss: alr sorry

falconfratboy: Sorry

peterparkour: hhhhh anyways does anyone know how to get blood out of clothes

nattytaffy: If it’s fresh, rinse it under water with soap and let it dry. If it’s old, scrub it off under cold water and wash it

peterparkour: thnaks 

wintersmoulder: that’s so ominous

peterparkour: wade gets in way more fights than u do

wintersmoulder: its been such a long time since i was in a fight:(

katniss: its been a week

wintersmoulder: hush

 

—

 

friday, 3:31 PM

peterparkour: TELL NATASHA TO STOP FLIRTING WITH MY AUNT

falconfratboy: NATASHA 

nattytaffy: Gtg

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 7:48 PM

peterparkour: so are u all going to the party tonight or

irondaddy: yup

starspangledsteve: I am

irondaddy: we’re going with rhodey pepper and pegs

greenandmean: No, me and the Odinsons are watching the princess bride tonight

greenandmean: Are you going

peterparkour: nein i’m hanging out with wade later

peterparkour: we’re gonna bake brownies

irondaddy: cute:(

irondaddy: god i haven’t talked to stephen in a hot minute

starspangledsteve: Why not

irondaddy: ..i don’t know actually i just haven’t seen him

irondaddy: hes not avoiding me or anything is he??

peterparkour: hahahhahahaha i doubt it

irondaddy: alexa play despacito

starspangledsteve: I haven’t talked to Bucky in a while if that makes you feel better

irondaddy: y would that make me feel better

starspangledsteve: It’s just the principle of the thing

peterparkour: idk maybe ,,you two should talk to them later

starspangledsteve: I think he might be mad at me?

peterparkour: as a member of the jojo siwa cult i can assure you he’s really not

irondaddy: wow i fucked up

starspangledsteve: We should talk to them later

irondaddy: yeahhhhhh 

 

—

 

Peter Protection Cult  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

friday, 10:05 PM

wintersmoulder: everyone use this chat for party communicating purposes

wintersmoulder: we don’t wanna spam petey while he’s on his date with wilson

falconfratboy: I’m right here though

wintersmoulder: that joke is gonna get really old

wintersmoulder: OTHER wilson

 

—

 

friday, 10:37 PM

nattytaffy: They’re playing I want it that way.

nattytaffy: Kill me.

katniss: oooh bucky dont look 

wintersmoulder: what

katniss: look downstairs !!

wintersmoulder: wow i didn’t peg pepper and peggy as college party types

katniss: not THEM dumbads llook it’s steebb 

wintersmoulder: yes i know it’s steve

katniss: hnnag on i haveta make sure sam doesn’t die

 

—

 

BOOM BITCH GET OUT THE WAY  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)

friday, 11:45 PM

wintersmoulder: natasha i’m going home

wintersmoulder: don’t bother asking why

nattytaffy: Bucky what the hell?

wintersmoulder: watch clint and sam

wintersmoulder: something came up

nattytaffy: Fine. Drive safe

 

—

 

call transcript

Tony Stark -> Bruce Banner

friday, 11:59 PM

“Hello?”

“B-Bruce, I dunno what happened, I—“

(loud slam) “Tony, what—what’s wrong? What happened?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, tell Steve that I didn’t—I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry!”

“Tony. Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong? What did you do?”

“I...”

“Tony, I’m sure it can’t be that bad. What happened? Do you need me to pick you up?”

“No.”

“Then what are you calling me for?“

“...I...”

“Spit it out, Tones. I’m picking you up right now.”

“...I kissed Steve.”

“...Shit.”

 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YELL AT ME AT MY INSTAGRAM @cryptic_potato


	19. john cena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky tells natasha what happened last night. spideypool is unproblematic. odin comes home for the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for leaving u guys hanging on that cliffhanger:( i have a lot of projects and stuff to work on
> 
> also i’d like to put a little disclaimer before we start this shall we
> 
> \- stucky and ironstrange are endgame. as much as i love bucky x tony x steve as a poly relationship , i’d still feel really crappy if i started something with stephen and didn’t finish it. this story has always been centered around tony and stephen being in a relationship, even back to the first chapter. it’s always been my intent to finish it until the end.
> 
> \- speaking of stephen, i know he isn’t in the chapters all that much, but i still try to incorporate him into the story any chance i get that’s not forced. soon you’ll see how he reacts to what happened. just give him some time.
> 
> \- tony just made a mistake. he’s been in love with steve since they were 14, and when steve always says stuff like ‘i love you’ and ‘i care about you a lot,’ and just in general is himself, how can you not expect a guy to fall in love with him all over again? hence why tony drunkenly did what he did. 
> 
> \- throughout the next few chapters you might wonder why theyre making it such a big deal, even with characters like sam saying ‘it’s just a kiss!’ while tony basically disappears off the face of the earth and bucky dies from the inside. just think about how long steve and tony have known each other, and now tony just screwed up their friendship by kissing him after they’ve been broken up for years. he feels really shitty about it.
> 
> \- bucky doesn’t hate tony, despite how often he says he does. he should understand more than anyone that feelings don’t just disappear after a long relationship. after rumlow, as much as he hated himself for it, he still loved him. he understands what it’s like. maybe that’s why he’s not really mad?
> 
> okay recap:  
> spideypool, stucky, and ironstrange are this fic’s endgame.
> 
> tony feels shitty because he just ruined one of the best friendships he’s ever had. 
> 
> bucky feels shitty because he’s not mad about it, and that makes him feel even worse.
> 
> stephen is/he will be really important, he just hasn’t proved himself yet. 
> 
> steve is really just the innocent bystander in all this (you’ll see why.)
> 
> sorry for the rambling!! onto the chapter!

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 11:01 AM

peterparkour: heyyyy minecrafters 

rawrimadinothor: Hello Peter :)

peterparkour: thor have u heard from bucky

peterparkour: or tony

peterparkour: or steve

rawrimadinothor: Bruce left last night to pick up Tony from the party and hasn’t said anything since

rawrimadinothor: MY DAD IS COMING TODAY I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MOVE THIS PONY FROM MY BACKYARD BYE PETER

peterparkour: it looks like you’re being held at gunpoint to write that

rawrimadinothor: I AM

rawrimadinothor: But anyways i have no idea what happened but loki was right about there being tension in the air! There definitely is some 

peterparkour: thnak you thor

 

—

 

dirty gang  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Peter Quill (daddyquill)

saturday, 12:46 PM

katniss: killer party last night huh

toomuchscotty: nothing like alcohol poisoning to start the weekend:)))))

mercwithamouth: o

mercwithamouth: well me and petey made brownies 

mercwithamouth: my snapchat story is golden

toomuchscotty: DISGUSTING

daddyquill: my ribs are bruised and i don’t know why

toomuchscotty: (tablejump.mov)

daddyquill: oh yeah

katniss: god you’re so fucking fun to be around

daddyquill: i love when gams puts her hair up in a bun

daddyquill: she lookin like a fine ass pineapple 

daddyquill: a fineapple

mrmischief: lets bet on how likely it is that quill got laid last night

daddyquill: its my charm

toomuchscotty: right

toomuchscotty: so wade are you still with peter porker

katniss: PORKER

mercwithamouth: yes i am in fact he is gORGEOUS

mrmischief: i’m so alone

daddyquill: damn wilson i didn’t know you swung that way

mercwithamouth: i made out with you two years ago playing spin the bottle

daddyquill: ..no??

toomuchscotty: I HAVE PICTURES

mercwithamouth: so are we all going to ignore the fact that the author is only including scott and quill in this chapter to make up for the angst from the last one

katniss: ?????????

katniss: wht angst

mrmischief: what author***********

mercwithamouth: nothing special

toomuchscotty: and his name was jOHNNNNN CENAAAAAAAA

daddyquill: (johncenathemesong.mov)

 

—

 

BOOM BITCH GET OUT THE WAY  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)

saturday, 12:52 PM

nattytaffy: You mind telling me what last night was about?

wintersmoulder: nothin

nattytaffy: This is where I start snapping fingers

wintersmoulder: my fingers ???

nattytaffy: Whoever’s you say to

wintersmoulder: hah

wintersmoulder: i don’t want to talk about it

nattytaffy: I’m going to find out on my own so you might as well just tell me

nattytaffy: Was it Rumlow

wintersmoulder: ..i mean yeah part of it

wintersmoulder: that’s not the full reason why i left

nattytaffy: So you’re saying I beat him up for nothing?

wintersmoulder: ??u beat him up???

nattytaffy: I landed a few punches

nattytaffy: Drunk Clint had to hold me back

wintersmoulder: :(

nattytaffy: Why do you care

nattytaffy: He’s an ass

wintersmoulder: yeah but..u don’t need to beat anyone up for me

wintersmoulder: i can handle myself

nattytaffy: Well look what happened

wintersmoulder: :-)

wintersmoulder: okay 

wintersmoulder: so it was like 5 minutes after peter quill world starred that folding table

nattytaffy: I’m listening

wintersmoulder: that was when i saw brock upstairs, then i remembered the mall so i freaked out like a douche and left clint there

wintersmoulder: and i ran downstairs and saw steve and tony

nattytaffy: What were they doing?

wintersmoulder: kissing

wintersmoulder: fuck

nattytaffy: Holy shit

nattytaffy: Bucky i’m so sorry

wintersmoulder: its nothing natty

nattytaffy: No it’s not

nattytaffy: You and Steve are boyfriends. That’s cheating

wintersmoulder: they were drunk

nattytaffy: That doesn’t make it any less like cheating

wintersmoulder: he didn’t even mean it

wintersmoulder: i just should have seen it coming

wintersmoulder: they’ve been fonduing all week ever since that mansion fiasco

nattytaffy: Okay I’m gonna stop you right there

nattytaffy: 1) It’s not your fault.

nattytaffy: 2) It doesn’t matter if he didn’t mean it, it’s still not okay

nattytaffy: and 3) Stop trying to justify it, even if they’ve been close all week, it’s still on them. Not on you

wintersmoulder: :( i was talking with stephen the other day too

nattytaffy: At Starbucks?

wintersmoulder: yeah

wintersmoulder: he said that tony and steve were together for years and those feelings aren’t just going to disappear 

wintersmoulder: i get it

nattytaffy: But they’re in different relationships now.

wintersmoulder: alright fine

wintersmoulder: its okay natty

nattytaffy: You deserve so much better than this shit

wintersmoulder: i love you

nattytaffy: I love you too 

wintersmoulder: i think i’m gonna stay on the down low this weekend

wintersmoulder: if anyone asks just tell them i’m on vacation in beijing 

nattytaffy: Naturally

 

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

saturday, 3:54 PM

helayeahman: dad is coming home in 1 hour people chop chop

mrmischief: get your fucking dog bitch

helayeahman: it don’t bite

mrmischief: yes it do

mrmischief: i hate rodents

rawrimadinothor: Dogs*

rawrimadinothor: You could at least get the classification right

mrmischief: u really wanna have an attitude with me right now??

mrmischief: i broke my fucking nail thor

helayeahman: did you take the ps4 to the truck yet

rawrimadinothor: I did

helayeahman: what about the snakes

mrmischief: yeah u monsters aren’t touching my babies

mrmischief: i’ll just keep them in my closet

rawrimadinothor: If they die don’t fight us:/

rawrimadinothor: That’s basically all of it 

mrmischief: whoops gotta hide my pan flag how bad would that have been

rawrimadinothor: ..thanks for reminding me i have to take down my lesbian flag

mrmischief: is the lesbian flag really necessary 

rawrimadinothor: I’m a lesbian icon Loki:(

helayeahman: hey shithead where’s your boyfriend 

helayeahman: did u hear back from him

rawrimadinothor: Oh yeah Bruce called me

helayeahman: ODIN’S AT THE AIRPORT

helayeahman: HIS PLANE LANDED EARLY

rawrimadinothor: SHIT

mrmischief: GO GOG O GO GO

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

sunday, 5:36 PM

katniss: my aesthetic is all of us being mute the entire weekend for an unnamed reason that none of us will talk about

falconfratboy: Yup

nattytaffy: Clint can you come over

katniss: i’m On my way! 

falconfratboy: AUTOCORRECT

katniss: SHUT YOUR LOBSTER HEADASS UP

 

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

sunday, 1:21 PM

mrmischief: WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE

helayeahman: ughhhhhhhhhhhdhdjsjsj

mrmischief: his bitch ass calling me an “unsatisfactory son” wtf

mrmischief: “you know, THOR’S room is more organized than yours” “you should be more like THOR”

rawrimadinothor: :(

helayeahman: don’t worry we only have 2 more days then he’ll leave a 5000 check and not come back for another month

mrmischief: god i hope so

 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst will go on for at least the next few chapters :)


	20. fre sha voca do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steve wants to know why bucky is avoiding him. clint wants to know what tongues taste like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steve is the type of person that has no idea what’s happening when he’s drunk and then has no recollection of it the next day
> 
> how convenient is that??

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)

monday, 9:11 AM

starspangledsteve: Natasha come on

starspangledsteve: I just want to talk

nattytaffy: You assume that I want to talk to you

starspangledsteve: Please

starspangledsteve: I know that you know

nattytaffy: I only act like I know everything, Rogers

starspangledsteve: I don’t even know what happened at the party, Nat, I was drunk

starspangledsteve: Did I hurt him or something??

nattytaffy: Take a guess.

starspangledsteve: If I did you would’ve beaten my ass by now

starspangledsteve: Look I don’t even care that he’s ignoring me I just want to know why

nattytaffy: You seriously don’t remember

nattytaffy: Why don’t you ask your best friend Tony?

starspangledsteve: ??????

starspangledsteve: What the hell are you talking about

nattytaffy: Look, Steve

nattytaffy: Bucky cares about you

nattytaffy: In my opinion maybe a little too much 

nattytaffy: And I’m positive that you know about the last serious relationship he was in

starspangledsteve: Of course I do

nattytaffy: If you hurt him like Brock did I’ll rip your skin off.

starspangledsteve: I already did hurt him though apparently 

starspangledsteve: Please just tell me what I did

starspangledsteve: Natasha please

nattytaffy: You’ve done enough.

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 11:35 AM

wintersmoulder: oh yeah i forgot to tell u guys

wintersmoulder: stephen basically kidnapped me and pulled me into the janitor’s closet and said he was gonna wait for tony to get over steve

falconfratboy: Exciting

wintersmoulder: right

peterparkour: how did he find out

wintersmoulder: i told him

wintersmoulder: but i’m sure he already knew

falconfratboy: Stephen is a wet blanket but he knows what he’s doing and I always respect a  
man who keeps his damn word

peterparkour: we stan a doctor king

peterparkour: hey clint we should go clean ms. collin’s mysterious science cabinet in 7th period

katniss: sounds gay im in

nattytaffy: That cabinet has roaches in it just a heads up

wintersmoulder: if people saw this chat they’d loose 100% of their respect for us

peterparkour: what’s it like to be relevant 

falconfratboy: Shut your perfect adorable bitch ass self up

katniss: ???:?:?:??:?.?. you are VERY relevant

peterparkour: ???????

wintersmoulder: guys remember a month ago when we adopted petey

katniss: good times

wintersmoulder: i wonder how much shittier our lives would be if we i never fell asleep in science so he never let me borrow his notes

falconfratboy: The only reason you fell asleep that day is because you were out that night at a bar getting laid

wintersmoulder: O

wintersmoulder: so basically i met peter because i gave 4 blowjobs in a club bathroom

peterparkour: aww

peterparkour: wait how did u get into a club you’re a minor

wintersmoulder: this guy weasel that’s friends with wade makes fake IDs

peterparkour: oh i didn’t know u knew him

katniss: what does a tongue taste like

wintersmoulder: make out with someone and find out

katniss: gross

katniss: but i’ll do it in the name of science

falconfratboy: You slut

katniss: you’re one to talk mr ‘i have chlamydia but it’s whatever’

falconfratboy: talking about bucky but okay

wintersmoulder: fyi i haven’t slutted around in like a month and a half

nattytaffy: A new record honestly 

 

—

 

SLAT  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

monday, 1:23 PM

falconfratboy: And i’m assuming you haven’t seen stark all day either

starspangledsteve: Nada

falconfratboy: I’m sure it’ll work out stevey it was just a kiss

starspangledsteve: It wasn’t though

starspangledsteve: Ughh Bruce is being so difficult

falconfratboy: Does he know

starspangledsteve: He’s the one who told me

starspangledsteve: Or, at least ,he told me the gist of it

starspangledsteve: What am I gonna do about Bucky

falconfratboy: It’s not often that someone asks for my advice mostly because i’d just shrug and say ‘eat ass smoke grass sled fast’ but i feel bad so

falconfratboy: Look he doesn’t hate you he hates himself for it more than anything 

falconfratboy: And he certainly doesn’t hate stark

starspangledsteve: He’s never going to forgive me

starspangledsteve: Tony, too

falconfratboy: What about him

starspangledsteve: I remember getting mad

starspangledsteve: Like not really mad where I yelled at him or anything but I still ran away

starspangledsteve: Tony probably feels like a douche

falconfratboy: Yeahhhhhhhhhhh

falconfratboy: And where’s Stephen

starspangledsteve: I saw him walking with Bucky today so I’m assuming they both know what happened and are forming an angry ex breakfast club

falconfratboy: It’s too soon to tell but just give the situation some time

falconfratboy: Have you ever read a fanfic before? things always work out

starspangledsteve: This is real life Samuel

falconfratboy: If I were you i’d just go about your normal life and wait for stark to come back to school

falconfratboy: And then i have no idea what to do after that

starspangledsteve: Wow you’re so helpful

falconfratboy: Anytime lover boy

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 2:49 PM

peterparkour: this closet is nasty why did i want to do this

katniss: the adventure 

wintersmoulder: is it still weird to admire steve’s ass from afar

nattytaffy: Very

falconfratboy: Nah fam it’s natural

katniss: i stare at sam’s ass all the time

falconfratboy: What

katniss: what

 

—

 

SLAT  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

monday, 2:52 PM

falconfratboy: (screenshot.png)

falconfratboy: There is hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u all for your kind words at my instagram:) like i said recently writing these past few chapters has been stressing me out, probably because i wrote, edited and uploaded 3 chapters back to back in the span of 3 days,, i don’t plan on taking a break anytime soon especially because i took a 2 week one when i got my phone snatched but i really appreciate u all caring about me


	21. tarantulas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> valkyrie gives bucky a gift. bucky gets hit up by an unknown number. someone shows up at the odinson house.
> 
> tw for verbal sexual harassment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so valkyries real name is Brunnhilde but she just went by the name Valerie when she started going to school but over time it got changed to valkyrie because of how badass she is

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 12:30 PM

wintersmoulder: guys that bisexual chick who’s the captain of the girls volleyball team just gave me a container with a tarantula in it

katniss: who now

wintersmoulder: you know her i know u do

wintersmoulder: hangs out with the odinsons and bruce a lot

wintersmoulder: has a really weird and long first name

katniss: oh that’s val

katniss: she has strong arms and big strap energy

nattytaffy: I’m gay for her

wintersmoulder: well yeah she gave it to me an said ‘u look like u need this more than i do’ and now i have a tarantula 

peterparkour: scott is asleep u should prank him

wintersmoulder: you’re right

katniss: no don’t do it his girlfriend will kill you

nattytaffy: Hope can crush me between her legs

wintersmoulder: tasha being a thirsty lesbian is my aesthetic 

nattytaffy: I’m not picky

katniss: you haven’t had a boyfriend in your life natty

nattytaffy: I’ve had sex with you before dumbass

katniss: we don’t speak of that

wintersmoulder: lets bet on when scott will realize he radiates big bi energy

falconfratboy: By the end of the school year $20

wintersmoulder: by the end of the month 100$

peterparkour: BY TOMORROW NIGHT 1 TRILLION D O W W A R S

nattytaffy: Yeah I’m not betting on this shit

 

—

 

dirty gang  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Peter Quill (daddyquill)

tuesday, 12:49 PM

toomuchscotty: i’m so traumatized bucky barnes just put a tarantula on my back while i was asleep

katniss: HAHAHHA THAT ASSHOLE DID IT

mercwithamouth: pics or it didn’t happen

katniss: oh it’s on peter’s sc story

mercwithamouth: GOTTA BLAST

toomuchscotty: i’ve been thinking like what if wade is right about there being an author writing all of our lives?? like right now she’s sitting on her couch eating chips and writing this text message

toomuchscotty: is she gonna go insane and kill all of us off one day

mercwithamouth: no then she won’t get as many kudos

toomuchscotty: oh

mercwithamouth: it’s fanfiction talk

toomuchscotty: yeah i got that wade

katniss: wow y’all are WILD

mrmischief: my father is leaving today i’m so happy

toomuchscotty: bold of u to assume i know what a dad is

mrmischief: odd flex but okay

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
unknown user (???)

tuesday, 4:12 PM

??? added wintersmoulder to the chatroom

???: hey baby

wintersmoulder: ?????????????????

???: this is bucky right

wintersmoulder: who’s asking

???: your daddy

wintersmoulder: listen dickhead hop the hell outta my messages and delete my screen name

wintersmoulder: i don’t even know u

???: yes u do i go to ur school

???: do u wanna tilt my tower

wintersmoulder: excuse me who the fuck do you think you’re talking to

wintersmoulder: i will fuck you up

???: go ahead i would like that ;)

???: do u want to lick my nutz 

???: i’ll butter your muffin for u baby girl

wintersmoulder: stop fucking texting me

wintersmoulder: u go to my school? wait till monday you fucking bitch

???: good i’ll see u in the bathroom so u can suck me off like the whore u are

wintersmoulder: i’m going to bash your fucking teeth in

wintersmoulder: u got no idea who the hell youre messing with

???: yes i do

???: aren’t you the guy who was talking with rogers for a few weeks?

???: or was it that one little bitch tony stark

wintersmoulder: don’t talk about my friends that way.

???: why? u don’t like that?

???: maybe i’ll have to fuck stark and then you’ll listen to me

wintersmoulder: guess who’s going to administration tomorrow morning

???: then i’ll tell everyone in marvel high how much of a slut you were in freshman year

???: why stop there? i’ll tell your entire family until they hate you so much you’ll live on the streets sucking even more cock for money

wintersmoulder: nice try bitch ass

wintersmoulder: i’m already a renowned slut

???: i’ll treat u so much better than that fucker rogers can

???: i don’t even go to your school so there’s no point

wintersmoulder: leave me alone. i’ll fucking kill you

???: baby girl i’d like to see u try

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 4:40 PM

wintersmoulder: nat can you come ovwr 

nattytaffy: I’m coming right now

falconfratboy: ??What happened man

wintersmoulder: (screenshotsx4.jpg)

falconfratboy: That fucking son of a bitch

falconfratboy: I’ll kill him

peterparkour: oh my god

katniss: jesus christ i’m sorry buck

wintersmoulder: its fine

falconfratboy: Yeah no

peterparkour: what a pervert

wintersmoulder: can y’all just like. tell him to fuck off for me pleasw 

katniss: we can’t separately talk to this guy because it’s an unknown user

nattytaffy: Peter can you find the IP address

peterparkour: i could try but u might be better off asking bruce or tony

nattytaffy: Please just try

peterparkour: okay

falconfratboy: You need anything bucky

wintersmoulder: i’m fine i’m just uncomfortable 

katniss: we need to tell s o m e o n e

katniss: like coulson

wintersmoulder: i don’t even think this guy goes to our school

wintersmoulder: he was just saying that to get to me

wintersmoulder: i think it was brock

nattytaffy: It’s possible

katniss: or maybe one of his friends trying to play a joke???

wintersmoulder: still worried tho

peterparkour: don’t worry mr white wolf sir if anyone tries to touch you i’ll stab them in the thigh

falconfratboy: Me too

wintersmoulder: thnak u guys:)

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
unknown user (???)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

tuesday, 5:05 PM

wintersmoulder: This is Bucky’s friend using his phone

wintersmoulder: If you ever try texting or talking to him ever again, I will know

wintersmoulder: And I’ll stab a fucking knife through your skull

wintersmoulder: You understand?

 

—

 

science bros redux  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

tuesday, 9:22 PM

irondaddy: hey odin left already right

greenandmean: Yes he left a few hours ago

irondaddy: good because i’m outside and it’s cold out let me in 

greenandmean: Jesus Christ Tones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20th actual chapter !! hooray!!


	22. i swear on my tims

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony goes back to school. stephen returns from his emo hibernation to kick ass. bucky makes a deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 99% of the comments u all leave are variations of ‘poor bucky:(‘ and it just lets me know i’m doing my job right

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

tuesday, 9:37 PM

helayeahman: so is our house the new base for runaway science boys with shitty parents because i’m down

greenandmean: I think Tony just needs company right now

rawrimadinothor: Bruce you cant say that and then menacingly telling him to “Get out if there’s nothing wrong”

greenandmean: He needs to stop denying everything

greenandmean: Besides I wasn’t going to actually kick him out in the cold

mrmischief: but you’d kick him out in the warmth right

greenandmean: No

rawrimadinothor: Do I have a hall pass to cuddle with Stark

greenandmean: You have a hall pass as long as you’re fine with me cuddling Stark every thursday night

helayeahman: get this sad white boy a hug

mrmischief: remember that rose hair tarantula that barnes gave me

mrmischief: it keeps trying to escape its terrarium

rawrimadinothor: If that spider leaves that cage I am never making you pizza rolls again

mrmischief: :^(

rawrimadinothor: TONY IS ASLEEP

helayeahman: how disrespectful falling asleep while watching the princess bride

greenandmean: He’s had a long week

rawrimadinothor: Hey babe maybe we should inform the group chat of his whereabouts

greenandmean: ..They’ll find out tomorrow

greenandmean: Steve already knows that he’s safe so it won’t make much difference, the last thing we need is him being /himself/ and coming here to see Tony

mrmischief: this sounds like a hot pot of tea i’m jealous

greenandmean: You won’t miss much

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
unknown user (???)

wednesday, 7:30 AM

??? added wintersmoulder to the chatroom

wintersmoulder: maybe there’s a reason i removed myself from this chat you feel

???: you’re always so fiery it gets me turned on

wintersmoulder: is this brock

???: i bet you wish it were

???: he tells me what a little bitch you were for him

???: what’s wrong baby are you mad at me

???: maybe i can make it up to u

wintersmoulder: just fuck off and leave me alone

???: send dick pics

wintersmoulder: in your dreams asshole

wintersmoulder left the chat

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 7:49 AM

peterparkour: tony’s back at school

wintersmoulder: yeahhhhhhhhh

falconfratboy: I thought you said you wouldn’t care if you saw him

wintersmoulder: i don’t

wintersmoulder: that wasn’t sarcastic sorry

katniss: well i’m happy he didn’t like kill himself or anything

wintersmoulder: me too

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 11:01 AM

irondaddy: hey bruce

greenandmean: Yes

irondaddy: so i was in the hall during transition getting my phone from my locker

irondaddy: and that asshole justin hammer like called me a prep boy and tried to shove me around

rawrimadinothor: And he succeeded!!

irondaddy: shut up thor

peterparkour: i’m gonna beat this mallet man’s ass

irondaddy: and u know me threatening to sue and thor delivering the guy a speech about honor

irondaddy: stephen pops out of nowhere and socks hammer in the nose

peterparkour: YES

greenandmean: Are you both in the office?

irondaddy: yeahhhhhhhhhhhh

irondaddy: this is not how i pictured my first day back to go

starspangledsteve: Bad news is that Stephen almost got his arm broken

rawrimadinothor: That could’ve been worse

irondaddy: yeah i could have dealt with my own shit myself!! that would have been terrible!!

greenandmean: Stephen just socked someone in the face for you and you’re acting petty about it?

irondaddy: that’s not what i was implying

peterparkour: imean it kind of is

irondaddy: excuse me kid

peterparkour: sorry sir

irondaddy: its just

irondaddy: ughh bruce just text me

 

—

 

science bros redux  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

wednesday, 11:07 PM

irondaddy: god just fucking christ why is stephen so badass and noble and shit

greenandmean: And you couldn’t say that to the main gc why

irondaddy: I can’t just swoon over a guy in front of my ex that i made out with and haven’t had a full conversation with since he ran away and left me in a frat house

greenandmean: That hurts to read

irondaddy: :^/

 

—

 

gucci slides sunday  
members:  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

wednesday, 11:25 PM

irondaddy: u didn’t have to do that asshole

wizardsonlyfools: You would have gotten your ass handed to you

irondaddy: if he even tried then thor would have beaten his ass first

irondaddy: plus i think u forget that i have a lawyer and millions of dollars to waste

wizardsonlyfools: Right

wizardsonlyfools: Well while you’re bitching about it, I have a spanish quiz

irondaddy: sorry

irondaddy: i didn’t mean to sound so stuck up

wizardsonlyfools: You’re fine

wizardsonlyfools: Take care of yourself, Tony

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

wednesday, 3:33 PM

mercwithamouth: you know i’ll totally beat up johnny hammer for u if u say to

irondaddy: why

mercwithamouth: read my username

irondaddy: oh

irondaddy: mercenary

irondaddy: nah he already got what he had coming

mercwithamouth: he called you a fairy that’s deserving of more than a broken nose

irondaddy: its fine

mercwithamouth: you know, a woman once told me:

mercwithamouth: speak up i cant hear ur with that pity dick in ur mouth

irondaddy:

mercwithamouth named the chat ‘pity dicks’

mercwithamouth: okay just please let me destroy his car

irondaddy: you’re really desperate for a hobby aren’t you

mercwithamouth: very

irondaddy: fine go ahead

irondaddy: but the moment u get caught i’m not a part of this

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
unknown user (???)

wednesday, 8:12 PM

??? added wintersmoulder to the chatroom

???: lets make a deal

???: i’ll stop texting u if you meet me at a party on friday night

wintersmoulder: yeah no

???: its at hydra in the same frat house as the last party u went to

???: u really think i’d try to hurt u in front of hundreds of people?

wintersmoulder: i wouldn’t put it past a pervert

???: i promise i won’t try anything

wintersmoulder: i doubt your logic

???: i’ll never text you again

???: fine

???: if you don’t then i’ll have to force you to

???: maybe i’ll start with that redhead dyke

wintersmoulder: don’t even start with that shit man

???: i’ll give you some time to think on it

???: or else i’m coming for your ass

 

—

 

thursday, 8:38 AM

wintersmoulder: what time is the party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry that i don’t reply to many comments u all leave,, anxiety and all that
> 
> but i promise i read every one and deadass it’s the highlight of my day when you guys compliment my work or make your own predictions for what’ll happen next, it makes me really proud and i feel like i’m not doing this all for nothing


	23. football games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quill gets sad but gets laid to make up for it. bucky tells the jojo siwa cult about his plans. natasha isn’t happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap is pretty filler i’m sorry for the disappointment:(
> 
> nationwide i want to die
> 
> next one will be better. i’m planning on making steve sad and bucky even sadder so we’ll see

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

thursday, 7:24 AM

irondaddy: so thor is there a football game tonight or is it tomorrow

rawrimadinothor: It’s tonight

rawrimadinothor: They switched the dates again :/

irondaddy: weak

greenandmean: I’m assuming that means that Hela and Loki are coming too

peterparkour: chaotic duo

rawrimadinothor: Hopefully all they’ll do is buy out the snack booth and stay on their phones

starspangledsteve: Remember the last game when they brought that megaphone

irondaddy: I DIED

irondaddy: “SO IT LOOKS LIKE MARVEL LOST BUT ITS A SAFE BET THAT ITS ALL /THOR ODINSON’S/ FAULT”

rawrimadinothor: Still traumatized 

greenandmean: You want me to bring you burger king after practice?

rawrimadinothor: YES PLEASE

rawrimadinothor: IM IN LOVE WITH YOU

starspangledsteve: Wow I feel like an old man watching a happy married couple 

irondaddy: :-(

peterparkour: whats it like to be happy and young

irondaddy: you’re the youngest person in junior year and you’re easily the happiest person i know

peterparkour: true i love my man

starspangledsteve: :’(

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

thursday, 9:30 AM

mercwithamouth: hey petey i’m stuck in ms mai’s class finishing the scottsboro boys packet will u help me:(((

peterparkour: sure i’m omw 

 

—

 

thursday, 9:46 AM

peterparkour: WADELTON YOU SLOOZY

mercwithamouth: i’m SORRY

peterparkour: NO YOURE NOT

mercwithamouth: THEY BELIEVED U

mercwithamouth: BESIDES NEGASONIC IS COMPLETELY HARMLESS SHE WONT DO AMYTHING EXCEPT TEASE ME ABOUT IT

peterparkour: BUT IF THEY DIDNT BELIEVE US THEN WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN CAUGHT MAKING OUT ON TOP OF A BUCKING D E S K

mercwithamouth: IT WAS HOT

peterparkour: YOU SLUT

mercwithamouth: YOU KNOW I CANT RESIST YOU ITS YOUR FAULT

peterparkour: USHSHHEHEJE

mercwithamouth: STILL YOUR FAULT

peterparkour: NO YOU STARTED IT

mercwithamouth: DID NOT

peterparkour: DID TOO

mercwithamouth: DID NOT

peterparkour: DID TO O

 

—

 

thursday, 10:07 AM

mercwithamouth: okay but do u wanna make out again

peterparkour: please

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

thursday, 11:22 AM

falconfratboy: That was the most painful hour of my life

falconfratboy: I wish all couples were as unproblematic as bruce and Thor

wintersmoulder: watching other relationships fall apart makes me feel better about myself

peterparkour: don’t be mean!! gamora and quill are just as valid as any other couple!!!!

wintersmoulder: i’ve never seen quill so depressed before

wintersmoulder: i’m shocked

katniss: well as much as i love watching peter and wade make heart eyes at each other all fucking day

peterparkour: gtg chicken

katniss: i think we need to start discussing our plans for the weekend;)))

wintersmoulder: oof i have plans tomorrow night

falconfratboy: My interest is peaked

wintersmoulder: its nothing

wintersmoulder: a family work party

nattytaffy: Yeah no 

nattytaffy: Just tell the truth I’m finding out eventually

peterparkour: tea

peterparkour: omg are u getting laid

katniss: PETER

wintersmoulder: >:((((((((((

wintersmoulder: m msmnsns uck fine but i hate u all:)))

wintersmoulder: (screenshotsx3.jpg)

wintersmoulder: look before u say anything i know what i’m doing

falconfratboy: Uh buck that’s pretty sus 

katniss: creep alert

nattytaffy: No.

wintersmoulder: you’re not my mom tasha

nattytaffy: This isn’t a game Bucky this guy is a fucking stalker and he wants to hurt you

falconfratboy: Yeah I’m with natasha on this one

wintersmoulder: well if i just go to the party for a few hours then he’ll leave me alone

wintersmoulder: and he won’t hurt u guys

wintersmoulder: what’s the worst that could happen ??? i see brock???? i think i’m mature enough to handle it at this point

peterparkour: bucky:/

nattytaffy: Fine.

nattytaffy: If you go to that party I am never talking to you again.

katniss: natasha

falconfratboy: Nat seriously

wintersmoulder: natty are u kidding me

nattytaffy: Not at all

nattytaffy: I’m not going to sit around and watch you act like an idiot until you end up getting hurt

nattytaffy: Go to the damn party if you want, see if I care

wintersmoulder: jesus fucking christ it’s almost as if i’m an adult who can make my own decisions 

peterparkour: bucky..

wintersmoulder: whatever

 

katniss: so uh peter and sam movie night at my house?? nat and buck can come too if they want

peterparkour: alright

falconfratboy: Sounds like a plan 

 

—

 

dirty gang  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Peter Quill (daddyquill)

thursday, 12:20 PM

toomuchscotty: so quill are u okay

daddyquill: why wouldn’t i be

daddyquill: ha

mercwithamouth: gam slapped you so hard florida became its own country

daddyquill: its cool

daddyquill: everything is so cool haha

mercwithamouth: i crave details

mrmischief: it’s the talk of the hall

mrmischief: you two got in a fight over priorities or something 

daddyquill: hahaaaaaaaaaassaaaaaassfduoidtfidgxjjgxvk bb. bbnklkyfulxgkckgkb

mrmischief: i’m suddenly glad to be single

mercwithamouth: i’m suddenly glad that i haven’t been with a woman in years

toomuchscotty: women are great i love my gf

daddyquill: UGUGGUUGUVVUIBBI

 

—

 

nationwide i want to die  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

thursday, 5:20 PM

peterparkour: you’re going to the party aren’t u

wintersmoulder: shhhhhhh

peterparkour: no ones listening:(

wintersmoulder: please don’t tell natasha 

wintersmoulder: she’ll hate me

peterparkour: she wasn’t actually serious about that was she

wintersmoulder: i don’t know

wintersmoulder: i just can’t risk losing her

wintersmoulder: that’s why i have to go

peterparkour: but how do you know that guy was even serious

wintersmoulder: he knew that i went to the same frat house on that night

wintersmoulder: that’s telling enough

peterparkour: just promise you’ll stay safe

peterparkour: we all care about you

peterparkour: natasha too

wintersmoulder: i will

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

thursday, 7:36 PM

falconfratboy: This game fucking sucks it’s freezing out

wintersmoulder: it feels great idk what you’re talking abt

katniss: everyone say it with me sam’s a pussy

wintersmoulder: sam’s a pussyyyyyyyy

peterparkour: sam is a p u s s y

falconfratboy: It’s been a while since you all did that i was starting to gain hope

nattytaffy: Can we talk about the cheerleaders for a second though 

falconfratboy: THOSE SKIRTS

peterparkour: my bisexuality is crying

falconfratboy: I want them to fire ME up you know what i’m sayin

wintersmoulder: UCK GROSS

nattytaffy: Why is Wanda Maximoff so fuckign pretty. Ugh

peterparkour: aaw don’t be jealous nat you’re very pretty 

nattytaffy: I’m not saying it in a jealous way, I’m saying it in a gay way

wintersmoulder: is it her or that yukio chick who’s the captain 

peterparkour: its wanda

peterparkour: yukio‘s more like her stand in

wintersmoulder: hm

falconfratboy: WJEHWUW THE FUCK INFSHIT

katniss: SAM I CANTMMMSNANANS

wintersmoulder: what’s up

falconfratboy: CLINT AND I WERE GOING TO THE BUILDING TO PISS BUT GUESS WHAT WE SEE

falconfratboy: QUILL AND GAMORA

falconfratboy: MAKING OUT IN THE HALL

katniss: AND GAMORA JUST GOES ‘do u mind? i’m trying to get laid here’ and this man’s expression 

peterparkour: ME ME ME

nattytaffy: Gouging my eyes out brb

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

thursday, 8:50 PM

peterparkour: tony where did u go??

starspangledsteve: I saw him running to the building with Stephen

greenandmean: Wow

peterparkour: do people normally run off to the building to make out during football games

greenandmean: Honestly yes

greenandmean: Steve are you gonna be my date for tonight

starspangledsteve: Absolutely 

starspangledsteve: Right until you ditch me to make out with your sweaty boyfriend when the game is over

greenandmean: Thanks glad to know we’re on the same page here

irondaddy: WE WERE NOT KISSING NOR HAVING SEX WE ALMOST GOT CAUGHT BY YEEZY CHIN OUTSIDE THE FIELD SO WE RAN

starspangledsteve: THEYRE 10-13

peterparkour: i have no idea what’s going on because i don’t understand sports

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know that recent chapters have kinda painted natasha as harsh and stuff but i never intended for her to be a bad person, she loves bucky and cares about him and that’s why she acts the way she does in this chapter and when she was talking to steve a few chapters back. plus she’s really protective of him ever since rumlow and she doesn’t want him to go through the same thing again.
> 
> but i pwomise that there’s a reason that i included this in the storyline, you’ll see
> 
> i’m gonna collapse and fall asleep thanks for reading:)


	24. boomboxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an unlikely friendship forms. stephen is a sucker for rom com clichès. bucky goes to a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys again i’m really sorry about how filler-y the last chapter was, i know a lot of you wanted ironstrange to kick off
> 
> but i guess this one will make up for it

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

friday, 2:22 PM

wintersmoulder added irondaddy to the chatroom

wintersmoulder: so

wintersmoulder: u and stephen huh

wintersmoulder: what did you do to him

irondaddy: ?

wintersmoulder: he’s grumpier than usual

wintersmoulder: and i heard from several eye witness accounts that you two snuck off during the game last night

irondaddy: we didn’t fuck or anything we just talked

wintersmoulder: tea

irondaddy: uhhh well we were hiding in the locker room from yeezy headass and he told me that if i liked steve then i should just go for it

wintersmoulder: what did you say

irondaddy: obviously i was mortified but like an idiot i froze up and was silent

wintersmoulder: do u even like steve tho

irondaddy: what no

wintersmoulder: look dude i’m not mad at you

irondaddy: i don’t like steve

irondaddy: i swear

wintersmoulder: i won’t care if u did

irondaddy: i don’t

irondaddy: i think it’s just because that week i had to deal with that shit with my dad so i was like? looking for comfort or something

irondaddy: we broke up, and we’re all friends

irondaddy: bucky i’m so sorry

wintersmoulder: for what

irondaddy: i ruined you and steve’s relationship

wintersmoulder: no you didn’t

irondaddy: i fucked everything up

wintersmoulder: i doubt it wouldve worked out anyways

irondaddy: no you two are great together

irondaddy: i’m really sorry

wintersmoulder: its okay tony

wintersmoulder: its not too late for me and steve and it’s not too late for you and stephen either

irondaddy: wym

wintersmoulder: he fucking likes you man

wintersmoulder: like a lot

irondaddy: oh

irondaddy: steve loves you a lot too

irondaddy: i’ve never seen him so depressed

wintersmoulder: weak

irondaddy: and he beat up johnny hammer last night before the game and lied about it but i know it was him

wintersmoulder: that guy is an asshole i’m glad steve did that

irondaddy: yeah

wintersmoulder: i’m glad you’re ok tony

wintersmoulder: i’m sorry i’ve been an asshole to you since last year

irondaddy: i’m sorry for being an even bigger asshole

irondaddy: especially when u came back to school

wintersmoulder: its cool

wintersmoulder: what are you gonna do about stephen

irondaddy: i don’t know actually

wintersmoulder: lol i thought u were supposed to be a genius or something??

irondaddy: u suck barnes i’m bad at relationships

wintersmoulder: god same

wintersmoulder: i’ll help u figure it out

wintersmoulder: one train wreck to another

irondaddy: really

wintersmoulder: want to meet me outside in the courtyard after school

irondaddy: sure dude

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 3:45 PM

falconfratboy: Dang since when were bucky and stark so close

katniss: no idea

katniss: but i’m watching from behind a bush and i can’t stop smiling

 

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

friday, 7:39 PM

rawrimadinothor: Man of iron wishes to temporarily join our chat

mrmischief: go ahead he’s hot

helayeahman: ^^what the fuck

rawrimadinothor added irondaddy to the chat

irondaddy: HELP DO YOU ALL HAVE A FUNCTIONING BOOMBOX

greenandmean: ...Why????

irondaddy: I NEED IT

helayeahman: yeah in our garage i think

helayeahman: rat boy can get it

mrmischief: i’m in the middle of eating pizza rolls bitch

helayeahman: pizza rat

rawrimadinothor: I’ll get it

irondaddy: GOOD BECAUSE IM OUTSIDE

irondaddy: I NEED IT NOW

mrmischief: who the hell uses boomboxes anymore

helayeahman: maybe desperate high school boys trying to woo someone

greenandmean: Well now we know what it’s for

 

—

 

just pals being bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

friday, 8:04 PM

irondaddy: HEY STEEB

starspangledsteve: Oh uh hi Tony!!

starspangledsteve: Whats up

irondaddy: I NEED THAT ONE CASSETTE YOU HVAE FOR YOUR WALKMAN

starspangledsteve: Sure

starspangledsteve: Right now??

irondaddy: R I G H T N O W

starspangledsteve: Okay come pick it up

starspangledsteve: What’s this for if you don’t mind me asking

irondaddy: YOU KNOW HOW STEPHEN REALLY LIKES THE MOVIE ‘SAY ANYTHING’

starspangledsteve: Ohhhhhh

starspangledsteve: Oh my god

irondaddy: IM OUTSIDE

 

—

 

gucci slides sunday  
members:  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

friday, 8:30 PM

irondaddy: look outside

wizardsonlyfools: Oh my fucking god Tony

wizardsonlyfools: Are you seriously playing In Your Eyes

irondaddy: yep

wizardsonlyfools: You hate this song

irondaddy: but you love this song

wizardsonlyfools: Jesus Christ

wizardsonlyfools: Hang on I’m coming downstairs

irondaddy: :)

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 10:51 PM

katniss: we need movie suggestions

wintersmoulder: what have u watched already

falconfratboy: say anything

peterparkour: the entire insidious franchise

wintersmoulder: lmao u watched say anything

wintersmoulder: how fitting

nattytaffy: Watch the Emoji movie

peterparkour: disgusting let’s do it

wintersmoulder: and i just fixed tony and stephen’s relationship btw they’re probably kissing under the moonlight as we speak

peterparkour: its a new moon today

wintersmoulder: not the point

katniss: how’d u manage to do that

wintersmoulder: idk but i guess me and stark are bros now which is cool

wintersmoulder: we founded the relationship rookies cult anyone can join as long as they tell us a bad relationship story

falconfratboy: I have so many of those

katniss: the saddest part is that peter is so desperate to watch the emoji movie that i bought the damn thing on hulu for 13 dollars

peterparkour: for the m e m e s

wintersmoulder: yikes

wintersmoulder: well i gotta blast my mom wants me to pass her the remote 2 feet away from her again

 

—

 

nationwide i want to die  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

friday, 10:58 PM

peterparkour: pants on fire

wintersmoulder: shaddup

 

—

 

Call Transcript

Bucky Barnes -> Steve Rogers

saturday, 12:35 AM

(sobbing) “Steve, I need— _please_ , come quick!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeesh bucky way to leave a cliffhanger


	25. cecily smith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> natasha gets a phone call. bucky’s mom is iconic. steve wants payback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the person who calls natasha is named after the song cecily smith by will connolly:) it’s so cute i love it a lot
> 
> also!! i forgot to mention that in the next chapter we’ll find out who it was that was texting bucky. completely forgot to include it here but hopefully you won’t be disappointed.

—

 

Call Transcript 

Bucky Barnes -> Steve Rogers

saturday, 12:35 AM

(sobbing) “Steve, I need—please, come quick!”

“W—Bucky, hey, what’s up?”

“Steve, I-I dun’ feel good, I need help.”

“Wait, what happened? What’s wrong?”

“I think I drank somethin’ bad, I dunno, I just can’t get up and my head hurts an’ I...I can’t feel—I can’t feel my legs! Stevie, please, I cant tell Natty, I ca—“

“Where are you, Buck?”

“In the...I-don’t remember, I’m in a...a bathroom?

“Are you at a party? A club?”

“I can’t think.”

“I need you to try. So I can find you.”

“... I think it’s at a house. Party. (hiccup) Oh, it’s at the...uh, frat house, I think. The s-same one where...”

“O-Okay, I’m coming.”

(slurred) “Steve, I, uhm. I’m...sorry?”

“It’s okay, Bucky. Just try to stay awake, can you do that?”

“Y-Yeah. Mah’ phone’s outta battery, I gotta hang up...”

“Alright. It’ll be there in 5 minutes, just make sure the door is locked, and don’t move.”

“Oka—“

-end call-

 

—

 

nationwide i want to die  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

friday, 11:38 PM

peterparkour: remember to text me when u get home:-)

 

—

 

saturday, 2:05 AM

peterparkour: hey u got home safe right??

 

—

 

call transcript 

Tradition Memorial Hospital -> Natasha Romanov

saturday, 1:47 AM

“Hello?”

“Hello, I apologize for the late hour. Is this Natasha Romanov?”

“May I ask who this is?”

“My name is Cecily Smith with Tradition hospital, and I’m calling on behalf of James Barnes. We request that you come down as you are the third person in his emergency contacts, while his parents aren’t answering their cells most likely because of the hour.”

“...”

“Ma’am? Are you able to come down?”

“I—Yes, I can. I’ll be there in a moment. May I ask what happened?”

“I’m sorry. We’re obligated to wait until emergency contacts arrive to inform them.”

“Is he alive?”

“Yes, ma’am. He’s still with us.”

“I’m coming right now.”

-end call-

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

saturday, 2:17 AM

nattytaffy: Steve what the hell happened

starspangledsteve: How did what happen

nattytaffy: Don’t play dumb Steve you’re a grown ass man

starspangledsteve: No I mean what do you want to know

nattytaffy: Why the nurse is telling me there’s  
Rohypnol in his system and that a ‘young musular man with blonde hair dropped him off and is being treated for minor injuries in the first aid clinic’

starspangledsteve: He called me from a party locked in a bathroom and covered in his own vomit

starspangledsteve: So I took him here

starspangledsteve: And beat a guy up

starspangledsteve: where are you then

nattytaffy: Filling out his insurance paperwork

starspangledsteve: And I just called clint and sam they’re on their way, Peter was dead asleep so they didn’t want to wake him up

nattytaffy: Thank you, Steve

nattytaffy: I don’t know what I would have done if something bad happened to Bucky

starspangledsteve: it’s nothing

nattytaffy: I’m sorry.

starspangledsteve: You have nothing to apologize about

starspangledsteve: Just hurry filling his stuff out so we can talk in the waiting room

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 7:45 AM

falconfratboy: I’m swinging back to clint’s place to pick up peter does bucky need me to get him anything

nattytaffy: No he should be fine

nattytaffy: His parents are here, they showed up a few minutes ago

katniss: i love bucky’s mom so much she just asked him if he was safe and reminded him that she put condoms in his wallet

falconfratboy: I can’t with this woman

katniss: so is anyone else confused as to why steve and bucky won’t look eachother in the eyes

falconfratboy: I assumed it was just post break up stuff but the fact that buck called him last night says otherwise 

katniss: wow

nattytaffy: When I first got here Bucky was awake and him and Steve were talking if that means anything

falconfratboy: Well yeah of course it does

katniss: i’m asking steve about it hang on

peterparkour: yo when i woke up alone i was so confused 

falconfratboy: That sounds like one of my one night stands

peterparkour: rip 

peterparkour: i want mcdonald’s

falconfratboy: Alright fine who else wants mc d’s

katniss: get the usual

falconfratboy: So 5 big breakfasts 4 chicken biscuits and 10 hash browns

nattytaffy: Make that 11 hash browns

nattytaffy: And take it to Bucky’s house he’s about to be released in a few

katniss: yot

katniss: also.i asked steve about him and bucky and he just shrugged and said that he was just doing what any friend would do

katniss: but he was also staring at bucky’s room longingly so i call homo

 

—

 

BOOM BITCH GET OUT THE WAY  
members:  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

saturday, 9:20 AM

nattytaffy: I’m not mad at you Bucky

nattytaffy: I’m just sorry for being an immature dick

wintersmoulder: its okay tasha

wintersmoulder: i’m sorry for being an irresponsible kid

nattytaffy: I guess we’re both just dumb and stupid then

wintersmoulder: yeah:)

wintersmoulder: i love you tasha

nattytaffy: I love you too James

 

—

 

saturday, 10:24 AM

wintersmoulder: my head hurts like a bitch but whatever

nattytaffy: Just ask for ibuprofen like a normal person 

peterparkour: i’ll get it 

peterparkour: wow bucky’s parents are so cool

falconfratboy: Sometimes I forget that the cause of his mental issues isn’t because of his parents

wintersmoulder: me too tbh

katniss: ?????? where is steve going? 

wintersmoulder: oh hah yeah he said he was gonna go to the hydra university to beat up that guy

wintersmoulder: idk how he figured it out but whatever

nattytaffy: He already beat up that guy last night

wintersmoulder: yeah but i think he’s gonna like kill him this time lol

katniss: good times

katniss: so what’s the deal with you and steve

peterparkour: clint,,

katniss: what it’s a simple question 

wintersmoulder: i wish i could remember clint

katniss: what parts do you remember tho

wintersmoulder: something about.a cliff but i think that was a dream

wintersmoulder: and bathtubs

wintersmoulder: and then not being able to walk so steve had to drag me out but that’s about it

katniss: whack

falconfratboy: Clint

falconfratboy: Bucky was literally going to be date raped

wintersmoulder: nah i’d rather u all not treat it like some big tragedy or ill just feel weird

falconfratboy: Alr never mind then

wintersmoulder: have u guys heard anything from tony and stephen

peterparkour: i heard the news from tony last night

wintersmoulder: i’m a miracle worker what can i say

 

—

 

bird bros  
members:  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

saturday, 10:20 AM

katniss: i’m honestly just waiting for these idiots to realize they’re still in love with each other

falconfratboy: Same

 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment what u want to see next :))))))) other than a stucky reunion of course


	26. chris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thor and steve team up to kick ass (even though there’s no actual ass kicking in this chapter).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap fucken sucks balls it’s so lame and lazy i’m sorry

—

 

pansexual and bisexual solidarity  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

saturday, 12:09 PM

starspangledsteve: Are you bored

rawrimadinothor: Well Loki is forcing me to make him 50 pizza rolls so I’d appreciate an excuse to get away

starspangledsteve: Do you want to hunt down a guy who verbally harassed Bucky over text and then drugged him with the attempt to rape him at a party

rawrimadinothor: Hell yeah

rawrimadinothor: How old

starspangledsteve: College guy I’m assuming but we’ll find out

starspangledsteve: He should have a bright purple bruise on his face

rawrimadinothor: Roger that ;)

starspangledsteve: Never say that again

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:   
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 1:29 PM

starspangledsteve: Hello minecraft dancers we need some help tracking someone down

greenandmean: Who’s ‘we’

rawrimadinothor: THT WOULD BE ME

starspangledsteve: So these are the screenshots of this guy that was harassing Bucky then proceeded to drug him at a party after threatening to hurt Natasha

starspangledsteve: (screenshotsx3.png)

irondaddy: well shit

greenandmean: What do you all need help with

peterparkour: rt

rawrimadinothor: We have been debating in a car whether or not the perpetrator goes to college or not!!

peterparkour: well he says he knows brock and brock goes to hydra

irondaddy: it could be a lie to get into bucky’s pants

starspangledsteve: That’s what we thought too

greenandmean: Then the fact that it’s a college frat house party that he wants to meet Barnes in

peterparkour: a party in hydra university 

greenandmean: Precisely

greenandmean: I mean, I could easily find the IP address but I’d need Bucky’s phone

irondaddy: shit yeah

irondaddy: that’ll solve all your problems

starspangledsteve: We’ll save that as a last resort

starspangledsteve: I’m still convinced that ??? happens to know Brock and this is all a ploy to hurt Bucky

rawrimadinothor: Then what are we waiting for

rawrimadinothor: Let’s go to Hydra and find this asshole

starspangledsteve: Thank you guys

irondaddy: np remember to collect tea and report back xo

 

—

 

saturday, 2:08 PM

peterparkour: i have new entail from bucky, ??? in fact has a dorm on the hydra campus

starspangledsteve: So we’ve learned

starspangledsteve: Also apparently Thor and I look like grown men because we just snuck into a bar 

irondaddy: its the muscles 

peterparkour: and thunder man’s beard

irondaddy: yeah why don’t you shave

irondaddy: not that it’s not an instant turn on or anything but

rawrimadinothor: Bruce likes beard burn

peterparkour: I SPST OUT MY DRINKBTF

irondaddy: damn

rawrimadinothor: Steven I just found a girl who apparently knows who he is

rawrimadinothor: But she said she won’t tell me his name unless I have sex with her so naturally I sent her a picture of Sam and she said she’d take him instead 

starspangledsteve: Oh my fucking god

irondaddy: LMAO

peterparkour: i call dibs on telling him

starspangledsteve: Go ahead I’m about to cry

rawrimadinothor: Send him this picture

rawrimadinothor: (selfie.png)

irondaddy: MY WIG

peterparkour: wow she looks like the type of girl to have sex with sam

irondaddy: SCREEEEEEEEGEHEHEHHEHHABAHWHJWKWKKWKWKWWKWNSNSNNSNS

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 2:16 PM

peterparkour: SAMUEL

peterparkour: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET L A I D

falconfratboy: That sounds great actually

katniss: i’m intrigued by that statement are you about to fuck sam

peterparkour: no it’s in exchange for information

peterparkour: here’s the girl

peterparkour: (selfie.png)

falconfratboy: Well sure 

peterparkour: just message thor for her address and stuff ig i just wanted to tell u for the #sport

falconfratboy: Gotta blast you guys save me some weed brownies

nattytaffy: Use protection

 

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

saturday, 2:52 PM

rawrimadinothor: Would anyone like to watch a video of me and Stephen listening to Sam and a college girl have loud sex in the next room :D

mrmischief: very

wizardsonlyfools: ??????

rawrimadinothor: (moaning.mov)

wintersmoulder: WHAT THE FUCKJDBE

wintersmoulder: I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRACKING DOWN MY POTENTIAL RAPIST 

starspangledsteve: I thought we were too but now I’m in trailer trash apartment covering my ears and watching Toy Story 3 

starspangledsteve: oh my GOD it smells like fucking sex in here

mercwithamouth: never took you for the prude type rogers

starspangledsteve: Please I come 3 men before noon

wintersmoulder: been there, done that, got the promotion

starspangledsteve: And you people want equality 

rawrimadinothor: I think they’re done Steve

starspangledsteve: God I hope so

falconfratboy: Y’all can come in now even tho we’re naked but whatever

katniss: IM CRYINGBEJEJ

 

—

 

saturday, 3:20 PM

starspangledsteve: I can’t believe I just sat through that

falconfratboy: Just Imagine what it was like having sex with her, steve

irondaddy: was it that bad

rawrimadinothor: We gained information however!!

greenandmean: There are easier ways to do that

wintersmoulder: well what is it i’m on the edge of my seat here

wintersmoulder: u can say it on this chat idc

starspangledsteve: His name is Baron Zemo apparently

nattytaffy: I recognize that name

wizardsonlyfools: That’s because he used to go to our school

wizardsonlyfools: He graduated two years ago

katniss: so did rumlow but shushenenen

falconfratboy: I’m pretty sure I got an STD just from kissing her

katniss: who’s the slut now

starspangledsteve: Sorry

falconfratboy: It’s okay it cured my blue balls

peterparkour: BLEGH

rawrimadinothor: She had smoker breath

starspangledsteve: And we still have no idea where he lives

wintersmoulder: north building

katniss: come again

irondaddy: (youseethisshitapplejack.png)

wintersmoulder: i dont know

wintersmoulder: i jus got like. flashbacks my me man

rawrimadinothor: How handy

starspangledsteve: Hang on we still don’t know exactly what floor or room

wizardsonlyfools: I hate to say it, but your best bet is just camping out until classes end and Baron goes to his dorm

rawrimadinothor: :(

mercwithamouth: this tea is scalding

mercwithamouth: honestly thor and steve if you need help hiding the body let me know i got u covered

starspangledsteve: Not necessary but thank you Wade

falconfratboy: God bucky’s mom is gonna get a kick out of this

 

—

 

saturday, 3:50 PM

rawrimadinothor: BARON JUST WALKED INSIDE BUT WE COULDNT DO IT

wintersmoulder: WHY NOT

rawrimadinothor: HE WAS WITH LIKE 5 OTHER PEOPLE INCLUDINH BROC KF DEUMLNDNDNDNFNN 

starspangledsteve: Nothing to worry about Bucky we’ll get him in a minute

wintersmoulder: ok lol

 

—

 

super mario bros  
members:  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

saturday, 4:19 PM

wintersmoulder: is it a bad time to mention that i think baron is one of the guys who threw me off the bridge that one time hahahah

katniss: ..bucky

 

—

 

pansexual and bisexual solidarity  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

saturday, 4:31 PM

rawrimadinothor: So I asked my future husband to find a floor map of the north dorm building from Hela’s ex boyfriend’s computer that she stole

starspangledsteve: What’d Bruce say

rawrimadinothor: (address pinned)

rawrimadinothor: WE GOT EM

starspangledsteve: LETsGET THIS BREAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tune in next time to see if chris squared gets their asses kicked


	27. phat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ??? returns. natasha gets mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much plot i’m gonna cry and hope it makes up for the late chapter

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
unknown user (???)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

saturday, 4:50 PM

???: really baby? sending your knight in shining armor plus thor odinson to fight for you?

???: that’s the lowest a slut can go

wintersmoulder: ?????????

???: don’t play dumb babygirl

???: and i thought i told you to keep your hair short

???: what’s wrong

???: i really thought that if i let baron take a turn on you at the party you wouldn’t bother with all this shit on a stranger

???: you’re just as hot-headed as when i met you

???: even if you think you’re all that because you have some bitches to do your beck and call

wintersmoulder: rumlow i’m going to fucking kill you

???: seriously james

wintersmoulder: my name is bucky

wintersmoulder: only people i care about call me james 

???: you’re so immature

wintersmoulder: at least i grew up

wintersmoulder: doesn’t seem like u did

???: no one will ever love you like i love you

???: not even that dumb little rogers kid

???: he’s still the same skinny steve that got his ass kicked every day

wintersmoulder: and i told you to leave him alone

???: yep

???: i wish i killed you that night

???: but it looks like you were going to do that all by yourself 

wintersmoulder: you know that’s not what happened

???: you don’t have any proof that baron and his minions threw you off

wintersmoulder: i have all the proof in my phone right now, fucker

???: who are you going to tell? the police? fury? 

???: i’m an adult sweetheart

???: they won’t believe you over something that happened years ago

wintersmoulder: never text me again

wintersmoulder: Rumlow, this is Natasha Romanov. If you ever try to contact him again I promise you’ll regret it.

wintersmoulder: This isn’t a fucking game and he doesn’t belong to you.

???: what would a little russy dyke do 

wintersmoulder: You’re going to be sorry in about 10 minutes. I know where you live, dickhead.

 

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

saturday, 5:04 PM

starspangledsteve: (bruisedknuckles.png)

mercwithamouth: aw you and thor are matching

starspangledsteve: I’m so fucking done

rawrimadinothor: Steven’s quite heated right now however we in fact beat the shit out of Baron

irondaddy: oh my god

nattytaffy: Both of you come to Bucky’s house right now so we can talk

nattytaffy: I know its for the same reason steve is mad

peterparkour: oh 

nattytaffy: In fact, I need Wade to come too

mercwithamouth: should i bring my spiked brass knuckles or is that overkill

peterparkour: definitely overkill

katniss: natty where are we even going

nattytaffy: We’re smoking this bitch out

wintersmoulder: apparently 

nattytaffy: You don’t have a decision in this

starspangledsteve: Coming rn

 

—

 

BOOM BITCH GET OUT THE WAY  
members:  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

saturday, 6:29 PM

wintersmoulder: you all didn’t have the fucking right to do that

nattytaffy: What the fuck is your damage, Bucky

nattytaffy: He hurt you and we were hurting him

wintersmoulder: this isn’t the right way to do it

nattytaffy: You’re the one who tried to fucking protect that asshole 

nattytaffy: Who the hell tries to protect someone who made you want to kill yourself for years

wintersmoulder: i’m not sinking as low as they are

nattytaffy: Wade could have killed you when you pulled that shit

wintersmoulder: i wish he fucking did bitch

nattytaffy: This isn’t some dumb fairytale where the bad guy gets banished to hell and everyone lives happily ever after dumbass

nattytaffy: This is real life

wintersmoulder: real life comes with fucking responsibility and sacrifices so if you can’t understand that then don’t bother

nattytaffy: Just let me do this for you, Bucky

wintersmoulder: let me handle this tasha

wintersmoulder: it doesn’t always have to end in a fist fight

wintersmoulder: i’m not a little kid anymore i’m so tired of fighting

nattytaffy: You’re so dense

wintersmoulder: you just tried to murder someone

nattytaffy: He just framed and sent the person who threw you off a bridge to sexually assault you at a party

wintersmoulder: :/

nattytaffy: Fair enough

wintersmoulder: please

nattytaffy: Okay. I’ll leave Rumlow alone

nattytaffy: As long as you tell me if he ever tries anything again, which is a given

wintersmoulder: done

nattytaffy: Promise me you’ll never ever try to meet him or talk to him again

wintersmoulder: i pwetty pwomise 

wintersmoulder: so we know that baron is an asshole but he got what he had coming already

nattytaffy: Yeah

wintersmoulder: i don’t want to worry about him anymore

wintersmoulder: i almost feel safer knowing it’s brock behind everything 

nattytaffy: Me too

nattytaffy: I love you Bucky

wintersmoulder: i love u too tasha

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

saturday, 11:51 PM

mercwithamouth: srry i almost killed u earlier

mercwithamouth: i punch really hard 

wintersmoulder: ur good, wade

mercwithamouth: also i have no idea who this guy is but i’m assuming you have some tragic past with him so tea?

wintersmoulder: its nothing

mercwithamouth: odd flex but okay

wintersmoulder: sorry i just don’t feel like talking about it

mercwithamouth: got it

wintersmoulder: how’s peter 

mercwithamouth: he’s dressing my stab wounds but i think he’s chill

wintersmoulder: wade what do you do when you’re madly in love with someone but you’re kind of sort of broken up but they also kissed you while you were sick from date rape drugs in a hospital bed

wintersmoulder: hypothetically speaking

mercwithamouth: id question my life decisions first off

mercwithamouth: but like i would also man up and go for it as cliche and shitty as that is

wintersmoulder: is that what you did with peter

mercwithamouth: yeah besides the date rape and hospitals actually

wintersmoulder: ha

wintersmoulder: ha

wintersmoulder: i think i have a big phat crush on steve rogers

mercwithamouth: yeah no shit

 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone wants sam to get a love interest so who should it be? for the most part i have no preference if it’s a boy or a girl but as long as it makes sense, y’know 
> 
> hmu if u have ideas for skate fast in general as well
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT :so i know that this chapter was really confusing to read (mostly because you all told me so and my sister keeps asking what’s happening) and i’m like. really sowwy? i promise it’ll be explained in the next chapter but i hope u guys aren’t totally lost because i worked really hard on this arc and i really didn’t execute it clearly. so i’ll hopefully make it clear and have it uploaded soon, for now just hang in there and try to figure it out


	28. call transcript

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steve tells tony what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update is actually a little bit different!! it’s one call transcript that’s about 1.7k words of steve basically breaking down everything from the last few chapters. hopefully this’ll clear up the air about what happened?
> 
> just consider this a bonus chapter if anything it’s really not that important to the plot except for a few details but uehehshshsb you can read this for a recap
> 
> i hope you all like it. it took me an hour to write uwu and i decided that it might be handy to set the scene

—

 

Call Transcript

Tony Stark -> Steve Rogers

sunday, 1:20 AM

“What’s up, Tones?”

“Hey, Capsicle, I’m sorry for calling so late but it’s the only time I could get away from Howard and I, like, really wanna know what all that was about today.”

“T—Tony, my mom is sleeping.”

“Then call me under the blanket or something, dude.”

(grumbling and muffling) “Okay, what...” (yawn) “what do you want to know?”

“Why you all were so mad. And Natasha was gonna have you all jump someone.”

“Ah, so...fuck, okay, so...you remember that guy Brock Rumlow? He’d always beat my ass in freshman year.”

“Uh, oh yeah, I do. He graduated 2 years ago, right?”

“Yeah. Just know that he’s Bucky’s very very shitty ex.”

“That’s a pair I didn’t see coming from a mile away.”

“Exactly why he’s a bad ex. Anyways, a few days or a week ago Bucky got, like, hit up by an unknown user, and by the way, why the hell do those even exist?”

“God I hate those. One time I got an anonymous text from an unknown user telling me that I had a million dollar fortune in Taiwan and that I had to send a nude to claim i—“

”Tony.”

”Shit, sorry. Go on.”

“So the guy says all this creepy shit. I sent you the screenshots, remember?”

“Yeah.”

“And Bucky keeps telling him to stop and leave him alone, understandably. But the guy keeps doing it. Then he says that if Bucky meets him at a party on Friday night, he’ll leave him alone. And you know Bucky. He’s constantly trying to see the good in people, and later he told me, ‘oh yeah, i just thought that this guy was lonely and awkward’ and he would stop after Bucky kissed him or something.”

“Uck, gross.”

“I know! But guess what happens, at like 1 AM I get a call from Bucky. He’s crying and sounds really tired and slurred and kept on saying that he couldn’t feel his legs and he couldn’t think.”

“No fucking way, did he get _spiked ?”_

“Exactly what I was thinking. I, uh... yeah, he told me where he was and I went to get him, and when I got to the frat house, this guy was trying to open the bathroom door and keeps telling Bucky to let him in or else he’d kill him. I start yelling at him. Keep in mind, never seen this man in my life, and I punch him so hard that he passes out on the floor.”

“How old was he?”

“Young. Early twenties, but still way too old to be trying to fuck a high schooler.”

“Right.”

“I get Bucky to unlock the door, or, actually, I bash the door handle in with a chair cos’ Buck couldn’t get up. I get in and then he’s sitting in the bathtub crying and his shirt covered in vomit, he thinks I’m about to hurt him but realizes it’s me after a while. I carried him out and took him to the hospital all while he’s hysterical and can’t form a coherent sentence.”

“So _was_ he spiked?”

“Rohypnol.”

“Shit.”

“And—it was morning and I was real tired, and Natasha left the room for a minute to talk to the nurse. I was alone with him...”

“Please don’t tell me you did it.”

“I won’t tell you then.”

“Steven Grant Rogers, you dog! You kissed him?”

“It’s not that big of a deal! We’ve kissed before!”

“Not—Not when you were broken up! Are you even...?”

“I don’t know anymore.”

“Well, did he kiss back?”

“Yes, Tony, he kissed back.”

“With vomit breath?”

“No, they brushed his teeth. It was actually...it was nice. I don’t know. Can I go on with the rest of the story?”

“I don’t know how any of this applies to what happened earlier today.”

“It does. Trust me.”

“Fine, then. Go on.”

(yawn) “Bucky’s parents get there, he gets cleared to go home and the nurse gives him some pain meds, nothing too bad. I was gonna go home but Clint and Sam were pretty adamant about me going with them because apparently Bucky needed me for comfort.

“But I was still pissed off. I wanted to kill this guy, because Buck deserves so much more than this shit and I wanted for him to get payback. Me and Thor went to the campus and found this chick that was the one who threw the party in the first place. She wanted to have sex with Thor for info but we called up Sam and he fucked her instead.”

“Oh. My. God.”

“It was scary and disgusting. We found out the guy’s name, Baron Zemo—and he used to go to our school, too. He’s one of the guys who...who did that to Bucky’s arm.”

“Nooooooo.”

“Yes.”

“Then what happened?”

“Me and Thor jump him. He asks who the fuck we are, then he sees that I’m the one who knocked him out cold last night and goes fucking crazy. I tell him to never text Bucky again, and he has no fucking idea what I’m talking about. I tell him that he’s always harassing Bucky over text and he says that it wasn’t him, it was Rumlow the entire. Fucking. Time.”

(loud gasp, followed by muffled screeching) “Oh my fucking god, are you fucking kidding me?”

“I still beat the shit out of him because he drugged Buck, though.”

“Good, you should have. Jesus, what is this world.”

“At this point I’m angry. Thor doesn’t get it, doesn’t know who Rumlow is. Then Natasha tells us all to go to Bucky’s house, plus Wade, so I know that we were about to throw down on someone so I was hyped. Apparently Brock Rumlow saw us beating up Zemo, because he tells Bucky that he sent his ‘knight in shining armor’ to do the work for him.”

“Uh huh.”

“And he also tells him that he told Zemo that he could get a turn on Bucky at the party, and that he wished he killed Bucky and threatens him. I almost started crying when I saw it, Tony. Then we all go to Brock’s dorm and he’s already waiting outside for us, no backup at all, like he doesn’t expect us to actually do anything.”

“What? Why? Didn’t he see you all beat up Zemo?”

“Yeah. But you’ll see why. We start talking. He starts addressing me, telling me that I’ll regret ever wanting to deal with a bitchy little slut like Bucky. He tells me that I could find someone better and that Bucky will only hold me back, while Bucky is standing there and watching it. Called Wade out for being a burn victim. Ah-Also, by the way, Bucky _never_ wanted to go meet Brock in the first place. Natasha made him. She wanted to kill Rumlow, for real.”

“What an asshole. Brock, I mean. I’d want to kill him too. The guy wears pleather.”

“Then he tells Bucky that he loves him. That was the last straw. Natasha punches him in the nose so hard there’s a crack, like, as soon as I heard it I thought a plate or something broke but his nose was so bloody it looked like he died.

“Immediately, everyone starts ganging up on him. I think Wade got, like, shoved into a thorn-bush or Brock had a knife because afterwards he had huge slashes down his leg. It was really bad. Thor twists Rumlow’s arm behind his back and, like, holds him in place for Wade, and me and Sam are holding Natasha back because she’s fucking _screaming_ and crying and looks like she’s about to kill him. Clint was standing next to Bucky the entire time while he was staring without saying anything. He was mute, and that was honestly the scariest thing about the entire shitty situation.

“Wade draws back his elbow and is about to punch Rumlow—keep in mind, Wade is a fucking dangerous dude. He can punch harder than me or Thor can.”

“We been knew, but okay.”

“Then, I look at Clint, and he—he’s standing alone, running towards something and yelling. It’s silent for a second, Natasha stops thrashing around, Wade stops moving. Then I look ahead. Bucky is standing in front of Brock with his arms out, about to take the punch for him—Wade stops his fist right in front of Bucky’s face, and Rumlow starts laughing.

“Bucky starts crying and looking down and I think...I think he was ashamed of himself? Fuck, he was. He was mad at himself. He tells us to drop it and he’ll never talk to us again if we hurt Rumlow, who’s standing there silently and grinning like he expected it the entire time. Thor took me home and I haven’t heard anything since.”

“Steve, this is serious! You could have died, what the fuck was up with Bucky?! Why did he try to protect Rumlow?”

“I don’t know. I just...”

“You just what?”

“I’m just scared.” (deep breath) “I don’t know what to do, I just want to protect Bucky but I don’t know if he wants me to. I want to be there for him! I want to love him and teach him that he deserves better, even if it’s something I can’t give, and I want him to be happy! I want Natasha to not have to worry about him anymore. I want him to stop getting nightmares and disappearing during the day. I just want him.”

“Steve—“

“Tony, I’m sorry for leaving last year. I should have been here, and if I were, maybe Bucky wouldn’t have gone through this stuff alone.”

“Steve, stop interrupting me. First off, who said it was too late? He’s in love with you.”

“So?”

“If it’s not too late for me and Stephen, it’s not too late for you and Bucky. Do you know who it was who told me that?”

“Who?”

“Bucky did. Right now, right now seems like the endgame, but it’s a rough patch. It’ll get better, just like how it got better after Rhodey broke his elbow and was depressed for months.”

“Tony—“

“It’ll get better, like how Peter would constantly get bullied for being trans at his old school and he has friends now who accept him for who he is. Or like how Bucky came to school last year with a metal arm and no friends, and now he has a family and is the most popular person in school. Things get better.”

“Things also don’t work out.”

“You’re being narcissistic. Please, Stevie, just...don’t give up on him. He needs you, and you need him. I can’t tell you enough.”

“Okay, fine. I won’t give up.”

“You’re Steve fucking Rogers. And one day you will marry that emo shit and become Steve Barnes.”

(soft chuckle) “Okay, Tony.”

“Look! I made you laugh! Stevie, don’t worry. You’ll figure this out.”

“Thank you, Tones.”

“No problem, dork. Good luck with him.”

 

-end call-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for over 10k hits, 100 bookmarks, almost 400 comments and almost 800 kudos!!seriously this is the first fic i’ve ever really written and this is so much more support than i expected thank u :’)


	29. wizards of waverly place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki wants a sugar daddy. clint and sam totally aren’t gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all wanted more odinsons and for stephen to be in a gc,, here it is folks
> 
> a full chapter of random bantering

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

sunday, 10:51 AM

mrmischief: if me and barnes were to get in a knife fight

mrmischief: who would win

helayeahman: bucky would

rawrimadinothor: Bucky

greenandmean: Probably Barnes

mrmischief: fuck off

mrmischief: he has a fucking butter knife bitch? who r u gonna stab with that?? an elf??

helayeahman: why hasn’t he stabbed you yet then

mrmischief: FUCK YOU BITCH

rawrimadinothor: Bucky could stab me and I would thank him

greenandmean: Why

rawrimadinothor: He deserves to stab someone right now and if he feels better then I will certainly take that stab

greenandmean: Oh

greenandmean: Hey did Hela take my sweatshirt

helayeahman: it’s big and green and comfy you’re just a coward

rawrimadinothor: Watch it Hela >:( That’s my boyfriend

greenandmean: Its fine

greenandmean: Its not even my sweatshirt I stole it from you Thor

mrmischief: this fucking dog man

mrmischief: i’m gonna milk it

helayeahman: yikes it’s a boy

mrmischief: i meant kill****** my nails are so popping that i typed it wrong

mrmischief: has anyone seen my knife

greenandmean: You have 25

mrmischief: no i mean the paring knife

helayeahman: i used it to chop up a plastic bin i found

mrmischief: why bitch

helayeahman: i’m pmsing

greenandmean: Oh yeah I bought you 5 bars of dark chocolate

mrmischief: -1 because i just ate one sorry

rawrimadinothor: I forget that it’s not Hela that you’re dating it’s me

helayeahman: ..

helayeahman: r you sure you’re happy with thor because i will gladly wife u

rawrimadinothor: HES VERY HAPPY WITH ME AND WE LOVE EACH OTHER GO AWAY DEMON

greenandmean: I just bought you like 10 hash browns an hour ago babe I don’t know what you want?

mrmischief: i found a porn star who looks EXACTLY like bucky idk what to do anymore

rawrimadinothor: Omg whats his name

mrmischief: tayte hanson

mrmischief: hes fucking hot ????:)/$/$&/$/! :))))) but he looks like :)):):)/ bucky:))))

mrmischief: i just want a sugar daddy

helayeahman: slut

mrmischief: at least i’m not a college dropout bitch

rawrimadinothor: I hate this fucking family

mrmischief: i need. a sugar daddy

mrmischief: is that too much to ask

helayeahman: are tony the tiger and wizard headass together or smth

greenandmean: I’m assuming so

mrmischief: finally stephen womaned up and got that bread

greenandmean: I think Tony initiated it this time, actually

mrmischief: a miracle tbh

helayeahman: dope because i just saw them at target holding hands this morning

rawrimadinothor: YES

greenandmean: Cool

mrmischief: i need. a. sugar. f a t h e r

helayeahman: then a bitch better look for one

mrmischief: ironstrange is now ruled as lawful neutral but spideypool is chaotic neutral

mrmischief: thorbruce? lawful good

mrmischief: and stucky is chaotic good sorry i don’t make the rules

rawrimadinothor: Bucky would definitely throw Steven out a window if he got the chance

mrmischief: ‘what’s up kid i’m a brooklyn bitch’

helayeahman: when i was chopping up that bin with a paring knife, i found a box of sex toys in the garage

helayeahman: thor and bruce they’re all yours

greenandmean: ????IM

rawrimadinothor: Sister I will murder you

mrmischief: i think those are mine

greenandmean: WHY DO YOU OWN SEX TOYS

mrmischief: the aesthetic???? why else ????

helayeahman: where’s my dog

mrmischief: sleeping on my fucking bed

mrmischief: get this bitch off

helayeahman: gladly

greenandmean: Why do I live here

rawrimadinothor: You love us!!!

greenandmean: I just found another knife in your bed, Thor

rawrimadinothor: LOKI

mrmischief: my bad

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

sunday, 6:05 PM

katniss: fellas

katniss: is it gay to suck your homie’s dick

falconfratboy: Not if you say no homo

peterparkour: why am i getting flashbacks rn

wintersmoulder: i think it is

katniss: HA HA you’re GAY

katniss: would u fuck ur homie for 10k???

falconfratboy: Does a bear shit in the woods

peterparkour: i mean it’s not gay if it’s mutual and your eyes are closed

wintersmoulder: bitch i’d fuck my homie for free

wintersmoulder: that’s my homie

falconfratboy: Oh buck we all know that /you/ would

wintersmoulder: stop slut shaming me

nattytaffy: It’s not gay if you say no homosexual intentions

falconfratboy: I’m still pretty sure I have chlamydia from yesterday but it’s okay

wintersmoulder: things have been pretty rough around the office lately ever since my assistant left me for another assistant

katniss: HEY GAY BOY

wintersmoulder: what

falconfratboy: HOW’S GRI N D E R BEEN

nattytaffy: Bucky can fuck whoever the hell he wants as long as he doesn’t fuck Peter

peterparkour: i have a man:-))

wintersmoulder: i think i gave wade head in a stall last year

wintersmoulder: peter if you ever need advice on how to shut wade wilson up just stick ur dick in his mouth

wintersmoulder: only thing i’ve found that works

peterparkour: that sounds like a dream tbh

peterparkour: so my uncle really out here fucking my man

katniss: uncle buckkyyyyyyyyyy

wintersmoulder: also psa remember how ms purcell refuses to call me bucky and insists that ‘if your name is james i’m calling u james’

nattytaffy: Yes

falconfratboy: Mythic bitch alert

wintersmoulder: my mom is filing a complsint to my dude coulson (cowboy emoji)

falconfratboy: Did you seriously just type out ‘cowboy emoji’ in parentheses

wintersmoulder: life sucks losers dry, samuel

peterparkour: doesn’t your mom call u james bucky

wintersmoulder: yeah cos she says buck sounds like the name of a porn star

peterparkour: oh yeah uncle loki was telling me abt a gay pron star that looks exactly like bucky

katniss: who tayte hanson??

peterparkour: ..yeah i thnik so

katniss: i’m straight but he can bend me over

wintersmoulder: clint do we need to talk about something

katniss: gtg chicken

falconfratboy: GET BACK HERE

 

—

 

wizards of waverly place  
members:  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

sunday, 9:10 PM

wandawoman: So, stephen

wandawoman: You and stark

wizardsonlyfools: Why don’t you go finger Natasha Romanov and stop asking about me and tony

toomuchscotty: (itsfreerealestate.png)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember my instagram is @cryptic_potato :)


	30. minecrafters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clint accidentally yeets his hearing aid. peter has an all around shitty day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so clint in this au is mostly based off his character in the comics because the mcu did him wrong. let my man be deaf
> 
> also!! has anyone noticed that trans peter tag above?? well here is where it comes in!!!

—

 

wizards of waverly place  
members:  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

monday, 3:23 AM

toomuchscotty: y’all hope is wildin tonight

mrmischief: tmi, scott

wizardsonlyfools: I did not wake up at 3 AM for this shit

toomuchscotty: lmao loser you actually sleep

toomuchscotty: i fjckckdnnenen LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND 

toomuchscotty: i’m in love with hope i want that shit written down

wandawoman: Okay if wade keeps calling my brother hot I will kill someone

toomuchscotty: if u want to kill wade just tell peter

toomuchscotty: or bucky

toomuchscotty: they’ll kill wade on their own

wandawoman: Aw how are wade and peter doing

toomuchscotty: welp idk really but if i had to venture a guess they’re cool

mrmischief: so what are we just gonna turn this into a 3 am text orgy now

wizardsonlyfools: Might as well

mrmischief: wanda you need to come to terms with the fact that your brother is hot

wandawoman: That would be strange for me to come to terms with

toomuchscotty: hahahahhaah strange

wizardsonlyfools: As if I haven’t heard that one before

wandawoman: No like me and wade were literally going to my house for the biology project and pietro was just ON HIS BED WITH THE DOOR WIDE OPEN, SHIRTLESS ANF LAYING ON HIS STOMACH AND WADE GOES INSANE

toomuchscotty: wade will fuck anyone with 2 legs

wizardsonlyfools: I seriously just realized that I tend to surround myself with attractive people without realizing it

mrmischief: attractives attract

mrmischief: i’m on the hunt for a sugar daddy someone lmk if a rich man is interested in a greasy twink with great fashion sense

wandawoman: ..I’ll let u know

wizardsonlyfools: You know what I am? Happy but lowkey sad and I don’t know why

toomuchscotty: that sounds like a regular tuesday night for u 

wandawoman: whoops pietro’s still awake playing fortnite i better go before he makes me join him

wizardsonlyfools: Goodnight, Wanda

wandawoman: Good night stephen 

mrmischief: you smell that scott??

toomuchscotty: what is it loki

mrmischief: smells like a storm brewing

mrmischief: and here i am without an umbrella

toomuchscotty: (itsfreerealestate.png)

mrmischief: stop using that for everything 

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 6:04 AM

katniss: I BROKE MY HEARIND AI D

katniss: HELP

katniss: I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIKNBEN THIRSDAY TO GET A NEW ONE

falconfratboy: CLINT WHAT THE HELL

katniss: I ACCIDENTALLY YOT IT OUT THE WINDOW

falconfratboy: HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY YEET A HEARING AID OUT A WINDOW

katniss: THERE WAS A SPIDER

katniss: HELP I CANT HEAR MY MOM IDK IF SHES CALLING FOR ME

peterparkour: wade knows sign language if u need him to translate stuff for u today>:-0

wintersmoulder: DO YOU NEED MY MOM TO PAY FOR IT CLINT

katniss: NO I HAVE A WARRANTY YHANK YOU

katniss: PETER WILL YOU BLEASE ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND TO BE MY TRANSLATOR TODAY

peterparkour: YEAH SURE

nattytaffy: Why did you have it off in the first place

katniss: theres these lesbians nextdoor and they have REALLY loud sex so i took it off so i could sleep

wintersmoulder: epic

falconfratboy: This. This is great

katniss: guyssss what do i do

wintersmoulder: bear with it until you get your hearing aid ig

wintersmoulder: if it makes you feel better we’ll only use the chat to talk so u can read it

katniss: nah i’ll be fine i can like. sort of read lips sometimes if i try really hard but it’s okay

falconfratboy: You sure man

katniss: yeah u guys don’t have to do that it will only be for a few days

peterparkour: wade said he could do it, he just needs to go to the office to get a note from coulson so he can go to your classes with u

 

—

 

monday, 4:44 PM

 

wintersmoulder: guys i was doing knife tricks and i almost stabbed my foot i’m crying

katniss: i was there it was so funny

peterparkour: r.i.p. uncle bucky

katniss: lmao now he stabbed the mattress and the knife snapped in half 

wintersmoulder: today is the worst day of my life my minecraft server just got deleted

peterparkour: what why:((

wintersmoulder: idk it’s just.gone i’m finna cry

falconfratboy: You didn’t even play it anyways

falconfratboy: Bucky you haven’t played minecraft in 3 years

wintersmoulder: its just the principle of the thing

peterparkour: F

peterparkour: i would kill for wade wilson

wintersmoulder: i would kill for my minecraft server but alas 

wintersmoulder: and my mom just hinted that i should go to the aids clinic but jokes on her because i go every month

katniss: bucky whats it like bottoming

wintersmoulder: its great 10/10 use lube have fun

katniss: what no i’m asking hypothetically 

wintersmoulder: hhshamma okay

 

—

 

tuesday, 1:30 PM

wintersmoulder: hey where’s peter

falconfratboy: No idea

katniss: uhhhshsh idk if he wants you to know

wintersmoulder: the reason i’m asking is because i just heard what people are saying and i want to stab someone

wintersmoulder: so may i ask again: where is petey

nattytaffy: All three of us are in the janitor’s closet

nattytaffy: By the way, if it was anyone of you who told anyone else, I will never consider you my family ever again.

nattytaffy: Who the hell told?

falconfratboy: Not me

katniss: not me

wintersmoulder: i didn’t

wintersmoulder: who else knows

falconfratboy: Wade does I think?

wintersmoulder: wade is in 6th period right

katniss: bucky no

katniss: buck

katniss: ..shit

 

—

 

my best friend’s brother is the one for meee  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

tuesday, 1:34 PM

irondaddy: peter are you okay

 

—

 

bug bros  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

monday, 1:37 PM

toomuchscotty: hey you good man??

toomuchscotty: i’m here to talk if u want

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Pepper Potts (saltandpepper)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 1:45 PM

saltandpepper: We’re here for you, Peter

 

—

 

mr america sir  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 2:02 PM

starspangledsteve: Hey Peter

starspangledsteve: I know we haven’t really talked in a while but you should know that we all support you, me and all your friends included

starspangledsteve: Please talk to me if you ever need to

 

—

 

dirty gang  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Peter Quill (daddyquill)

tuesday, 3:38 PM

katniss: so

katniss: was it any one of you fuckers who spilled

daddyquill: ...spilled what

toomuchscotty: i swear i only found out when loki told me what people were saying earlier

mercwithamouth: i swear to fucking god if any of you posted that picture i will kill you

mercwithamouth: i will fucking kill you

daddyquill: i still don’t get it ?what happened with parker

katniss: wade do you want to tell him

mercwithamouth: he’ll find out anyways so we might as well.

katniss: okay so uh

katniss: fuck i feel bad telling anyone loki u go

mrmischief: fine, but keep in mind that it’s what people are saying and what i’m assuming that picture is eluding to, i never started it nor told anyone to begin with

mercwithamouth: just spit it out and get it over with, odinson

mrmischief: peter is transgender

daddyquill: well slap my ass and call me surprised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky probably threatened wade somewhere in this chapter because he loves his son peter and would definitely kill peter’s boyfriend for him
> 
> sorry for the small delay!! i had a huge project and a basketball game to cheer at (rip i’m a cheerleader) plus school in general but i hope it’s okay


	31. the fall of jake paul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> toomuchscotty: IM A DOG YOURE A PUPPY CALL YA KONG NOW LETS TALK ABOUT THIS GARBAGE THAT YOU CALL A SONG
> 
> wizardsonlyfools removed toomuchscotty from the chatroom
> 
> mrmischief: anyways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to take a different approach to the summaries because i really get stumped when i have to write them now lmao

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 3:49 PM

falconfratboy: Pete do you need a ride home

peterparkour: no but thank you

peterparkour: wade is taking me home

wintersmoulder: ok

falconfratboy: Remember my offer still stands anytime you need it

peterparkour: thank you sammy

nattytaffy: Wade and I took care of Ajax

katniss: by ‘take care’ do u mean jump him

nattytaffy: What else would ‘took care of Ajax’ mean in the context

peterparkour: is that why wade’s knuckles are bruised

nattytaffy: He got in a good punch or two

peterparkour: i don’t want u guys beating people up anymore:( especially not for me

wintersmoulder: kid that’s kind of what we do

peterparkour: well don’t ????

falconfratboy: He had it coming that’s all I’m saying

peterparkour: u know what i hate? when i see all of u and my boyfriend covered in bruises with bloody knuckles as if it’s normal

peterparkour: i’m getting so fucking tired of it

katniss: *le gasp*

wintersmoulder: that shits too far man

peterparkour: i love u all but like

peterparkour: chill

nattytaffy: You’re right

nattytaffy: Sorry, Peter

katniss: sorry peter

falconfratboy: Sorry pete

wintersmoulder: sorry

katniss: but you’re okay right

katniss: no one gave you shit today or anything

peterparkour: i saw a few glares

peterparkour: i’m not hurt, but i never am

katniss: :/

wintersmoulder: if anyone gives u shit then let us know and we’ll crucify their reputation

peterparkour: :-)

falconfratboy: In other news did y’all hear about the homecoming dance

wintersmoulder: you’re so late

nattytaffy: It’s next week

katniss: this sad boy has no one to go with:((

nattytaffy: I don’t have that problem

wintersmoulder: ????????

 

 

—

 

wizards of waverly place  
members:  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

tuesday, 10:10 AM

wandawoman: Fuck pietro so hard

toomuchscotty: what did he do

mrmischief: he created good in the world that’s what he did

wandawoman: He just forged my handwriting and wrote a love note to natasha asking her if she wanted to go to hoco with me

toomuchscotty: BAHAHAHHAHA

wizardsonlyfools: I mean thank god finally

wandawoman: God it was so awkward

toomuchscotty: but u like her!!!

wandawoman: I DO

wandawoman: But we don’t even talk!

mrmischief: my skin? cleared

mrmischief: crops? watered

mrmischief: hotel? trivago

wizardsonlyfools: I think we’re all avoiding the obvious question here

wizardsonlyfools: Did she say yes

wandawoman: Yes she said yes stephen

toomuchscotty: LITTLE JAKEY TRYNA ROAST ME W H AT LITTLE BROTHER STANDIN ON HIS OWN TWO FEET NOT FOR LONGG

toomuchscotty: IM A DOG YOURE A PUPPY CALL YA KONG NOW LETS TALK ABOUT THIS GARBAGE THAT YOU CALL A SONG

wizardsonlyfools removed toomuchscotty from the chatroom

mrmischief: anyways

wandawoman: Like at first she went up to me with her unfairly beautiful face and hair and fuckunggfg BOOBS and was really confused and was like ‘are you sure you sent this to the right natasha romanoff’s locker’ and i go ?????????? but now i have a gorgeous date to hoco for the first time in my life what do i do

wizardsonlyfools: You type so fast I had a stroke 5 minutes ago

wandawoman: She’s so pretty i’m gonna cry i’m not gonna survive an entire night of just. HER

wandawoman: What if she was just joking though

mrmischief: i’m??????????????????????¿

mrmischief: you classic lesbian

wizardsonlyfools: Just have fun and don’t worry about it

mrmischief: it’s time to add the ant back

wizardsonlyfools added toomuchscotty to the chatroom

toomuchscotty: WHAT HAPPENED JAKE MAN WE USED TO LOVE EACHOTHER AFTERALL WE CAME FROM THE SAME MOTHER

toomuchscotty: BIOLOGICALLY YOU KNOW THAT AMKES US BROTHERS SO MUCH NEGATIVITY IT REALLY MAKES ME WONDERRRR

wandawoman: Mute chat

 

—

 

tuesday, 9:29 PM

toomuchscotty: ..so i’m assuming we’ve all heard the news

wandawoman: This is so shitty i feel bad for peter

wizardsonlyfools: Scott and I saw Bucky pick up Wade by the collar and ask if he did it

toomuchscotty: it was very low and husky very sexy

wizardsonlyfools: He looked like he was about to tear out Wade’s esophagus

mrmischief: bold of u to assume i know what an esophagus is

toomuchscotty: loki even i know that and i’m  
the dumbest person you’ll ever meet

mrmischief: oh i thought esophagus was like a vegetable or a dinosaur whoops

wandawoman: i never saw the picture like what even was it

mrmischief: peter pre-transition from like 4 years ago

toomuchscotty: ://

wandawoman: Who posted it on snap in the first place?

wizardsonlyfools: Some kid named Flash from Peter’s old school sent it to that one bitch named Katrina, who then sent it to that guy named after a dish soap brand

toomuchscotty: ajax

mrmischief: isn’t his name francis

toomuchscotty: yeah but apparently being named after dish soap is cool so that’s that

mrmischief: who the hell names their child flash

wandawoman: Who names themself francis

wizardsonlyfools: Tony is the most worried I’ve ever seen him

wizardsonlyfools: Let him live and be a stay at home dad you dumbass god

mrmischief: r e s e n t

toomuchscotty: but like,, u all are cool with peter right

mrmischief: what kind of a dumb fuck question is that

wandawoman: Of course!!

wizardsonlyfools: Scott, if anyone weren’t I would gauge their eyes out

toomuchscotty: i’m just asking because like if anyone i knew weren’t then i wouldn’t consider them a friend anymore

toomuchscotty: that’s my bug bro right there

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

tuesday, 6:31 PM

mercwithamouth: remember that huge long paragraph i wrote you when you came out to me saying how valid and important u are no matter what sex you were born as

peterparkour: its hung up on my wall

mercwithamouth: let me retweet but physically

mercwithamouth: i’m so fucking in love with you and everything that comes with you

mercwithamouth: my beautiful handsome little man i will fill my home with liquid cheese for u

peterparkour: wade you’re such a dork

mercwithamouth: i will swim through an ocean of liquid cheese for you

mercwithamouth: i hate liquid cheese

peterparkour: i love you wade wilson

mercwithamouth: i wuv you peter parker

peterparkour: wanna make out

mercwithamouth: yes very

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 11:45 PM

katniss: y’all i JUST had sex

wintersmoulder: I JUST WANNA SAY CONGRATULATIOOOOONNNNNNNSSSSS

peterparkour: wow who with

nattytaffy: Clint go to bed you’re high

katniss: no i’m not!!!

katniss: and i already tried but i cant sleep my ass hurts too much

wintersmoulder: *chokes on water*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i really haven’t done jack shit with the avengers assemble chat (thor bruce tony steve peter) in a while ig they’re all just on the bench


	32. yobama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katniss: i think i’m bi but like whatever right haha
> 
> nattytaffy: Congratulations, you’re officially the last person to find out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOBAMA

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 2:26 AM

irondaddy: QUICK WHO HAS THE HOMEWORK ANSWERS

peterparkour: why are u awake mr stark

irondaddy: HOMEWORK

greenandmean: I have an alarm set every day for 2 AM just because Tony’s going to wake me up anyways for homework answers

greenandmean: (answers.png)

irondaddy: FHANKS GTG CHICKEN

starspangledsteve: why the FUCK is my phone going off it’s like 2 in the fcukimg mORNING TONY

 

—

 

wednesday, 4:11 AM

starspangledsteve: Msorry I yelled at u guys i had a dream that buckh threw mw off a bridge and Ineed emotional supprt 

irondaddy: oh baby

peterparkour: bucky would never do that stevie:((

starspangledsteve: He was bIG mad at me whst am I gonna do,,.....,,,..

starspangledsteve: I need a hug someone hug me please

irondaddy: i’m omw u big baby

irondaddy: ur best bro is on his way to give u a hug just go to bed

greenandmean: Now I know why god abandoned this timeline

greenandmean: Loki won’t stop sleepwalking in the middle of the night and pouring himself 4 glasses of milk, pouring them out into the sink, then leaving the empty glasses outside Thor and I’s door while humming the cooking by the book lil john remix

rawrimadinothor: Are you awake Bruce

greenandmean: You see me texting on my phone (?)

rawrimadinothor: I’m so scared I wasn’t sure

peterparkour: i feel compelled to add something to the conversation so have you tried waking loki up

rawrimadinothor: I tried once but he carries a knife

rawrimadinothor: There’s still a scar

greenandmean: I think I hear Hela turning on her light

rawrimadinothor: No no no NOT DIESEL

peterparkour: what’s happening now

rawrimadinothor: OH MISHBW GODNS 

greenandmean: Holy fuck

rawrimadinothor: He’s just chanting ‘YOBAMA YOBAMA YOBAMA’ OVER AND OVER AGAIN

peterparkour: LEAVE THE HOUSE

rawrimadinothor: SHSJJSJSJSJKSISJRHRUEIDJJDJDJDUIDGTFDGYHAH B

irondaddy: [(yobama.png)](https://goo.gl/images/TxWFKq)

peterparkour: NO

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

wednesday, 8:53 AM

wintersmoulder: clint

katniss: yes

wintersmoulder: what the fuck was that about last night

katniss: what can a guy never have butt sex before i thought u of all people wouldn’t care

wintersmoulder: i’m a curious person by nature that’s all

falconfratboy: Clint you should just tell them

katniss: shjsjsjsjsjjs

katniss: okay guys here it is inhale

peterparkour: drumroll blease

katniss: haha

katniss: i think i’m bi but like whatever right haha

nattytaffy: Congratulations, you’re officially the last person to find out

wintersmoulder: I JUST WANNA SAY CONGRATUUULLLLLLAAAATTTTTIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNSSSSSSS

peterparkour: yay we can be bi bros!!!

katniss: but like who knows maybe i’m str8 as a like line or something haha

falconfratboy: Trust me, I’ve had sex with you

falconfratboy: You’re very gay 

katniss: but i still like tits so..bi

wintersmoulder: WHAT THE FUCK

peterparkour: ladies and gentlemen

peterparkour: we got em

nattytaffy: Everyone in this chat except for Peter has made out with Clint at least once it’s official

falconfratboy: Believe me there was no time for kissing ;)

katniss: SAM

wintersmoulder: WHAT THE FUCK

wintersmoulder: and WHAT THE FUCK

peterparkour: they skiddadle skidoodled i think

wintersmoulder: WHAT THE F UCMEKKSNS

nattytaffy: I confiscated Bucky’s phone

nattytaffy: Congrats to both of you I just hope you know what you’re doing

falconfratboy: I know how to put on a condom nat

nattytaffy: Not what I mean but okay

katniss: SKRT SKRTTTTT

peterparkour: congrats clint :D

 

—

 

wednesday, 4:49 PM

wintersmoulder: we need to discuss our plans for hoco

peterparkour: i’m going with wade but i think we’re just gonna meet there so i’m down for any plans !!

katniss: aww what abt you tasha what’s on your agenda ;))))))

nattytaffy: Shut your bitch ass up

falconfratboy: Wait what happened 

wintersmoulder: natasha’s got a girrrrllllllfrieeeennnnnnddddd

nattytaffy: Shut up Bucky

falconfratboy: No way did we get em

peterparkour: WE GOT EM

nattytaffy: We’re not going out or anything, it’s just homecoming

wintersmoulder: you’ve been crushing on wanda since 7th grade nat!!!!!!

nattytaffy: She’s probably just pranking me or something to become the top alpha lesbian of the school

falconfratboy: I thought you said you weren’t a lesbian

nattytaffy: I’m. Not. Picky.

nattytaffy: Cheerleaders do that kind of stuff right they prank people for their girl scout badges or something

katniss: natasha!!

nattytaffy: What Clint I’m freaking out over here

katniss: calm down !!!!!

nattytaffy: Why

katniss: it’ll be g r e a t

wintersmoulder: yeah nat it’s been so long since you’ve had a date it’ll be fun

nattytaffy: Shade

peterparkour: don’t be nervous bls i’ll even help u go shopping on sunday

nattytaffy: Okay fine but be prepared to hold all my bags for me 

wintersmoulder: hang on i’ve been typing this out

wintersmoulder: clint, sam, peter and i will go shopping on saturday or friday after school depending on our plans. we will all get matching ties, each with our signature colors. mine is red, clint is purple, sam is orange, peter is either red or blue, he can choose, but he’ll probably choose blue. everything is on me

wintersmoulder: natasha can get whatever dress she wants as long as long as it radiates big dick energy and she wears the 1000$ earrings i bought her last year on her birthday. chivalry sake. also, she doesn’t have to worry much about shoes because every girl takes them off at the dance anyways, so they only have to look good enough for pictures. i’ll pay for her manicure etc, her and peter can just take my card

wintersmoulder: peter clint sam and i are hitting up the barber next friday, a few hours before the game, for the element of surprise. after the game we’ll go to my house to get ready and fix up or hair, bathe in cologne, get peter some condoms, then pick up natasha for pictures, there will be a professional photographer waiting for us at the quarry during the pep rally and we’ll be able to make it in time for homecoming king and queen to be announced and the dance to start

wintersmoulder: most importantly of all, we must remember to skate fast, eat ass, and keep our snapchat stories lit as always

katniss: u typed that out???

wintersmoulder: i had it in my notes i just plan ahead a lot

falconfratboy: Our school goes so formal for hoco it’s almost draining

peterparkour: ???then what the heck is prom like

nattytaffy: It’s too much to live up to, honestly

wintersmoulder: everyone down

falconfratboy: Yeah it’s good man

peterparkour: thank you bucky !

wintersmoulder: np

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)

thursday, 10:02 AM

falconfratboy added toomuchscotty, mrmischief, mercwithamouth, peterparkour, and irondaddy to the chat

falconfratboy: who’s ready for the biggest hoco prank this school has ever seen

mercwithamouth: sounds gay I’m in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for 900 kudos uwu


	33. (non)pot brownies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nattytaffy: That’s the most disgusting analogy I’ve ever heard
> 
> katniss: ANALogy
> 
> nattytaffy: I’m going to bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i’m so late omg
> 
> since yesterday was christmas i spent a lot of time with my annoying family so i didnt have time to write for a few days
> 
> plus this is rlly lame sorry i’m having like writers block rn

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

thursday, 11:20 PM

wintersmoulder: fuck you sam

falconfratboy: I’m stating the obvious, buck

wintersmoulder: fuck u

nattytaffy: What’s wrong

wintersmoulder: this little BITCH just cheated at crazy 8s

falconfratboy: Bucky is mad because i beat him 10 times at crazy 8’s and he’s a sore loser

wintersmoulder: i am not a sore loser you’re just a pussy

katniss: don’t call my dick a pussy

falconfratboy: CLINT

nattytaffy: That’s the most disgusting analogy I’ve ever heard

katniss: ANALogy

nattytaffy: I’m going to bed

wintersmoulder: y’all i’m blocking sam on imessages bet

katniss: he didn’t do anything..

wintersmoulder: YES HE DID

katniss: sam let’s hook up rn my parents are on vacation for their anniversary 

falconfratboy: This isn’t really how booty calls work

falconfratboy: At all

katniss: blease

falconfratboy: Ok rip omw 

wintersmoulder: i am truly disgusted ladies and gentlemen 

katniss: ur just jealous i have someone to fuck 

wintersmoulder: no u guys are fine together i’m just disgusted at your use of booty calls

wintersmoulder: subtlety ??

wintersmoulder: god i want a man

katniss: what abt steve tho

wintersmoulder: we don’t say that name here

falconfratboy: I’m curious too actually, he’s really depressed rn

wintersmoulder: o shit really

falconfratboy: Yeah

wintersmoulder: maybe i should text him?

katniss: go ahead get ur man

falconfratboy: Not now tho he’s an old man and goes to bed at 8

wintersmoulder: i guess we’re over for real now huh

katniss: never say never bucko:/

falconfratboy: Yeah what about that kiss in the hospital??

wintersmoulder: i don’t think it counts we were both just stressed out

wintersmoulder: yeah idk

katniss: u still like him though rite

wintersmoulder: yah a lot

katniss: whatever 

katniss: go to sleep bucky :-)

wintersmoulder: ...i feel like? you’re gonna stab me in my sleep or smth

katniss: s l e e p

 

—

 

friday, 5:45 AM

peterparkour: apparently wearing a giant sweatshirt and socks is open invitation to be made out with

nattytaffy: Did Wade sneak into your house again

peterparkour: my window was unlocked:-/

peterparkour: but like get yourself a man who can bake

peterparkour: i love making brownies at 1 AM

katniss: aww

katniss: y’all i’m in PAIN rn

falconfratboy: Whoops sorry i was eating a milky way

wintersmoulder: i’m doing my eyeliner today 

wintersmoulder: in search for a new man

peterparkour: steeb likes your eyeliner too lol hahaha

peterparkour: haha

wintersmoulder: he can get this too if he tried

wintersmoulder: my wings? sharp

nattytaffy: Remember Peter, you’re going shopping with me on Sunday

peterparkour: oaky the mall?

nattytaffy: Yes

wintersmoulder: i’ll give u guys my card tomorrow after i take all of us suit shopping

nattytaffy: Okay

 

—

 

dirty gang  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Peter Quill (daddyquill)

friday, 7:07 AM

mercwithamouth: who wants brownies i have way too many 

daddyquill: pot?

mercwithamouth: no beter wouldn’t let me put any in:((

daddyquill: i’ll take it anyways bring some for me

toomuchscotty: ARE YALL READY

toomuchscotty: READY FREDDY

katniss: FOR WHAT

toomuchscotty: HO M E C O M I N G

mercwithamouth: scotty here is hyped because his girlfriend asked him out to it

mercwithamouth: there were flowers

toomuchscotty: IM A POWER BOTTOM WADE

daddyquill: i don’t see the relevance of that and you being a power bottom

mrmischief: fuck you quill 

daddyquill: o

katniss: wow i just saw steve rogers this morning and he is not looking too hot

mrmischief: you’re talking with a stick up your ass barton

toomuchscotty: ‘steve rogers’ and ‘not looking too hot’ don’t go in the same sentence

katniss: no like he looks really emo and sad 

mercwithamouth: should i tell him to take the pity dick out of his mouth

daddyquill: bet do it

mercwithamouth: nah i just saw him he really ain’t looking too hot

katniss: its probably because bucky is being a pu$$y and won’t talk to him

katniss: as if we won’t find a way to force them to make up lmao

mrmischief: we stan

mrmischief: this chat radiates chaotic neutral energy when we’re not plotting something 

toomuchscotty: good thing we are;))))

katniss: ??

daddyquill: u can’t just plot something and not tell me

mercwithamouth: scott—

mrmischief: RUN AWAY

 

—

 

operation homecoming crashers  
members:  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

friday, 7:11 AM

falconfratboy: Scott did u get the golf cart

toomuchscotty: i’m working on it samuel

toomuchscotty: this guy wants pot for it and i’m trying to find eddie brock so he can deal me some ://

mercwithamouth: fr fr eddie sells the best pot i’ve ever had

peterparkour: (caucasiancontrol.png)

irondaddy: still don’t understand why we need a golf cart 

falconfratboy: I’m sorry did you /want/ to carry 6 bags of corn meal by hand ??

irondaddy: nvm then

mrmischief: i know a way we can get it all to the roof

mrmischief: there’s a hatch on the 3rd floor leading to a ladder so i’m positive it goes there

falconfratboy: Okay will u check it out with me at lunch then

mrmischief: sure jan

peterparkour: i’m just here to hypebeast you all right

mercwithamouth: and give me hugs

peterparkour: IM COMING TO YOUR LOCKER TO GIVE U A HUG RN

mrmischief: DISGUSTING

irondaddy: its wrONG TO INTERFERE WITH YOUNG LOVE BITCH

falconfratboy: brace yourselves peter is sprinting down the hall

mrmischief: YOBAMA

irondaddy: [(yobama.png)](https://goo.gl/images/TxWFKq)

toomuchscotty: N O

 

—

 

super mario bros  
members:  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

friday, 8:28 AM

katniss: so we’re both a couple of bros right and we can tell eachother everything right 

wintersmoulder: yeah bro

katniss: and you have a lot of,, experience with unrequited shit right

wintersmoulder: i take offense but yes proceed

katniss: i think i’m catching feelings for someone but like hahah right it’s probably bs haha

wintersmoulder: ...clint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys have any theories or predictions for what could happen next then blease comment them down below i wanna read them and see what i’m doing right lol
> 
> and if u have any questions about me/the story/etc then ask away too!! let’s have a discussion i’m so bored 
> 
> ily i hope you had a nice holiday :))until next time


	34. disney trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> irondaddy: so stephen and i have an idea
> 
> rawrimadinothor: For what
> 
> irondaddy named the chat ‘operation: GET THESE IDIOTS BACK TOGETHER’
> 
> wizardsonlyfools: I didn’t choose the name
> 
> mercwithamouth: oh thank fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all..blease.. check out my instagram @cryptic_potato, i’m almost at 4k followers and i wanna get it by the end of the year:(
> 
> i’m such an attention whore sowwy

—

 

just pals being bros  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

friday, 9:29 AM

irondaddy: u can’t keep ignoring us forever steve

irondaddy: i know where u live

starspangledsteve: I’m not ignoring you I’m just not talking to anyone

irondaddy: i can’t believe you’re still hung up on that kid when u won’t even?? try talking to him??????

starspangledsteve: It’s not that easy

irondaddy: how then

starspangledsteve: He seems a lot happier without me in the picture

starspangledsteve: ugh Fuck off Tones just let me be emo

irondaddy: no wait what the hell gave u that impression

starspangledsteve: It’s obvious

starspangledsteve: And he’s wearing eyeliner he’s obviously peacocking

irondaddy: wtf

starspangledsteve: He’s looking for a new guy okay

starspangledsteve: I know I told you I wouldn’t give up but giving up seems really good right now because I never tried in the first place

irondaddy: don’t be a pussy man the hell up rogers

starspangledsteve: I’m tired and sad leave me alone

irondaddy: dude if it’s about your mom i told u

irondaddy: i’ll totally cover her bills you just have to let me know

starspangledsteve: Fine I’ll tell you if it gets to that point

irondaddy: well u at least HAVE to let me help with the rent

starspangledsteve: No, Tony

starspangledsteve: That’s something I need to do on my own

starspangledsteve: Not all of us were born with a silver spoon

irondaddy: damn someone needs a snickers bar

irondaddy: then i’m just gonna skip money in your wallet because you.need.to. eat

irondaddy: fast metabolism all that shit

starspangledsteve: Go to class Tony

irondaddy: this isn’t over chief

 

—

 

my best friend’s brother is the one for meee  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

friday, 11:49 AM

peterparkour: TONY THE TIGER

irondaddy: yessiree

peterparkour: so natasha is really nervous about going to hoco with wanda so can u ask stephen to ask wanda and confirm that she isn’t gonna pull a carrie

irondaddy: sure kid one sec

 

—

 

   
gucci slides sunday  
members:  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

friday, 11:52 AM

irondaddy: hey stephey you like me right

wizardsonlyfools: I thought we were past this point, Tony

wizardsonlyfools: Yes I do

irondaddy: will u do me a favoooorrrrrr

wizardsonlyfools: Sure

irondaddy: can u ask maximoff about hoco with natasha

irondaddy: apparently she’s worried that wanda is pranking her??

wizardsonlyfools: Classic lesbians

wizardsonlyfools: Yes just wait for a minute

irondaddy: THNAK YOU BABYYY

irondaddy: COUNTRY BOYY I LOOOVE YOUUU

 

—

 

wizards of waverly place  
members:  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

friday, 12:01 PM

wizardsonlyfools: So, Wanda

mrmischief: the roles are reversed ladies and gentlemen

wizardsonlyfools: Are you excited to go to hoco with Natasha

wandawoman: Yes I’m crying stephen she’s so great and badass why can’t she just date me already

wizardsonlyfools: Okay thanks that will be all

mrmischief: lmao

 

—

 

gucci slides sunday  
members:  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

friday, 12:04 PM

wizardsonlyfools: (screenshot.png)

irondaddy: perfect thank you mister doctor i liiiiiikkkkkkkeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuu

wizardsonlyfools: I like you too, Tony

irondaddy: :-))))))

 

—

 

spider siblings  
members:  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 12:08 PM

peterparkour: natty look

peterparkour: (screenshot.png)

nattytaffy: :)

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 1:41 PM

peterparkour: guys i made a new friend today

wintersmoulder: o wow who

peterparkour: her name is shuri and she bullies her brother with vine references

falconfratboy: You have so much in common

wintersmoulder: OOO it’s t’challa’s sister

peterparkour: she’s really cool and likes science i’m crying i have another science bro

falconfratboy: Can’t relate

katniss: yeah me too hahah

katniss: haha

falconfratboy: Lmao

wintersmoulder: i think i messed up

falconfratboy: W

wintersmoulder: i waved at steve and i might have accidentally smoldered bc he immediately walked into a locker

wintersmoulder: this isn’t ok

peterparkour: OMG

katniss: smells like gay in here

wintersmoulder: yeah it does clint cough cough

katniss: shuddup

wintersmoulder: what do i do

falconfratboy: Talk to him??

wintersmoulder: i’m scared though last time i broke up with someone i got thrown off a bridge so

nattytaffy: Bucky what the hell

wintersmoulder: i’m venting

katniss: woman up!!

falconfratboy: I was talking to him earlier and dude he’s still an emo shit over you

wintersmoulder: ugh where’s stark

peterparkour: science lab why

wintersmoulder: he’s the only one who understands me

katniss: why because he’s a cocky rich white boy

wintersmoulder: yeah tbh

wintersmoulder: i’m gonna go vent to him ttyl

 

—

 

super mario bros  
members:  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

friday, 6:40 PM

wintersmoulder: ur pining and sad right

katniss: yeah

wintersmoulder: ..well i met with eddie brock today

wintersmoulder: we made a sweet exchange if u know what i mean

katniss: yes i would love to get high with you

wintersmoulder: its a date

katniss: quarry?

wintersmoulder: naturally

 

—

 

nationwide i want to die  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

friday, 11:15 PM

wintersmoulder: yyy legs arenwet

wintersmoulder: help clit isgOING DOWNSTREAM he’s snww swi Mming a way

peterparkour: bucky what

wintersmoulder: beter porker i love u sayhi to sAm ann. d madonna for mw

peterparkour: :0

peterparkour: i’m gonna call natasha

wintersmoulder: NO WHATSVEV NO

wintersmoulder: BLEAS RNILL DO ANYTHINFF

wintersmoulder: NO

peterparkour: are you drunk or high or both

wintersmoulder: IM IN A TREE

peterparkour: WHERE IS THE TREE

wintersmoulder: D IS N E Y

peterparkour: IM TRACKING YOUR PHONE ON GPS STAY WHERE YOU ARE

peterparkour: WHOS WITH YOU

wintersmoulder: clit

peterparkour: GEIEIEOWOEOWKEJSJSJ

 

—

 

spider siblings  
members:  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 11:50 PM

peterparkour: natasha help

peterparkour: bucky and clint got high at the quarry so wade and i came to get them but they think wade is ryan reynolds and they won’t listen to us :((((((

peterparkour: and bucky is hysterical and keeps sobbing ‘americaaaa’ over and over again

nattytaffy: It’s almost midnight Peter

peterparkour: i know i’m sorry

nattytaffy: I’m coming right now

nattytaffy: And they’re going home with me, you and Wade can leave as soon as I get there

peterparkour: thanks natty

nattytaffy: Np

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)

saturday, 12:47 AM

nattytaffy: Open your window

starspangledsteve: ????? What the fuck?

starspangledsteve: Are you outside my house??

nattytaffy: We need to talk. Now.

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)

saturday, 9:25 AM

irondaddy added greenandmean, wizardsonlyfools, rawrimadinothor, mercwithamouth, nattytaffy, katniss, falconfratboy, peterparkour, and andpeggy to the chat

irondaddy: so stephen and i have an idea

rawrimadinothor: For what

irondaddy named the chat ‘operation: GET THESE IDIOTS BACK TOGETHER’

wizardsonlyfools: I didn’t choose the name

mercwithamouth: oh thank fuck

mercwithamouth: i would’ve died if we didn’t do something soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally some hope for these assholes amirite babey


	35. butcher knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rawrimadinothor: That’s impossible lol no one else is here!! 
> 
> rawrimadinothor: Definitely not the mickey mouse club ha
> 
> starspangledsteve: ..What is this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot thickens >:3c

—

 

operation: GET THESE IDIOTS BACK TOGETHER  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Peggy Carter (andpeggy)

saturday, 9:27 AM

katniss: i’m so down 

andpeggy: I’m assuming this is about Steve and Barnes?

wizardsonlyfools: Correct

irondaddy: yep

nattytaffy: What’s the plan

irondaddy: first off, we need to get them to talk

falconfratboy: Wbk

nattytaffy: The odds of them having a conversation at all aren’t...existent 

mercwithamouth: no shit

greenandmean: What’s even the deal with them anyways?

katniss: drama my dear padawan 

irondaddy: long story short they’re both dumbasses and won’t talk to eachother even tho they’re both SERIOUSLY pining

mercwithamouth: tht’s right sugar tits

irondaddy: look fella i don’t swing that way

irondaddy: despite my perfect body

wizardsonlyfools: Tony you slapped my ass and called me baby cakes 5 minutes ago

irondaddy: i said no homo afterwards didn’t i

peterparkour: i’m cryinh

andpeggy: Wow I still remember the day that Steve came to my door blushing like an idiot because he kissed Barnes at the quarry 

andpeggy: What happened?????

falconfratboy: A /lot/

irondaddy: ..a lot of shit went down but it’s over with

wizardsonlyfools: Basically, the only reason they’re both in the state that they’re in is because they refuse to communicate with each other

wizardsonlyfools: The only solution we have for that without Clint dying is locking them in a secluded room together

wizardsonlyfools: Possibly for an extended period of time

katniss: aw yeah

greenandmean: That makes sense

peterparkour: ohh 

mercwithamouth: tough luck handsome but how are we gonna do that

falconfratboy: You really want to fuck stark and strange, don’t u

mercwithamouth: that’s the plan

peterparkour: you also have a??? oh yeah!!!!! a boyfriend!!!!!!

rawrimadinothor: Spider child could join in as well

peterparkour: yuck no

falconfratboy: Oh shit you and tony are still cousins lol

greenandmean: I forgot about that too, don’t worry

mercwithamouth: i have a feeling the author forgot as well and decided to bring it up so she wasn’t held accountable

andpeggy: ...Anyways

andpeggy: How are we going to get them together??

irondaddy: that’s where u come in actually

irondaddy: we need you to unlock the school for us

andpeggy: Uhhh

greenandmean: The school would be the most practical, honestly

falconfratboy: The janitor’s closet maybe

peterparkour: heck yeah

peterparkour: oh yeah sam and i can rig up a speaker and a microphone inside the closet so we can hear what’s going on

wizardsonlyfools: That would be optimal

irondaddy: please aunt peggyyyyyy

andpeggy: You know that’s illegal right

nattytaffy: It’s punishable by fine so it’s legal for Tony

andpeggy: I have a bad conscience :/ Why couldn’t you ask Pepper

irondaddy: she would never say yes:((((

wizardsonlyfools: Please, Peggy

andpeggy: Sigh

andpeggy: What time do you need me to be there

rawrimadinothor: Thank the stars

irondaddy: quick brady bunch how fast can u get bucky to the school without suspicion 

nattytaffy: I’d say about 20 minutes and 37 seconds

falconfratboy: I’ll carpool everyone you guys just need to get bucky to go to school with us

katniss: the clock is ticking let’s go lesbians

falconfratboy: Gotta blast

peterparkour: okayyyyyyy

nattytaffy: Wade if you’re with Peter come with us too

mercwithamouth: okay uwu

wizardsonlyfools: Bruce and Thor, can you get Steve to the school in that time

greenandmean: On it

andpeggy: I’ll have the south hallway doors open at 10:00

andpeggy: You owe me, Stark naked

irondaddy: yeah yeah just give peps a hug from me 

wizardsonlyfools: We need to leave, Tony

irondaddy: alr coming

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 9:45 AM

katniss: oh darn i forgot my brand new valentino white hearing aid at school :////

katniss: bucky and nat will u;))) go with me:)))

wintersmoulder: i just woke up clint don’t TALK to me

wintersmoulder: i thought i saw u wearing it yesterday?

katniss: u thot wrong

peterparkour: omg i want to go to school too!!

nattytaffy: Bucky unless you want to have an awkward conversation with my parents when you leave alone, I suggest you get your ass up

wintersmoulder: damn nat this early??

katniss: blease

falconfratboy: Remember last time lmao

katniss: ‘so jAm es whAt’s it like beinG GaY? are yoU the mAn or wOMan in the reLatiOnshi p?’

wintersmoulder: ..u rite lets go

falconfratboy: I’m picking up peter and wade we’ll meet u there

peterparkour: yayyyyyy

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:   
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 9:51 AM

greenandmean: Thor please

rawrimadinothor: I’M SORRY

starspangledsteve: What???

greenandmean: Loki forgot his paring knife in his locker and is trying to stab Thor with a butchers knife

starspangledsteve: Ouch my bones

rawrimadinothor: JUST BE QUIET AND HE’LL LEAVE SOON

greenandmean: We’re hiding in a cabinet by the way

greenandmean: Babe we need to go get it from his locker

rawrimadinothor: FINE

rawrimadinothor: OKAY LET ME NEGOTIATE

peterparkour: OMG

irondaddy: oh my god this is great

greenandmean: Thanks

starspangledsteve: ..Do you need help

greenandmean: Yeah can you go to school with us so we can break in and get the knife?

starspangledsteve: I don’t think that’s a good idea

rawrimadinothor: PLEASE STEVE LOKI WILL KILL ME AND WE NEED A LOOKOUT

starspangledsteve: I have nothing else to live for so sure 

starspangledsteve: This might as well happen

irondaddy: good luck i’d totally join u guys but,, i gotta date with the hubby

peterparkour: yeah imm busy too haha

rawrimadinothor: WE’LL PICK YOU UP IN 5 MINUTES STEVEN THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION 

starspangledsteve: Oakskjsjsnsbsbnsjsj

 

—

 

operation: GET THESE IDIOTS BACK TOGETHER  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Peggy Carter (andpeggy)

saturday, 9:58 AM

irondaddy: nice work guys

peterparkour: y’all.. thor and bruce are legends

greenandmean: We weren’t lying actually, Loki is actually trying to kill Thor with a butchers knife 

rawrimadinothor: We didn’t even get to have a wedding in cabos :(((((

mercwithamouth: we’re getting married in cabos too isn’t that right shnookums 

peterparkour: where’s my ring first off

wizardsonlyfools: Brady bunch what’s your status

katniss: we are in pursuit the suspect is on his way

irondaddy: bingo bongo lets get this bread

nattytaffy: What are we supposed to do when we get there? Aren’t we trying to avoid them seeing each other first off

wizardsonlyfools: We’ll just have to try to prevent them seeing each other then get them in the closet

peterparkour: wade sam and i got here early so we’re setting up the microphone and camera and stuff

andpeggy: What will it do?

peterparkour: basically we’ll be able to talk to them from outside and hear everything they say cos there’s a speaker and microphone on both sides, plus we have an ipad that’s synced to the security camera inside the closet

falconfratboy: We’re pulling up

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:   
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 10:11

starspangledsteve: Hey I think I just heard Natasha and Bucky’s voices down the stairway??

rawrimadinothor: That’s impossible lol no one else is here!! 

rawrimadinothor: Definitely not the mickey mouse club ha

starspangledsteve: ..What is this

irondaddy: i hope you all know what you’re doing cough cough

greenandmean: We’ll be out in a sec just wait there Steve

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 10:14 AM

wintersmoulder: u guys aren’t cute

wintersmoulder: i heard footsteps upstairs you’re planning something 

nattytaffy: We have no idea what you’re talking about.

peterparkour: that was probably me and wade we’re goofing off upstairs sorry

wintersmoulder: eyes emoji

 

—

 

operation: GET THESE IDIOTS BACK TOGETHER  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Peggy Carter (andpeggy)

saturday, 10:17 AM

irondaddy: quick thorbruce we need steve in the closet first

greenandmean: Going to the hallway right now

 

—

 

saturday, 10:20 AM

rawrimadinothor: ROGERS IS IN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blease leave a kudos and a comment if u have time it’s the highlight of my month when i get feedback from u guys:)))


	36. lovely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Save the chivalry, asshole. You can accept help every once in a while, ya’ know. Stop being so—so...”
> 
> STEVE ROGERS looks up, irritated. “So what?”
> 
> “So fucking perfect,” BUCKY BARNES hisses.
> 
> STEVE ROGERS allows his head to drop again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :-)
> 
> bringing something new to the table 2nite boys

saturday, 10:20 AM

rawrimadinothor: ROGERS IS IN

katniss: how did u manage to do that

rawrimadinothor: We kind of just opened the door and pushed him inside when he was off guard

greenandmean: Get Barnes in now

mercwithamouth: we’re abt to brucey

andpeggy: I suppose my work here is done?

wizardsonlyfools: Yeah, you’re free to leave. Thank you Ms Carter

andpeggy: Anytime Mr Strange

andpeggy left the chat

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 10:23 AM

starspangledsteve: What the fuck is wrong with you guys???

starspangledsteve: Let me out of here

irondaddy: sorry bud no can do

starspangledsteve: Tony you’re in on this?????????

starspangledsteve: It smells like bleach in here come on

starspangledsteve: What are you even doing

peterparkour: sorry uncle steve

starspangledsteve: ... Peter not you too

peterparkour: you’ll see why in a minute

starspangledsteve: You motherfuckers

starspangledsteve: Come on I don’t want to see him

irondaddy: we’re tired of the both of you bitching all the time. ur gonna figure this out whether you want to or not

greenandmean: Tony he’s coming up

starspangledsteve: Who is?????

irondaddy: ur boy toy obvi

starspangledsteve: ANTHONY STARK IM GOING TO KILL YOU

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 10:25 AM

wintersmoulder: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS YOUR DAMAGE

wintersmoulder: LET US OUT RIGHT NOW

nattytaffy: Sorry James if you have any grievances you may take it out with my superiors

wintersmoulder: DONT FUCKING FORGET I KNOW WHERE YOU ALL SLEEP YOU ASSHOLES

wintersmoulder: YOU DONT HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT

katniss: i’m sorry bucky it’s the only way

wintersmoulder: FUCK YOU

wintersmoulder: DONT FORGET WHO MADE YOU BITCHES

falconfratboy: Rude

wintersmoulder: FUCK YOU IN PARTICULAR

peterparkour: bucky blease stop you’re going to break the door

nattytaffy: Pete is the equipment set up

peterparkour: yup stephen is coming rn

 

—

file name: custodianclosetsurveillance.mov

date created: 11/10/18

duration: 3:23:07

 

The footage starts with BUCKY BARNES kicking the locked door of the janitor’s closet with a loud thud. “ _Fuck_ _you_ , Sam! Let us out!” He punches the door with his metal arm and groans in frustration. The surrounding area consists of shelves filled floor to ceiling with cleaning supplies.

STEVE ROGERS sits calmly on the floor and against the wall. He looks up at BUCKY BARNES silently. “Fuck you, Stark. And Banner, and Odinson, all of you asses!”

The cracked voice of STEPHEN STRANGE echoes throughout the room. BUCKY BARNES looks at the speaker above the door in alarm. “Sorry, guys. You’re not getting out until you talk things through. We—In Tony’s words, we’re _tired_ _of_ _your_ _bitching_. All of us are.”

“What? So you’re gonna keep us trapped here _all_ _day_?!” BUCKY BARNES yells at the speaker.

“No. It won’t take that long.” The audio from the speaker cuts out.

STEVE ROGERS looks down at the floor, fidgeting with his fingers. “Bucky, just calm down, you’re gonna hurt yourself,” he says quietly.

Again, BUCKY BARNES swings at the door with his metal arm.

“Shut up, Stevi— _Steve_. You’re not my mom, alright? You don’t know what’s good for me.”

Despite his anger, BUCKY BARNES accepts defeat and stops abusing the door. He leans his back against it and lets his legs give way, rubbing his face tiredly.

 

—

 

operation: GET THESE IDIOTS BACK TOGETHER  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)  
Peggy Carter (andpeggy)

saturday, 11:01 AM

katniss: ughhhhhhh just how LONG is this gonna take

katniss: they’ve been sitting there in silence for a half hour

rawrimadinothor: Shhh

katniss: i’m not talking tho

wizardsonlyfools: Be patient

falconfratboy: Clint let’s go on a snack run

katniss: :( ok

irondaddy: ooh get me skittles

falconfratboy: Okay I already know what everyone likes so u good

mercwithamouth: guYS SHUT UP I THINK THEYRE TALKING

 

—

 

“My mom is sick,” STEVE ROGERS says thickly, cutting through the tension in the air like a knife through butter.

BUCKY BARNES looks up at the other man with his eyes wide. “Wha—“

“Her cancer...she, uh, it came back, I mean?” He says slowly. “Sh-She isn’t doing great.”

“W—What do you—What do you mean it came back? Steve, you never told me...”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep anything from you.”

“No, I-I just...” BUCKY BARNES frowns deeply. “Fuck, man, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m trying to save more money for her medical treatments,” STEVE ROGERS sighs. “I quit my job at Starbucks, I work at Stark Industries now as an assistant. Tony helped me get that job, obviously. His dad is an ass to deal with, but...it’s better than minimum wage.”

They are met with more silence for a solid minute.

“I can help you pay for it, Steve,” BUCKY BARNES says quietly.

“I can’t let you do tha—“

“Save the chivalry, asshole. You can accept help every once in a while, ya’ know. Stop being so—so...”

STEVE ROGERS looks up, irritated. “So what?”

“So fucking _perfect_ ,” BUCKY BARNES hisses.

STEVE ROGERS allows his head to drop again.

“Bucky?”

“...Yeah?”

“What happened to us?”

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 11:32 AM

katniss: HOLY SJANW SHIT

peterparkour: SHT UP

 

—

 

BUCKY BARNES’ mouth opens but no words come out. STEVE ROGERS looks scared.

“I-Sorry, forget I asked. I get it, we’re over, I should’ve just let it go. I shoulda let it go a long time ago—“

“Shut up, Steve.” BUCKY BARNES cuts in sharply, but immediately drops to a softer tone of voice. “M’Sorry. I’m just stressed out.”

STEVE ROGERS pulls his legs closer to his chest.

“Yeah. I get it.”

More time passes in silence.

 

—

 

operation: GET THESE IDIOTS BACK TOGETHER  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Natasha Romanov (nattytaffy)

saturday, 11:36 AM

greenandmean: Tony why the hell did we not know about this?

irondaddy: ..sorry

 

—

 

“I’m really sorry.”

BUCKY BARNES looks up at the ceiling with a grim expression. “I shoulda—I shoulda tried to be more understanding. I shouldn’t have been so quick to push you away, and then...just, call you when I needed your help. That was low.”

Rolling his head to look at the brunette, STEVE ROGERS exhales slowly. “Bucky...”

“M’ really sorry, Stevie. You deserve someone who knows how to commit to something, and knows how to actually deal with their own shit on their own, and that person isn’t me—“

“Bucky, no.”

“You deserve someone like—fuck, well, he’s a taken man now. But you deserve someone like—“

“Bucky don’t even _start_ with tha—“

“Like _Tony_ _Stark_! Someone who knows what he’s doing, who isn’t a used and damaged _slut_ like me!”

“Okay.” Frowning, STEVE ROGERS throws his hands up in frustration. “I don’t care what you think is happening. Tony and I are over. More over than Victoria Justice’s career.”

“I’m so fucking _stupid_ ,” BUCKY BARNES cracks out.

STEVE ROGERS pushes himself up to his knees and leans to give BUCKY BARNES a hug, who quiets down instantaneously.

After a moment, he pulls away from the embrace and sits back down to his spot against the wall. “Do you remember the first time we kissed?”

BUCKY BARNES stares at STEVE ROGERS with a wet shine in his eyes. “I-You mean...”

“At the quarry,” STEVE ROGERS clarifies. “It was the night before Gamora and Quill’s party. We met at 7-11 and got slushees, and we took my shitty old car to the quarry while listening to Rex Orange County. You remember that?”

“I...yeah, I do, Stevie.”

“And we talked about ourselves, and I told you about all the stars and constellations. They’re so clear from up there, at the cliff. My mom would take me there all the time when I was a kid.”

“I never told you, but...that was my dream date,” BUCKY BARNES says dreamily.

“...Ha. No kidding.”

“And...remember how I told you about how I wanted to live in New York City one day, and how I wanted to leave this shithole town as soon as I could?”

STEVE ROGERS grins. “Of course I do. Then, uh, after that, I asked...”

“You asked me if I would leave all my friends and family behind. And I said yes, as long as it was for something I loved even more—“

“And I kissed you.”

BUCKY BARNES laughs softly. “Yeah, you did.”

“That was one of my favorite nights in my life,” STEVE ROGERS admits. “I couldn’t get enough of you. It was almost unhealthy.”

“Do you think—do you think we could do that again? Th-The date, I mean. We could do it again?”

STEVE ROGERS smiles.

“Of course.”

 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year’s eve kings ily stay safe tonight 
> 
> i hope this was a nice way to end the year?? let me know what u think :))


	37. hotdogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katniss: wow all that and we still have time to suit shop lmao
> 
> wintersmoulder: i still hate you all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first chapter of the new year!! sorry i’m a day late but i just never got around to writing lmao

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 12:30 PM

katniss: wow all that and we still have time to suit shop lmao

wintersmoulder: i still hate you all

peterparkour: sorry uncle bucky

peterparkour: we just want you to be happy

katniss: and u are !!

wintersmoulder: ..i know i’m still just passive aggressive 

wintersmoulder: whatever let’s go where’s sam

nattytaffy: I’m assuming with Clint

wintersmoulder: O

katniss: shut up we’re coming

peterparkour: hahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahshshshahahahhahahahahahha

wintersmoulder: nat are u just gonna go home or do u wanna do ur shopping today w all of us

nattytaffy: I think I’ll tag along

falconfratboy: I’m coming to the parking lot rn

falconfratboy: Sorry i was busy talking to steve

wintersmoulder: ok

wintersmoulder: we have until 6 to go to the mall etc so i have time to get ready

katniss: oh yeah;)))) for your daattttttteeeee

wintersmoulder: i dunno if i’m gonna make a move or anything tho

wintersmoulder: i just wanna /be/ with him not be /with/ him tonight

nattytaffy: Why not?

wintersmoulder: idk i feel like it needs to be more slow burn that that

falconfratboy: I hate you for making me live in a romantic comedy

wintersmoulder: u did that all on your own

katniss: FUCK OFF

 

—

 

saturday, 2:03 PM

falconfratboy: NATASHA HELP

peterparkour: NAT NAT NAT COME OUT OF THE DRESSIGN ROOM RIGHTB. NOW

nattytaffy: What the fuck

falconfratboy: Bucky’s arm just locked up and mall security can’t get him to let go of the bathroom door handle

katniss: y’all bucky is abt to cry i’m 

peterparkour: i just heard a lady say they’re calling the fire department to get him free

katniss: do they know how EXPENSIVE that metal arm is

nattytaffy: Bucky is rich?

katniss: they don’t know that >:)))

nattytaffy: I’m checking out right now

nattytaffy: And I have motor oil in my bag, Peter is taking it to you 

katniss: thank god im not even going to question that

falconfratboy: Babe I swear to god if you don’t take pictures for our stories

katniss: i am i am

wintersmoulder: DID YOU JUST CALL HIM BABE

katniss: WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET YOUR PHONE

peterparkour: DID YOU JUST DROP THE B WORD

peterparkour: AND DID YOU JUST ANSWER TO IT

nattytaffy: Wow

falconfratboy: UNSEND UNSEND UNSEND

katniss: BABE YOU IDI O T

katniss: WAIT NO

wintersmoulder: OH MY GOKDJSJJSJSIWJNSBSNSJAJAJ

 

—

 

saturday, 2:56 PM

falconfratboy: Peter and i are at claire’s btw

nattytaffy: Jojo Siwa headass

nattytaffy: So Bucky Me and Clint are passing by this white hotdog stand guy and he’s on the phone saying the n word

nattytaffy: And faggot so

peterparkour: oh no

nattytaffy: Bucky and Clint are about to pretend to start a conversation with him until he says something offensive so they can make a move

falconfratboy: ..Update us if they die

nattytaffy: No promises

 

—

 

saturday, 3:15

nattytaffy: I have good news and bad news

falconfratboy: What

nattytaffy: Good news- Bucky and Clint aren’t dead

falconfratboy: Bad news?

nattytaffy: They’re under custody at the police station for beating up a hotdog stand guy

falconfratboy: i’m so proud

peterparkour: omg what 

falconfratboy: Why didn’t u tell us earlier

nattytaffy: I was trying to talk to the police and convince them to not charge them for assault and battery, thank you very much

peterparkour: should we go follow them there??

nattytaffy: No, I have to buy shoes first

falconfratboy: Lmao

peterparkour: what did the guy say tho

nattytaffy: Said ‘yeah, my uncle is having a wedding and marrying a dude pretending to be a chick. I told him that I don’t support fags so I’m not go—‘ and then Clint tackled him

falconfratboy: I am so proud of my guy

peterparkour: eyes emoji

nattytaffy: Eyes emoji

falconfratboy: You can’t just type out ‘eyes emoji’ instead of using the emoji

nattytaffy: We just did.

peterparkour: boom boom clap

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 6:44 PM

starspangledsteve: Guys I need opinions should I wear the windbreaker or letterman jacket or what

greenandmean: Not gonna lie you look hot in the windbreaker, I’d smash

rawrimadinothor: For once in your life don’t smash

irondaddy: yeah that’s good you’ll look like a stud

starspangledsteve: Natasha just called me and said that Bucky would be a few minutes late because he got arrested earlier

peterparkour: i was there!! check snap

starspangledsteve: Oof I gotta see this

irondaddy: wait steve

starspangledsteve: Yes Tony

irondaddy: i’m really proud of u :^)

starspangledsteve: Thank you

greenandmean: Hey babe who’s loki texting

rawrimadinothor: Idk it’s been ALL DAY

irondaddy: wow did the seductive lord of mischief hook someone

rawrimadinothor: No idea he won’t talk to me

rawrimadinothor: He’s still mad about his knife even though we got it for him 

irondaddy: my day is going better than yours lol

rawrimadinothor: Alright how are you doing then

irondaddy: i’m great thanks for asking 

irondaddy: me and stephen are watching that old movie called weird science and making fun of how sexist it is

greenandmean: Tony, you literally look identical to one of the douchey white bullies in that movie

irondaddy: stephen said that too i literally see no resemblance 

greenandmean: [(literallyacloneoftony.png)](https://goo.gl/images/VZjDMv)

irondaddy: we look nothing alike??????

peterparkour: i just had an existential crisis you look exactly like that guy ???

rawrimadinothor: Stark you look like him

irondaddy: cowards

peterparkour: i love weird science tho it’s so wholesome

peterparkour: the main characters remind me of my inner turmoil and need for validation from my peers

greenandmean: What does this mean

irondaddy: i love my wizard husband don’t talk to me

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 11:04 PM

wintersmoulder: i hate my sister she sucks

katniss: w

wintersmoulder: nathing she just KISSED A BOY AT SCHOOL and didn’t tell me about it

nattytaffy: How was your date?

wintersmoulder: oh yeah it was fun

wintersmoulder: we didn’t make out or anything but we snuggled on the roof of his car while blasting cavetown

peterparkour: AW WHOLESOME

katniss: awwww

wintersmoulder: i’m just praying that homecoming will be eventful ig

wintersmoulder: and on monday they’re announcing the nominations for king queen princess and prince get ready thots

katniss: o lets bet and see if bucky is nominated

nattytaffy: I’m positive I’m nominated for queen but I don’t want to be

katniss: tsk tsk tsk nat you’re like the most popular girl in school of course u are

nattytaffy: Ugh

wintersmoulder: i’m probably nominated but ion really care that much

wintersmoulder: more clout for me

peterparkour: if nat and bucky win king and queen then i will suffer from cardiac arrest

nattytaffy: Me too

katniss: so have you been talking to wandaaaa

nattytaffy: Have you been blowing Sam?

wintersmoulder: ISJSBABNAJAJAJSKSKJS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who do u think loki is texting >:3c


	38. sugar sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mrmischief: also i stole ur lube thank me later
> 
> rawrimadinothor: Great thanks a lot
> 
> greenandmean: There goes my plans
> 
> helayeahman: i hate this fucking family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my memes are ironic and my depression is chronic

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:   
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

sunday, 10:29 AM

irondaddy: IM AWAKE

greenandmean: No one asked

irondaddy: wow really

irondaddy: stevie how did your date go then

starspangledsteve: It was good

rawrimadinothor: Did thou not have a good time?

starspangledsteve: Yes I did it was fun

starspangledsteve: But like, when I got home I didn’t feel smitten like before, I just felt happy

irondaddy: ...that’s good?? 

greenandmean: It could have been worse though?

starspangledsteve: It was great I don’t know what you want me to say

irondaddy: alr sorry

greenandmean: Sorry

starspangledsteve: It’s okay I didn’t mean it in a passive aggressive way

starspangledsteve: You know i’m incapable of that

greenandmean: Honestly, yeah

starspangledsteve: Thank you tony

starspangledsteve: And tell stephen thanks too

irondaddy: no problem sweet cheeks

 

—

 

operation homecoming crashers   
members:  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

sunday, 3:54 PM

toomuchscotty: btw i got the cart 

toomuchscotty: the most expensive golf cart i’ve ever rented for a night

peterparkour: how much

toomuchscotty: too much i don’t wanna talk about it

mrmischief: broke bitch now huh

toomuchscotty: whatever odinson you literally own a region in norway

mrmischief: i’m adopted and overlooked scott everything goes to thor and hela

mercwithamouth: then where do you get your money mr hiddleston 

toomuchscotty: ????

peterparkour: who the hell

mrmischief: it’s called a sugar daddy ever heard of it

toomuchscotty: oh shit no way

irondaddy: FINALLY

mrmischief: not a word you hooligans

peterparkour: don’t worry!! we won’t tell a soul

mrmischief: i already know that bucky and his cult will know so go ahead peter

peterparkour: OKAY THANK GOD I WOULD HAVE DIED

irondaddy: and we just have to hijack the paint from the art room 

irondaddy: i have a key to the studio from steve so we’ll get all of it the night of hoco

falconfratboy: That’s fine

mercwithamouth: 16 candles is iconic but 13 going on 30 is way better at the romance slow burn 

mrmischief: where did this come from

mercwithamouth: i was watching it with petey the other night and like. meh

toomuchscotty: RETWEET

irondaddy: weird science is so much better imo

falconfratboy: Honestly bruce looks so much like the guy from 13 going on 30

irondaddy: (victoria justice voice) i think we ALL look like characters from movies

mrmischief: yikes we don’t talk about her here

falconfratboy: Sigh

falconfratboy: Why am i organizing this prank again

mercwithamouth: looks like you need a distraction from something/someone and decided to turn your attention to occupying your time and thoughts towards this prank instead of facing your problems head on

falconfratboy: First of all

irondaddy: the weirdo’s right you seem distracted sam

toomuchscotty: (whatsonyourmind.gif)

mrmischief: i feel the love in this denny’s tonight

falconfratboy: I feel ganged up on

irondaddy: that’s okay pretty thang we won’t pry

irondaddy: at least wade and loki and i won’t, can’t speak for scott

toomuchscotty: rude

falconfratboy: I just have a lot of stuff on my mind there’s no reason i’m trying to ‘distract myself’

mercwithamouth: i guess my hunch was wrong then

mercwithamouth: or is it

irondaddy: wade go fuck my cousin 

mercwithamouth: u don’t have to tell me twice gotta blast

toomuchscotty: wow i sure do wonder what the wizards of waverly place chat is up to right about now

toomuchscotty: shall we loki

mrmischief: indeed we shall

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

sunday, 4:01 PM

peterparkour: (screenshot.png)

peterparkour: LOKI GOT A SUGAR DADDY????? (NOT CLICKBAIT) (GONE SEXUAL) (POLICE CALLED) (ALMOST DIED)

wintersmoulder: oh.my. god

nattytaffy: You can hear my cackling from across the city

katniss: good for him honestly i’ve always pictured loki as a sugar baby

falconfratboy: Why are you even picturing him as a sugar baby in the first place

katniss: idk. the sport

wintersmoulder: i wonder if thor knows

peterparkour: i doubt he does

nattytaffy: Ladies and gentlemen 

katniss: WE GOT EM

 

—

 

wizards of waverly place  
members:  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

sunday, 4:44 PM

wandawoman: I got my dress today it’s so pretty!!!

wizardsonlyfools: Pics

wandawoman: [(thedress.png)](https://goo.gl/images/DNBLWa)

mrmischief: hot

wizardsonlyfools: The neckline compliments your figure

wandawoman: Thank you stephen

toomuchscotty: that’s so cuteee

wandawoman: What is hope wearing?

toomuchscotty: IM GLAD YOU ASKED

mrmischief: QUICK REMOVE HIM BEFORE HE SPAMS US WITH AN OVERLY DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF THE DRESS

wizardsonlyfools removed toomuchscotty from the chat

wizardsonlyfools: I just saw Bucky’s mother at the store and I have a feeling she’s a clone of her son

wandawoman: In what context

wizardsonlyfools: A flirt

wizardsonlyfools: I truly feel like I just got hit on by Bucky Barnes

mrmischief: lmao

wandawoman: I can’t wait to see what natasha is wearinggg

mrmischief: i’m sure if you were to ask peter he would know

wandawoman: I’ll ask him tomorrow

wandawoman: I’m so excited I just hope there’s no huge prank this year 

wizardsonlyfools: What happened last year? I forgot

mrmischief: pffff yeah i sure hope there’s no huge prank this year lol

wandawoman: Last year they wouldn’t let us go back into the building during the parade because someone decided to lead 4 cows inside

wandawoman: There was cow shit everywhere

mrmischief: how amateur

wizardsonlyfools: Oh I remember that 

wandawoman: Loki what are you hiding

mrmischief: well i can tell you we’re sticking to the theme of barnyard animals this year if u know what i’m saying

wizardsonlyfools: ...”we”

wandawoman: Oh dear

wizardsonlyfools: If you get goats this year I swear to god

mrmischief: ew no goats im not that unsophisticated 

wizardsonlyfools added toomuchscotty to the chat

toomuchscotty: AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNING AND I STEP OUTSIDE AND I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND I GET REAL HIGH AND I

wandawoman: Oh goodness

mrmischief: ughhshshshhshah

 

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

sunday, 9:37 PM

helayeahman: excuse me rat boy where the fuck are you going

helayeahman: i’m responsible for you past 3pm u can’t just leave

mrmischief: aww are you worried about me princess

helayeahman: no

mrmischief: i’m going out

mrmischief: don’t expect me back before midnight

rawrimadinothor: What where are you going brother?

mrmischief: o u t

greenandmean: Loki

mrmischief: banner

greenandmean: Odinson

mrmischief: bruce

greenandmean: Just tell them, there’s no reason for the secretion

helayeahman: wait how the hell does bruce know and your own older sister doesn’t

mrmischief: i’m adopted btw

mrmischief: i don’t even know how he knows but anything is possible at this point

rawrimadinothor: Loki you did not

mrmischief: yep

helayeahman: ??????

rawrimadinothor: Loki got a sugar daddy

greenandmean: A real life sugar daddy

helayeahman: oh my fucking thanos

mrmischief: whatever sit on your ass all day bitch i’m getting out and making coin

helayeahman: no i’m not disgusted i’m surprisingly proud what does this mean

rawrimadinothor: Its called love!!

helayeahman: not to show emotions but holy shit

mrmischief: yeah yeah well don’t wait up for me

mrmischief: if u think someone is breaking in or smth it’s probably me

greenandmean: K

rawrimadinothor: Loki it’s a school night:((

mrmischief: don’t worry about it i’ll be back before morning

rawrimadinothor: Be safe and use proper judgement 

mrmischief: k

mrmischief: also i stole ur lube thank me later

rawrimadinothor: Great thanks a lot

greenandmean: There goes my plans

helayeahman: i hate this fucking family

 

—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m seriously debating on ending this fic when we get to homecoming,, i probably won’t but my reasons are
> 
> 1) it would be a great ending that would wrap everything up but still leaves a chunk of the story to the imagination 
> 
> 2) i don’t want to continue it past hoco, get bored of writing sfea, and abandon it without a proper ending
> 
> i doubt i’ll carry through with ending the series anytime soon, i still have a lot that i want to do, but i just wanna know what u guys think


	39. tentacle porn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> starspangledsteve: He fell asleep on my shoulder after saying how much he appreciates and loves me but like it’s whatever right?
> 
> starspangledsteve: Normal friends do that all the time
> 
> greenandmean: Depends. What movie were you watching?
> 
> starspangledsteve: But I’m a cheerleader
> 
> irondaddy: oh my god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i’m late by like 3 days y’all i’ve been writing the homecoming chapters and completely forgot about this one lol

dirty gang  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Peter Quill (daddyquill)

monday, 8:28 AM

toomuchscotty: i’d just like to say it’s been an honor flying with you boys

katniss: what brought this up

toomuchscotty: i have this strange feeling as if the end is near

daddyquill: that’s just you feeling shitty

mercwithamouth: bold of you to assume scott doesn’t feel shitty every day

toomuchscotty: ... yeah lmao

katniss: hey quill i;))) heard ur nominated for king

daddyquill: drax nominated me i’m gonna kill him

mrmischief: so far thor, bucky, quill, tony, and steve are in the running

mrmischief: shuri told me that bucky has the most votes so far

mercwithamouth: who the hell wouldn’t have guessed that???

mercwithamouth: bucky looks like young sexy jesus if jesus were a beautiful gruff muscley metal armed daddy with ptsd

katniss: guys gals and non binary pals i am truly disgusted ^tm

mercwithamouth: it’s okay barton i know you have a boner for the other wilson, you’re not in the place to judge who i think is hot or not

mrmischief: oooooooooooooohhhhhhh

katniss: you’re a basket case, wade

mercwithamouth: you love it

daddyquill: COUGH COUGH OH SHIt i forgot my wallet in ms purcell’s class!

daddyquill: oh fuck my condoms were in there

mercwithamouth: i found it in a desk

daddyquill: can u give it to me at lunch

mercwithamouth: fuck that i’ll just give it to you now

daddyquill: r u sure

mercwithamouth: yes i’m sure don’t make me beg

mercwithamouth: unless you’re into that of course ;))))))

daddyquill: yeah no i’ll meet you in the bathroom in 5 minutes if u steal my money i’ll kill u

mercwithamouth: it’s ok i don’t really have any need for a ruby tuesday gift card and $4 cash

mrmischief: BABAHAHAHHAHAH

daddyquill: (middlefinger.png)

 

—

 

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 1:11 PM

irondaddy: bruce are u ok with adopting

greenandmean: What do you mean

irondaddy: i found..

irondaddy: another science bro

greenandmean: Go ahead

peterparkour: yesyesyesyes yes yes

irondaddy added areyoushuriaboutthat to the chat

peterparkour: JAJJAJSJSJS

areyoushuriaboutthat: DO YOU KNOE THE WAE

irondaddy: TO WHERE

areyoushuriaboutthat: UR MOM

irondaddy: NO

greenandmean: Jesus Christ there are 3 of them

peterparkour: SHURI

areyoushuriaboutthat: YES PETER

peterparkour: LETS GO PRANK TCHALLA IN STUDY HALL

areyoushuriaboutthat: LETS GO

irondaddy: I WANNA GO

greenandmean: Tony we have to work on the carbon dating project at study hall

irondaddy: :( but bullying tchalla

greenandmean: No

irondaddy: finneeeeeee

greenandmean: You can bully T’Challa with T-Poses after school when you finish the thesis

irondaddy: yayayayuayayayayyayayay :))))))))))

irondaddy: ily bruceyyyyyyyyyyyy

areyoushuriaboutthat: SLED GANG

peterparkour: SLED GANG

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 4:07 PM

wintersmoulder: everyone keeps asking why i look so tired

peterparkour: why do you tho ??

katniss: omg tell him i’ll die

wintersmoulder: my parents are trying for a baby

peterparkour: (chokes on water)

peterparkour: WHATSGEG

wintersmoulder: and my room is right next to theirs so i can hear. e v e r y t h i n g.

wintersmoulder: my sister’s room is at the end of the hall so she doesn’t understand the pain i can’t do this anymore

peterparkour: bucky oh my god

falconfratboy: Then sleep over at someone else’s house

wintersmoulder: petey can i sleep over please i’m about to combust

peterparkour: i’m sorry uncle bucky:( may’s been pretty weird about that stuff ever since i fought ajax like a month ago

wintersmoulder: fuck

wintersmoulder: sam blease

falconfratboy: Sorry dude I’m staying with clint later

wintersmoulder: ew gross nevermind then

wintersmoulder: wait where’s natasha she’ll be down

nattytaffy: You know I’d say yes in any other circumstances

wintersmoulder: :( why not

nattytaffy: I’m going to Wanda’s cheer practice later, then I’m taking her home

falconfratboy: Oh damn, nat’s getting it

nattytaffy: I’m not ‘getting it’ I’m just taking my girlfriend home

katniss: HOLY SHIT

peterparkour: HOLY SHIZA

falconfratboy: ^^

nattytaffy: Die peasants

wintersmoulder: great now i’m having even less of a good day

katniss: u could always ask..ur boyfriend

wintersmoulder: he’s not my boyfriend !! we’re only at the talking stage

wintersmoulder: ..again

katniss: i’m getting serious deja vu rn

falconfratboy: Vietnam flashbacks****

katniss: u always know just what to say BABE

falconfratboy: Only for you BABE

wintersmoulder: i’m on the verge of tears rn

nattytaffy: Does anyone have any idea how Steve’s mom is doing right now?

wintersmoulder: funny story actually

wintersmoulder: this morning tony and i banded together to convince steve to let us help with the hospital bills and his rent so he’d be able to afford to go to college

wintersmoulder: and tony may or may not be paying for all steve’s tuition fees in secret

peterparkour: that’s so epic

nattytaffy: Was Steve abrasive about it

wintersmoulder: oh hell yeah he was

wintersmoulder: and his mom is doing better too, she can go home tomorrow

katniss: that’s good!!!!

nattytaffy: Clint are you coming

katniss: yeah On my way!

falconfratboy: AUTOCORRECT

katniss: SHUTBUP

wintersmoulder: o is clit going with u

katniss: Yup we’re gonna hang out and cheer on the cheerleaders

nattytaffy: If you start trying to coach them again I will kill you

wintersmoulder: ‘uM sWeEtie yOU NeEd to TiGhtEN yOur rhYTHm’

katniss: that annoying chick was seriously lagging it was irritating to watch and wanda was trying to correct her but like in the nice way that she does so i had to take initiative

falconfratboy: Is that the same girl who’s voice literally popped my eardrums at the pep rally

peterparkour: yeah she’s a freshman

falconfratboy: Jesus no wonder

wintersmoulder: sigh

wintersmoulder: well ig i gotta got track down steve gtg

katniss: be safeeeeee

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 6:26 PM

starspangledsteve: I am so stressed out rn

peterparkour: aw why

irondaddy: f

starspangledsteve: Never mind I’m over it

greenandmean: You’re the one who brought it up, man

starspangledsteve: Okay so Bucky is sleeping over tonight

irondaddy: eyes emoji*

starspangledsteve: No we literally just watched a movie and ate pizza

starspangledsteve: He fell asleep on my shoulder after saying how much he appreciates and loves me but like it’s whatever right?

starspangledsteve: Normal friends do that all the time

greenandmean: Depends. What movie were you watching?

starspangledsteve: But I’m a cheerleader

irondaddy: oh my god

greenandmean: Sorry man

rawrimadinothor: That is, in fact, very gay :)

starspangledsteve: I’m going to bed I hate you all

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

monday, 6:30 PM

peterparkour: in case anyone is wondering how bucky’s night is going

peterparkour: (screenshot.png)

katniss: BAHAHAHAHHAHA

falconfratboy: No wonder it’s going so good, they were watching the most iconic lesbian movie ever made

nattytaffy: I’m going on a date with Wanda if she’s actually a killer cheerleader with a hot sexy cheerleader uniform covering her barbed tentacles then please delete my search history

katniss: tentacle porn

peterparkour: TENTACLES

nattytaffy: That is not what I was suggesting

falconfratboy: Imagine a natasha x wanda but i’m a cheerleader au

peterparkour: someone should write that

katniss: save it for the fanfic writers

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

monday, 8:01 PM

mercwithamouth: petey if we don’t win king and queen i will kill a bitch

peterparkour: how aggressive

peterparkour: you wanna come over

mercwithamouth: yes please;))))

peterparkour: :) i love you wade wilson

mercwithamouth: i love u beter barker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT ARE YOUR PREDICTIONS FOR HOCO? I THINK IM GOING TO JUMP RIGHT INTO THURSDAY IN THE NEXT CHAPTER SO WE CAN START HOMECOMING ON FRIDAY
> 
> ITLL PROBABLY BE SPLIT INTO MULTIPLE CHAPTERS


	40. the perks of being a wallflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky hides in ms. hill’s office. clint and nat become cheerleader bag bros. hela joins the homecoming heist. barnes and noble visit steve’s mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOCO DAY BEGINS NEXT CHAPTER!!
> 
> went back to the old summary format this time :^) idk it just felt right

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

thursday, 10:10 AM

wintersmoulder: the hoco hype is real in this denny’s tonight

peterparkour: denny’s..disgusting

wintersmoulder: if i see my face plastered on these halls one more time i will punch myself

wintersmoulder: lets see who your new king is now

nattytaffy: They’re announcing prince and princess at lunch tomorrow

falconfratboy: I hope it’s peter and wade tbh

peterparkour: wade as the princess right

falconfratboy: Yeah obvi

katniss: THE FOOTBALL TEAM IS NOT FUCKING AROUND GUYS

katniss: THEY GOT THHEIR GEAR ON IN CL A S S 

wintersmoulder: holy shit the cheerleaders and band geeks do too

wintersmoulder: ig it’s just because they’re rehearsing everything for the rally today

peterparkour: hey

peterparkour: i was a band geek once

wintersmoulder: o what instrument did u blow

peterparkour: ,,,trumpet

peterparkour: but now i’m relevant or whatever so hjsjsjsjs my marching band days are over

katniss: GUYS I GOT A JOB FOR US

katniss: after school me n nat are gonna help the cheerleaders!!! we’re gonna be bag boys during practice

katniss: natty’s only doing it because wanda kisses her on the cheek whenever she does something helpful

nattytaffy: Shut your trap, Clint

peterparkour: ill totally go

falconfratboy: I will too

wintersmoulder: shit sorry guys i’m gonna go visit steve’s mom after school

wintersmoulder: she wanted to see how i was doing idk why

peterparkour: steve’s mom loves u!!

falconfratboy: She just thinks you’re adorable 

wintersmoulder: i am a lean mean killing machine

katniss: cough cough

katniss: no ur not

wintersmoulder: whatever my point is i’m not gonna be here

nattytaffy: Student council is going insane rn

peterparkour: yeah i jus saw peggy and pepper they’re #big stressed

falconfratboy: Is that why I just heard a feminine british voice just scream ‘WHERE IS THOR ODINSON’ at the jocks down the hall

nattytaffy: I just saw Thor. Him and Bruce are making out in the janitor’s closet as we speak

wintersmoulder: disgusting..love is for losers

nattytaffy: _wintersmoulder: god i want a man ___

__nattytaffy: This was from last week, by the way_ _

__wintersmoulder: i’m emo leave me alone_ _

__peterparkour: omg_ _

__katniss: hey buck are u in study hall rn or_ _

__wintersmoulder: funny story actually i’m hiding in hill’s office and watching the perks of being a wallflower_ _

__katniss: and she hasn’t found you?????_ _

__wintersmoulder: oh nah she’s cool with it she took one look at me and said ‘okay sit down and chill out’_ _

__wintersmoulder: god i’m so fucked_ _

__nattytaffy: Totally not ignoring that fyi_ _

__wintersmoulder: FUCK OFF_ _

__

__—_ _

__

__super mario bros  
members:  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)_ _

__thursday, 10:26 AM_ _

__katniss: hey man..._ _

__katniss: lets talk_ _

__wintersmoulder: ughhahhaahhhhhhhhhh_ _

__wintersmoulder: clint why do we love people who don’t deserve it_ _

__katniss: you just stole that from the perks of being a wallflower_ _

__wintersmoulder: its valid tho i’m having a midlife crisis at 18_ _

__katniss: since u stole the question i’m stealing the answer_ _

__katniss: because we accept the love we think we deserve_ _

__wintersmoulder: nice_ _

__wintersmoulder: i don’t know what to do_ _

__wintersmoulder: i really thought i was over steve, and i thought he was over me too, so i was like ‘oh okay ig we’re just friends now!’ right_ _

__wintersmoulder: and like.i was fine with ignoring him, then it would be the exact same as before i met him at starbucks in october where we could go back to being strangers, because at least he wouldn’t have to worry about me flaking on him_ _

__wintersmoulder: and now we’re hanging out more ever since saturday when we got locked in a damn closet, which isn’t a bad thing at all, because i also wouldn’t mind being friends with him and he’s someone i want in my life even if it’s just seeing him around because i like him a lot!! i might even love him, and now i totally get how tony felt because who wouldn’t fall for that stupid handsome perfect golden retriever man with those broad ass shoulders he could CHOKE me_ _

__katniss: i’m_ _

__wintersmoulder: at the same time i don’t want things to change, i’ve never really been in a real long term relationship that didn’t end with me being thrown off a cliff and losing my arm and i’m scared that i’ll fuck everything up like i always do, and i feel like i’m not enough for anyone and especially not someone like steve_ _

__katniss: are you done yet_ _

__wintersmoulder: yeah_ _

__katniss: look dude i know you’ve been through a lot but i’m not gonna throw a pity party^tm bc i’m not sure u’d appreciate that anyways_ _

__wintersmoulder: yeah no bls don’t_ _

__katniss: you deserve to be happy_ _

__katniss: if that means avoiding steve rogers for the rest of your life ,block that bitch_ _

__katniss: if it means making out w him, do it_ _

__wintersmoulder: he probably hates me_ _

__katniss: god that couldn’t be farther from the truth_ _

__wintersmoulder: can we get high_ _

__katniss: u know i’d say yes_ _

__katniss: but u can’t drown ur sorrows by getting baked every week_ _

__wintersmoulder: hahaha_ _

__wintersmoulder: like a cake_ _

__katniss: miss me w that movie reference shit_ _

__katniss: blease bro just..figure it out?? for my sanity_ _

__katniss: and yours too ofc lol right_ _

__wintersmoulder: sometimes i wonder if youre my only friend clit_ _

__katniss: not if u keep callin me clit i’m not_ _

__wintersmoulder: heart emoji :)_ _

__

__—_ _

__

__the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)_ _

__thursday, 12:39 PM_ _

__helayeahman: so, loki_ _

__helayeahman: what are you doing for homecoming_ _

__mrmischief: sexting the grandmaster all night and spiking the punch with lsd why_ _

__helayeahman: i heard you and a bunch of other twinks were planning something_ _

__helayeahman: i want in_ _

__rawrimadinothor: Holy fuck_ _

__mrmischief: if you know how to operate a crane then go ahead_ _

__helayeahman: this bitch is about to get crashed by the goddess of death_ _

__greenandmean: Sis please don’t_ _

__helayeahman: what choice do i have bruce_ _

__helayeahman: besides it’s ur last hoco don’t you want to end it with a bang_ _

__greenandmean: By ‘bang’ I sincerely hope you don’t mean explosions_ _

__mrmischief: nah no explosives_ _

__mrmischief: i don’t have the warranty_ _

__rawrimadinothor: I’m getting a ride home with Val later_ _

__rawrimadinothor: And I most likely will be absent from home until at least 9 :(_ _

__helayeahman: i’m bringing the megaphone tomorrow_ _

__helayeahman: also i volunteered to chaperone so i can bully freshmen making out in the bathrooms_ _

__rawrimadinothor: Please don’t_ _

__mrmischief: please DO_ _

__greenandmean: Every guy will hit on Hela, you do realize that_ _

__mrmischief: id like to see them leave with all their fingers_ _

__

__—_ _

__

__operation homecoming crashers  
members:  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)_ _

__thursday, 12:57 PM_ _

__mrmischief: gentlemen and wade_ _

__peterparkour: yessum_ _

__toomuchscotty: yes_ _

__mercwithamouth: yes daddy_ _

__mrmischief: i’m being held at gunpoint to announce to you our newest edition_ _

__falconfratboy: Who_ _

__mrmischief: she’s a lean mean killing machine_ _

__mrmischief: once threw a printer at her teacher in 5th grade_ _

__mrmischief: the goddess of death_ _

__toomuchscotty: WHO WHO WHO_ _

__mrmischief added helayeahman to the chat_ _

__falconfratboy: Oh Thank god_ _

__mercwithamouth: FUCK YES_ _

__mercwithamouth: FUCK IT UP KENNETH_ _

__helayeahman: hello bitches i’m here to chaperone your prank and make sure we don’t get caught_ _

__irondaddy: miss odinson its an honor to be in your presence_ _

__helayeahman: i know_ _

__peterparkour: the pranking legend herself.._ _

__peterparkour: i could cry_ _

__falconfratboy: Hang on what else are you bringing to the table other than being a chaperone??_ _

__helayeahman: have you forgotten who i am, boy_ _

__falconfratboy: Fair point welcome to the team super glad to have you_ _

__

__—_ _

__

__barnes and noble  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)_ _

__thursday, 5:11 PM_ _

__starspangledsteve: Thanks again for coming Bucky_ _

__wintersmoulder: anytime_ _

__wintersmoulder: i’m just glad she’s doing better_ _

__starspangledsteve: Yeah, I am too :)_ _

__starspangledsteve: I think she loves you more than me_ _

__wintersmoulder: whats not to love about me tho_ _

__starspangledsteve: Nothing_ _

__starspangledsteve: I mean like there’s nothing to hate so_ _

__wintersmoulder: haha thanks dude_ _

__starspangledsteve: Sorry I wasn’t thinking_ _

__wintersmoulder: ur good stevie_ _

__wintersmoulder: ur mom is so different than mine it’s scary_ _

__wintersmoulder: do u still have the condoms she gave you because if u do. i’ll sob i stg_ _

__starspangledsteve: ...Yeah in my drawer under my sketchbooks but don’t tell anyone_ _

__wintersmoulder: LMAO_ _

__wintersmoulder: thanks for bein so great to me steve:))_ _

__starspangledsteve: Thanks for being there in the first place_ _

__wintersmoulder: i’ll see ya tomorrow_ _

__starspangledsteve: You too_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as i said on my instagram, thank you guys for sticking around as i begin to wrap things up on skate fast eat ass. writing this monster has been one hell of a ride and i can’t thank you enough.
> 
> what i can tell you is that it’s not over for the kids. ever wonder what’ll happen when all the seniors leave for college?


	41. 777 gods cologne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wintersmoulder: ITS HOMECOMING DAY BITCHES
> 
> wintersmoulder: GET FUCKING UP AND READY WE’RE SMOKING THIS BITCH OUT
> 
> mrmischief: fuck offffffffffff
> 
> mrmischief: i got fcukin. hAMMERED last night by the grandmaster lmao broke as s
> 
> rawrimadinothor: Brother please don’t share your sexcapades with the world :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u can’t tell..hoco is gonna be broken up into multiple chapters

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 5:31 AM

wintersmoulder: HOCO DAY HOCO DAY

wintersmoulder: THIS IS NOT A FUCKINGN DRILL CHOP CHOP LETS GO PEOPLE

peterparkour: IM SO READY

wintersmoulder: EVERYONEGRAB YOUR SHIT!! WE’RE LEAVING OUR CLOTHES IN SAM’S CAR LETS GO

nattytaffy: I just woke up. Don’t talk to me before my coffee

falconfratboy: Nat you don’t drink coffee...

nattytaffy: I know.

wintersmoulder: ITS HOCO TIME BITCHES

katniss: is it morning

falconfratboy: Guys bet bucky is waiting outside my house fully groomed and awake and honking the ferrari

wintersmoulder: LOOK OUTSIDE

falconfratboy: Holy shit

nattytaffy: I can’t find my necklace hang on

wintersmoulder: it might be in the right side of the closet that’s where i saw it last week

nattytaffy: Oh you’re right. I’m just so tired I can’t tell the difference between a diamond necklace and a whip

peterparkour: you have whips in your closet

nattytaffy: You don’t?

wintersmoulder: CARPOOL IN 30 MINUTES!!!! LETS GO JOJO SIWA CULT

 

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

friday, 5:38 AM

wintersmoulder: ITS HOMECOMING DAY BITCHES

wintersmoulder: GET FUCKING UP AND READY WE’RE SMOKING THIS BITCH OUT

mrmischief: fuck offffffffffff

mrmischief: i got fcukin. hAMMERED last night by the grandmaster lmao broke as s

rawrimadinothor: Brother please don’t share your sexcapades with the world :(

irondaddy: IM WITH BARNES ON THIS ONE LETS GO ASSHOLES

rawrimadinothor: That means I have to go to football practice all day until the dance

rawrimadinothor: We’re going against DC high because we couldn’t find an easy opponent quick enough

wizardsonlyfools: Yikes don’t die on the field

wintersmoulder: WHO’S NOT GOING

irondaddy: I SPEAK FOR THE TREES.E V E R Y O N E IS COMING

wintersmoulder: EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME SKATE FAST

katniss: SKATE FAST

irondaddy: SKATE FUCKING FAST

greenandmean: ...Skate fast?

starspangledsteve: SKATE FAST

peterparkour: SKATE FAST

mercwithamouth: SKATE FAST BITCH

wintersmoulder: NOW SAY IT WITH ME !EAT ASS

rawrimadinothor: EAT ASS

wizardsonlyfools: Eat ass

falconfratboy: EAT ASS

nattytaffy: Eat ass

mrmischief: eat a s s

wintersmoulder: GET RICH QUICK

wintersmoulder: LETS GO

falconfratboy: WOOOOOO

 

—

 

operation homecoming crashers  
members:  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)

friday, 7:37 AM

toomuchscotty: m so tired

toomuchscotty: i spent like 6 hours trying to finish my essay last night

toomuchscotty: but YAY HOMECOMING ITS GAME DAY PEOPLE

mercwithamouth: my stunt man is about to fuck you up

irondaddy: so we’re agreed on what each of us will be doing tonight right

irondaddy: here i’ll paste it frm my notes just in case no one got the memo

helayeahman: yep

irondaddy: while scott and wade stay outside and hide on the roof where the flag is to update us on the wonder twins and tchalla, petey and i will stay inside while they’re announcing king and queen at 10 just to make sure everything goes smoothly

irondaddy: hela and loki will be inside, taking all the sad poultry bird cluckers to the roof. once sam takes the bags of cornmeal from the shed to the third floor via the golf cart loaded with confetti canons he can go inside and do whatever with his boy toy clint

irondaddy: hela and loki fly the drone overhead so we know what we’re doing

irondaddy: of course we’re down to improvise if need be but. that’s it

falconfratboy: Sounds like a plan

mercwithamouth: this is gonna be so fi

mrmischief: i’ve come to realize that we really haven’t discussed this plan at all

mrmischief: but we all radiate so much chaos that it just comes naturally

irondaddy: fax no printer

peterparkour: PETER PARKER LOVES WADE WILSON

mercwithamouth: WADE WILSON LOVES PETER PARKER

irondaddy: GET OUT. GET OUT RIGHT NOW

mrmischief: NOW

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 12:07 PM

nattytaffy: Clint Barton I will fuck you up

falconfratboy: What’d he do this time

nattytaffy: This little bitch voted for me

katniss: bold of u to assume we all didn’t

wintersmoulder: CLINT

wintersmoulder: IT WAS A SECRET

peterparkour: natty we can explain blease

nattytaffy: What. the. fuck.

falconfratboy: Nat please

nattytaffy: Why the hell would you vote for me when you know I don’t want to win

wintersmoulder: u deserve it!!

wintersmoulder: besides other than like valkyrie no one else really deserved it

katniss: trust us nat if pepper ran then we would totally vote for her but she’s apparently too good to be queen

peterparkour: she’s above that

falconfratboy: Wbk

nattytaffy: Whatever

nattytaffy: Your asses will be lucky if I don’t pull a heathers tonight and blow up the school

nattytaffy: Oh god what if Wanda pulls a Carrie and this was all part of her plan I’m going to kill you Clint

katniss: RUN

falconfratboy: Hey I need opinions should we use ‘suck this dicc, thanos’ or ‘the school staff is corrupt’

wintersmoulder: the first one, school staff eludes to hill coulson and fury but they’re not corrupt they’re just dumb adults trying their best

wintersmoulder: guys..this is our last homecoming before college

katniss: r.i.p. i’m not ready

peterparkour: its not mine tho:/

peterparkour: i don’t know what i’m gonna do when u all leave next year,, you’re the best friends i’ve ever had

katniss: aw :((((((((

falconfratboy: Me neither, i can’t imagine a life without you guys fucking everything up

wintersmoulder: i haven’t even started filling in applications for college is that bad

peterparkour: i already started

katniss: u see this shit applejack

katniss: peter is already starting and he’s 3 years younger than us

nattytaffy: I doubt I’ll go anywhere very far

nattytaffy: In fact I’m thinking about going to Shield university

peterparkour: woah that’s like.. 10 mins from here

nattytaffy: Yup

wintersmoulder: i might apply there but i have my eye on nyu

wintersmoulder: but idk. i’m only depending on there as a backup plan if rumlow ever tries to find me when i graduate

falconfratboy: Bucky when we’re in college there is nothing holding us back from killing that guy

peterparkour: or!! idk!!! going to jail!!!!

peterparkour: but yeah honestly you could just make it look like a suicide

wintersmoulder: guys we should get boba later

wintersmoulder: its been a while

peterparkour: the last time we went to boba was the day you all adopted me as one of ur own :(

falconfratboy: I’m getting way too depressed way too quickly let’s talk about something other than moving on

wintersmoulder: boba

falconfratboy: I’m down

katniss: babe do u have my cologne at ur place

falconfratboy: Yea you left it last time

katniss: m snatching it back i miss my 777 GODS cologne

wintersmoulder: gasp

peterparkour: a d a m

katniss: guys i’m a church boy

wintersmoulder: really i thought u and sam had no time for jesus ;)))))

falconfratboy: You’re not wrong

peterparkour: sometimes i wish wade were a church boy™

nattytaffy: Wanda is jewish

wintersmoulder: soUnDs fReAkY (flushed face emoji x5)

nattytaffy: You’re single shut up

wintersmoulder: u wound me nat..ur not wrong tho

katniss: THATS IT GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE

wintersmoulder: THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

 

—

 

MY SALAD  
members:  
Shuri (areyoushuriaboutthat)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 1:57 PM

areyoushuriaboutthat: I’d totally hack the votes for barnes if you said the word

peterparkour: nah

peterparkour: bucky has a lot of relationship issues i don’t wanna add to that

areyoushuriaboutthat: Okaay pete if you say so

areyoushuriaboutthat: Wanna hear some bullshit

peterparkour: u know it

areyoushuriaboutthat: I have to stay at the school until midnight because t’challa has to help set up

areyoushuriaboutthat: But i will probably just sit in the teacher’s lounge and eat chips while crying

peterparkour: id totally join you but i’m going home with the breakfast club:/

peterparkour: do u know if anyone is gonna bring weed

areyoushuriaboutthat: No but i know we’re renting a snow cone truck so look forward to that

peterparkour: yusssss

 

—

 

Student Council Trio  
members:  
Pepper Potts (saltandpepper)  
Peggy Carter (andpeggy)  
T’Challa (freshprinceofbelair)

friday, 2:34 PM

saltandpepper: Peggy did you pay the photographer yet?

andpeggy: Funny story

andpeggy: He started hitting on me so I kicked him out and told him to fuck off

freshprinceofbelair: Oh my god

saltandpepper: Well where are we going to get a photographer now

freshprinceofbelair: We could ask the one senior who sells marijuana behind Denny’s

saltandpepper: Who? Eddie Brock?

freshprinceofbelair: I believe that’s the one

freshprinceofbelair: My sister told me he dabbled a bit

andpeggy: I guess we have no other option

andpeggy: I’ll ask his friend Anne

saltandpepper: I haven’t been this stressed out since prom

andpeggy: I thought it was when Tony went missing for a week in freshman year and came back knowing the entire french language

saltandpepper: That’s a close second

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO THEYRE TOTALLY GONNA PLAY COME ON EILEEN AT THE DANCE


	42. china

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wintersmoulder: i can’t tie a tie someone blease help me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m a day late sorry i have to help my school with cheer tryouts all week :/

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 3:32 PM

wintersmoulder: SCHOOLS OUT LETS HIT THE TOWN

falconfratboy: Coming rn

nattytaffy: The dirty gang is back at it again

wintersmoulder: yup they’re gonna blow up the quarry apparently 

katniss: fun!!!

katniss: AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNING AND I STEP OUTSIDE

katniss: AND I TAKE A DEEP BREATH,

peterparkour: AND I GET REAL HIGH AND I 

nattytaffy: I’m gonna stop you right there chief

wintersmoulder: poor thor honestly he has to get ready for the game like all afternoon

peterparkour: ik:( bruce is really emo and he’s hanging out with tony ,the wizards,steve and rhodey

wintersmoulder: wow i jus realized that rhodey really doesn’t use his phone that often

katniss: yeah i’m not in a single chat w him

nattytaffy: He said his phone is distracting and everyone is annoying

nattytaffy: Plus his keyboard is broken 

falconfratboy: O

wintersmoulder: anyways LETS GO GET BOBA AND GET READY WOOO

peterparkour: IM BRINGING MY CHEESE

 

—

 

dirty gang  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Peter Quill (daddyquill)

friday, 4:05 PM

mrmischief: i brought the fireworks

toomuchscotty: HELL YEAH

mercwithamouth: where’s daddy

mrmischief: oh quill is busy having a huge orgy with the guardians of the galaxy 

mercwithamouth: what about daddy

mrmischief: he’s in a gangbang with the breakfast club 

toomuchscotty: ig it’s just us tonight boys ;))))

mrmischief: wade did you bring the popcorn

mercwithamouth: u know it

mrmischief: alright remember plan a) if the cops come we run to the car and you two pretend to make out while i hide on the floor and record it

mrmischief: plan b) we use wade as a human shield if we get shot at

toomuchscotty: LETS GET THIS BREAD

mercwithamouth: IM OMW 

 

—

 

friday, 4:27 PM

katniss: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL DOING????

katniss: WE HEARD EXPLOSIONS ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN?????

mrmischief: NNOTHING

mercwithamouth: RUN ASSWIPE

mrmischief: THE CAR IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WOODS WHAT DO YOU WANT

daddyquill: wow my wig

toomuchscotty: SKAJSHEUEIWISKSODPRO

katniss: blease do plan a

mrmischief: WE’LL SEE THERE ARE SIRENS DOWN THE ROAD

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 4:29 PM

starspangledsteve: Peter what was that

peterparkour: what was what

starspangledsteve: The explosion coming from the quarry was that you guys or what

irondaddy: who else would it be

peterparkour: oh that wasn’t us this time, it was the dirty gang

peterparkour: wade loki and peter are having a before party 

greenandmean: Why am I not surprised 

starspangledsteve: Are they dead

peterparkour: possibly

irondaddy: lets not rule anything out here

peterparkour: uhhahaha i should ask wade if he’s okay

irondaddy: get ur man

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

friday, 4:36 PM

peterparkour: babey:/

peterparkour: babe are you okay

mercwithamouth: pls don’t be mad at me :(((

peterparkour: what did you do this time wade

mercwithamouth: i don’t wanna say you’ll be mad at mw

peterparkour: i’ll be even madder if you don’t tell me

peterparkour: did you start a forest fire???

mercwithamouth: no

mercwithamouth: i kinda maybe made out with scott to get the police off our trail

mercwithamouth: and loki may or may not have recorded it

peterparkour: was there tongue

mercwithamouth: yes

peterparkour: was it longer than 30 seconds

mercwithamouth: id say it was about 20

peterparkour: did you have your shirts on

mercwithamouth: nno 

mercwithamouth: it was part of the affect

peterparkour: you’re okay wade

peterparkour: but this means i get a hall pass to make out with zendaya if i ever meet her and she swoons for me

mercwithamouth: deal

mercwithamouth: so you heard the explosion 

peterparkour: china heard the explosion

peterparkour: we heard it all the way from the boba store and clint was so scared he fell on the floor

mercwithamouth: nice

mercwithamouth: i can’t wait to see you later handsomeeeee:^))

peterparkour: i’ll see you at the pep rally <3

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 6:04 PM

katniss: WHERES MY COLOGNE

falconfratboy: Idk it’s somewhere on my desk

katniss: NO ITS NOT

katniss: IVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE

wintersmoulder: that’s because i moved it??????

wintersmoulder: check your backpack clint

katniss: ...i found it

peterparkour: lol

nattytaffy: Sam, does your mom know?

falconfratboy: As far as she’s concerned i’m a straight man-hoe

katniss: u are tho???

falconfratboy: She’s not wrong

wintersmoulder: im so confused rn

falconfratboy: Clint is an exception that’s all

katniss: i feel so special thank you sammy i’m absolutely swooning uwu if i were a woman i’d want all ur babies

nattytaffy: I was asking because she casually told me that she thinks you have a secret girlfriend and I almost started bawling

peterparkour: PFFFTT

wintersmoulder: this. this is beautiful 

wintersmoulder: i can’t tie a tie someone blease help me

peterparkour: bucky you go to fancy work parties all the time

wintersmoulder: my dad does my tie for me

wintersmoulder: i don’t even know how to tie my shoes don’t t a l k to me

falconfratboy: I’ll do it for you dumbass

nattytaffy: Bucky I need you to curl my hair when you’re done

wintersmoulder: got it mamasita

falconfratboy: By the way i never realized how straight bucky can act one second but how gay he can act the next

wintersmoulder: tru

katniss: “yo dawg i’ll POUNd that pu$$y”

wintersmoulder: it was a joke..pussy is gross

nattytaffy: This pussy is gucci

wintersmoulder: GUCCI GANG

 

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

friday, 7:03 PM

irondaddy: y’all wanna see a video of hela and loki across the field using a megaphone telling thor to ‘DROP THE FUCKKNG BALL’ and thor screaming at them to eat shit

wizardsonlyfools: Very

mercwithamouth: yes please

irondaddy: (helaandloki.mov)

greenandmean: The highlight of my year

starspangledsteve: You have had a shit year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly idk how u guys are surviving this long without stucky lmao
> 
> i’m getting drained just writing about it


	43. homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> greenandmean: Is that Loki
> 
> starspangledsteve: What’s he doing
> 
> greenandmean: Leading a herd of chickens into the school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all in the next update i’m gonna completely abandon the concept of this being a group chat fic and like s q u e e z e in just a little bit of bucky’s pov in 3rd person

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

friday, 8:48 PM

wintersmoulder: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN DC HIGH SCHOOL JUST TOOK THE BIGGEST L I HAVE EVER SEEN BUT WHO DIDNT SEE IT COMING

peterparkour: (NOT CLICKBAIT) (POLICE CALLED)

starspangledsteve: I remember touring DC high once

starspangledsteve: Marvel is so much better in all aspects

irondaddy: tfw hela and loki are booing because thor won for us

greenandmean: MY MAN WON

katniss: y’all bruce is using all caps this is big

starspangledsteve: Hype beast hype beast hype beast

falconfratboy: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

katniss: next is the dance bitcheS LETS GO

 

—

 

operation homecoming crashers   
members:  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

friday, 9:02 PM

mrmischief: hela and i have nothing else to live for so we’re gonna start getting the chickens ready for transit

peterparkour: is it because thor won for our school

mrmischief: yes

helayeahman: we wanted him to experience the feeling of failure 

falconfratboy: O

falconfratboy: I found thanos car in the parking lot btw

irondaddy: WHERE

falconfratboy: Next to bucky’s range rover

falconfratboy: you can’t miss it

irondaddy: THATS THE WEIRDEST CAR I HAVE EVER SEEN

toomuchscotty: IT LOOKS LIKE HIS CHIN BUT.PURPLE

irondaddy: [(thanoscar.png)](https://goo.gl/images/c5GGAa)

falconfratboy: Oh my god

toomuchscotty: okay but i still can’t believe hope and i lost to quill and gamora for prince and princess

toomuchscotty: they just got in a fight the other week in the middle of the hallway

mercwithamouth: ILL GET THE CORNMEAL READY

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 9:18 PM

katniss: yall what if i just died right now

katniss: that would be so cool

wintersmoulder: what happened

katniss: i think loki spiked the punch because immfEEling tipsy

nattytaffy: Loki and Hela replaced the fruit punch with red colored vodka

falconfratboy: Drunk clint is suicidal get him out of here

katniss: NO M HABING THE TIME OF MY LIFE

wintersmoulder: focus on the music dickwads they’re playing cupcakke deepthroat

wintersmoulder: you know i’m VERY PASSIONATE about that song

nattytaffy: Why

wintersmoulder: just. dance and have fun

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)

friday, 9:20

wintersmoulder: look thor i know you’re probably making out with bruce in the janitor’s closet rn but i need a small favor

rawrimadinothor: What is it

wintersmoulder: if any of the breakfast club asks where i am, tell them i had to run home because my sister wanted soup from panera and i’ll be back soon

rawrimadinothor: Of course! Drive safe :)

 

—

 

spideypool  
members:  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

friday, 9:29 PM

mercwithamouth: petey where are youuuuuuu

peterparkour: by the snack booth outside

peterparkour: where did u go:( i was lookinh for u

mercwithamouth: i’m sorry petey i was getting the cornmeal from the shed !!!! we’re gonna fill thanos car with it 

peterparkour: that’s so cool

mercwithamouth: i’m coming rn stay where you are i’m gonna kermit suicide

peterparkour: wanna sit on the grass by the snack booth and cry about everyone graduating this year

mercwithamouth: sure

peterparkour: u wanna make out too

mercwithamouth: obviously 

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 9:46 PM

nattytaffy: Has anyone seen Bucky?

falconfratboy: hahhshshshshs Whag

peterparkour: i’m outside with wade and i don’t see him 

peterparkour: nat they’re drunk 

nattytaffy: What the fuck

katniss: BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

katniss: bucky is gettn BUSYY with mmiranda cosgrove huh;))))))))))))))

nattytaffy: I’m asking someone else you’re unbelievably unreliable 

peterparkour: oh i think thorbruce saw him last???? ask them maybe

nattytaffy: Okay

peterparkour: have u guys seen the snow one truck yet

falconfratboy: nnnwoowobb wjjjat

peterparkour: people are taking shots of the syrup 

falconfratboy: IM CMINH

nattytaffy: Thor said that Bucky is getting soup for his sister?

peterparkour: imean you know 13 year old girls and their soup

nattytaffy: ...Yeah

 

—

 

operation homecoming crashers   
members:  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

friday, 9:55 PM

falconfratboy: imMM MAKINH OUT WITH CLINT N THE SHED gO ON W ITHOUT me

mercwithamouth: im keeping and eye on thanos scott i’ll let you know when he goes inside 

toomuchscotty: aww yeah

toomuchscotty: this yeezy chin motherfucker is getting a car full of corn meal

peterparkour: does anyone know where bucky went

irondaddy: there’s NO TIME LETS GO PHASE 2

helayeahman: they’re about to announce king and queen lets go idiots

toomuchscotty: i’m setting off the confetti canons in a min brb

mrmischief: wait no

 

—

 

avengers assemble  
members:   
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

friday, 10:01 PM

irondaddy: btw guys don’t look outside

greenandmean: Is that Loki

starspangledsteve: What’s he doing

greenandmean: Leading a herd of chickens into the school

irondaddy: U WERENT SUPPOSED TO LOOK

rawrimadinothor: Oh my

starspangledsteve: Shut up guys Ms. Hill is about to get on stage

irondaddy: looks like someone wants to see bucky win huh

starspangledsteve: Shut up I’m a supportive friend

irondaddy: right

 

—

 

untitled chatroom  
members:  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

friday, 9:59 PM

irondaddy: yo is my boyfriend with u??? i can’t find him anywhere

irondaddy: if you’re hooking up with stephen istg barnes

 

—

 

super mario bros  
members:  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)

friday, 10:03 PM

katniss: dude where r u

katniss: they’re abt to announce king and queen;)))))

katniss: i stg if u and nat don’t win i will combust 

katniss: btw i bribed shuri with chocolate to ask tchalla who won and.. yeah it’s totally u and nat

katniss: (itsfreerealestate.png)

 

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)

friday, 10:10 PM

katniss added wandawoman and toomuchscotty to the chat

katniss: HOLY FUKCING S H I T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued babey


	44. bone hurting juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> None of this would have happened if Natasha and Clint hadn’t forced Bucky to check out the hot barista at Starbucks. Then Bucky wouldn’t be such a mess, over this dumb kid he used to see hunchbacked with a book bag twice his scrawny size on the verge of snapping like a twig, who came back to school almost 2 feet taller with so much muscle that it’s almost unbelievable he’s not using it for anything. And, well, Bucky’s only human.
> 
> Steve fucking Rogers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i mentioned yesterday i’m ignoring the concept of a group chat fic and putting in some good old fashioned prose rip!! i just wrote this scene out because i wanted to see how it would go but i like it so much that i couldn’t figure out another way to put it in. plus..s t e p h e n

The sound of a car door slamming echoes through the night air.

Bucky looks up from his spot on the side of the bridge, his feet still on the ground but the rest of him twisted to look off into the ravine.

He doesn’t know why he came here in the first place. Maybe it was seeing everyone so damn happy at the dance. Wanda and Nat having their second date, Thor and Bruce being, well, _them_ _,_ Clint and Sam finally getting the balls to just commit and make out, Peter and Wade being fucking stupid and in love, and Tony and Stephen being a power couple. It was almost excruciating to be in the middle of all that, when he can’t even figure his own relationship out.

Go figure it’s Stephen Strange who’s come after him.

“What are you, Cinderella?” he asks blankly.

Bucky doesn’t even look up at him then, instead wiping his face and it’s nonexistent tears before clearing his throat. The cold temperature, fucking November, has made the air so thin that he can’t help but wince at how dry his mouth is. “Were—were they looking for me? I told them I’d be back soon.”

“...No. This is on my own will.”

“Well shit, I’m absolutely swooning for you now.”

There’s a beat of silence where Stephen plops down next to him, running his hands to fix his suit collar. Bucky feels sort of slack next to the other boy; his hair is messily pulled back and his tie is undone in a disheveled fashion, whereas Stephen and his perfectly quaffed hair looks as if he just rolled off the set of The Bachelor. “It’s not safe to sit on the ledge, Strange.”

He looks at Bucky with an unimpressed, raised eyebrow. “You’re the one doing it in the first place.”

Bucky stays silent. He’s beyond arguing at this point.

Stephen sighs, and the other boy wonders why he even went after him if he seems so annoyed, as if Bucky forced him to come after him. “Come on, Barnes, I thought we resolved this last Saturday. Why...why are you sitting here at the edge of a bridge during a school dance? I almost had the wrong idea, for a second.” His concern is logical, Bucky agrees, because from an outsiders perspective...yes, it does look like he was about to kick the bucket.

But he learned his lesson the last time.

“You wouldn’t get it,” he mutters.

“Fuck that. I told you before, you know how much pining bullshit I had to deal with before Tony? You know how often I actually considered giving up and never talking to him again?”

Bucky throws his head back. The moon is above them, a full one, just like the night of him and Steve’s first date, when they stargazed in the quarry for hours. “Stephen—“

“He’s in love with you,” the teen interrupts. “Maybe if you had the guts to admit it, you would be in love with him too.”

“Right,” he says, and Stephen doesn’t argue any further. He must not hear the waver in Bucky’s voice, or if he does, he chooses not to speak on it.

He thinks back on Steve. How does he even begin with Steve Rogers?

He still remembers the first day they met at Starbucks on a shitty Saturday morning after a rainstorm, and how Steve looked as if he’d just pulled an all nighter, the way his under eyes looked so dark that Bucky thought he had a black eye (but in reality, Steve was just bingeing Stranger Things from 6pm until he had to go to work the next morning). Then the next day, when they went to get coffee, and Steve deadass laughed when Bucky ordered a white mocha frappuccino.

Bucky also thinks about the night in the frat house when...well, he really doesn’t even have to say, it’s self explanatory at this point. But everyone has expressed their remorse and they’ve all moved on from that event, including Bucky, so he can’t really complain about it.

None of this would have happened if Natasha and Clint hadn’t forced Bucky to check out the hot barista at Starbucks. Then Bucky wouldn’t be such a mess, over this dumb kid he used to see hunchbacked with a book bag twice his scrawny size on the verge of snapping like a twig, who came back to school almost 2 feet taller with so much muscle that it’s almost unbelievable he’s not using it for anything. And, well, Bucky’s only human.

Steve fucking Rogers.

The dumb kid who’s stronger and more competitive than any asshole on the football team but still refuses to do any sports for the school. The kid who draws and paints in the art classroom during school events that he’s unwillingly dragged to by his friends. The kid with the stupid sharp jawline and perfect hair and stupid beautiful blue eyes.

The kid who made Bucky realize what it’s like to...

Bucky’s eyes widen. He pats Stephen so hard that they both almost fall off the bridge. “Stephen! Stephen!”

“What?” Stephen asks irritably.

“I’m in love with Steve,” he says in a whisper.

“What?!”

He says it louder, almost screaming it, more at himself than anything. “I love Steve! I’m in love with Steve Rogers!”

The other boy’s face changes, but still as unreadable as ever—if Bucky has to take a guess, he’s surprised, more so because he almost got pushed off a bridge seconds before. “Wha—Then go to him, Barnes, you idiot!”

Bucky is already to his feet running to his car only a few feet away, parked on the side of the road. “I’ll see you there,” he yells as he slides into the drivers seat of the Range Rover. Stephen already runs to his own car.

_katniss: dude where r u_

_katniss: they’re abt to announce king and queen;)))))_

_katniss: i stg if u and nat don’t win i will combust_

_katniss: btw i bribed shuri with chocolate to ask tchalla who won and.. yeah it’s totally u and nat_

_katniss: (itsfreerealestate.png)_

______Bucky’s heart physically starts pounding like a drum on acid. He almost crashes his car around 5 times just getting to the school._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i wonder what’s happening next


	45. crowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Uh...first off, I’d like to thank Loki Odinson for telling me that I wouldn’t win against Carol Danvers anyways so don’t bother preparing a speech.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let’s do this gang

—

 

Student Council Trio  
members:  
Pepper Potts (saltandpepper)  
Peggy Carter (andpeggy)  
T’Challa (freshprinceofbelair)

friday, 10:04 PM

saltandpepper: Your majesty

freshprinceofbelair: Yes

saltandpepper: Why the hell is there a banner in front of the school saying ‘succ this dicc thanos’

saltandpepper: You were supposed to watch the parking lot

freshprinceofbelair: I’m watching it on the security cameras as we speak? There is no banner?

andpeggy: Unless, of course

freshprinceofbelair: ...Shuri

freshprinceofbelair: She hacked the footage

andpeggy: Oh my fucking christ Peps there are chickens

saltandpepper: Are you sure it’s not just white plastic bags

andpeggy: Well Loki is on the roof petting them so I’m assuming so??

andpeggy: Barnes just pulled up so fast I thought he was going to run into the school what was that

saltandpepper: Just get to the gym so we can tell Maria this night is a disaster

 

—

 

file name: homecoming king(s)2018.mov

date: 11/16/18

duration: 2:55

The camera overlooks a crowd of formally-dressed students chattering. Vice Principal MARIA HILL stands on stage above them, covering the microphone with her hand. The frequency makes the students cover their ears and quiet down immediately.

MARIA HILL clears her throat. She speaks with professionalism. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for coming to Marvel High School’s 2018 homecoming dance, hosted by the Student Council and everyone who helped make this event as organized and exciting as it is. Has everyone had fun?”

The crowd lets out a chorused agreement. A few cheer and clap, some even screaming.

MARIA HILL grins as Student Council Vice President PEGGY CARTER hands her a folded piece of paper, whispering into her ear quickly with her eyebrows drawn tightly. MARIA HILL brings her hand to her mouth, murmuring something back. She brings the microphone back to her mouth.

“I—I apologize, everyone, I must be excused. Please refrain from leaving the cafeteria for the time being, while...” MARIA HILL looks below her at a row of students silently. “...while Tony Stark announces our Homecoming King and Queen!”

TONY STARK steps onto the stage while grinning, giving MARIA HILL a small nod and barely audibly saying “I gotcha, M’lady.” He accepts the folded piece of paper as MARIA HILL, PEGGY CARTER, PEPPER POTTS and T’CHALLA scurry off and disappear through the doors.

“So...lets start by saying, what a turn out, right?! Now I know ya’ll have been looking forward to this, more specifically for us to announce who’ll be getting free popularity for 2 weeks before being completely forgotten about.” The crowd laughs in a scattered, almost hesitant fashion. “Also, don’t tell Fury or Coulson, but there may or may not be a huge banner saying ‘suck this dick, thanos’ and chickens all over the roof. You didn’t hear that from me.”

TONY STARK looks back at the paper in his hands. “I guess I can stop stalling now. Even though we all already know who won, and let’s face it, it wasn’t me. There’s always Prom, amirite, ladies? Okay, fuck—uh, our Homecoming Queen is...”

He opens up the paper and visibly lights up. 

“Natasha Romanov!”

The crowd cheers loudly. The camera pans to CLINT BARTON, WANDA MAXIMOFF and SAM WILSON pushing NATASHA ROMANOV onto the stage. She appears disgruntled but remains smiling as a freshman places a plastic crown on her head. TONY STARK hands her the microphone before giving her a small hug.

“Uh...first off, I’d like to thank Loki Odinson for telling me that I wouldn’t win against Carol Danvers anyways so don’t bother preparing a speech.” The crowd laughs. CLINT BARTON woos. “And, well, I never wanted to win this anyways. Honestly Valkyrie deserved it way more but thanks I guess.”

She looks into the crowd. “And I just want to thank all my dumb loser friends for just being there even when I act like an ass and...yeah. That’s it.”

The students loudly cheer, clapping and wooing. TONY STARK accepts the microphone from NATASHA ROMANOV and turns to the audience. 

“What a great speech! Don’t worry, Natty, we love you even if you’re too much of a sap to admit it. Okay, now for Homecoming king. Fingers crossed that it’s not Thor Odinson. How predictable would that be? That douche didn’t give me back my pen this morning, just remember that. At least he’s hot. But not as hot as my boyfriend, hey Stephen, I love you. Our homecoming king is...”

TONY STARK opens the paper again. He screeches as he reads it. 

“Bucky Barnes!”

The room roars with cheering. The spotlight scans the crowd for BUCKY BARNES, but he is nowhere to be found. Everyone looks around for him, murmuring.

BUCKY BARNES runs into the cafeteria through the double doors, out of breath, with STEPHEN STRANGE not far behind. “I’m here! I’m right here!”

There is more cheering, louder than before. TONY STARK waves him onto the stage as BUCKY BARNES readjusts his tie. A freshman places a crown over his head of messy hair as he gives a lopsided smirk, and NATASHA ROMANOV claps with a fond smile.

BUCKY BARNES holds the microphone to his mouth. “H-Hey, guys, sorry ‘m late, I-I had something to take care of, before, uh...” He takes a big breath. “Congrats, Natty. You really deserve this. Thank you. Thank you to my amazing friends, who have taught me more about myself than I can describe. Thank you, Clint, Sam, Nat, and Peter, who I consider my family. You’re my best friends in the world.”

SAM WILSON yells from below. “Go on with it so we can go home!”

BUCKY BARNES laughs. “And...thank you to all of you, who have been so supportive ever since I came back to school with a metal arm and...well, obvious PTSD. You all helped me heal, and I, uh, can’t thank you enough. I feel free for the first time in years. Like I can conquer the world.” He pauses. “Which is why...I’m gonna do somethin’ I’ve been wanting to do for a while.”

He looks into the audience, and throws the microphone behind him. TONY STARK catches it perfectly with a confused look as BUCKY BARNES jumps down onto the dance floor. The crowd parts into a path for him, while someone waits at the end.

The camera pans to BUCKY BARNES pulling STEVE ROGERS into a kiss. 

Everyone in the gymnasium screams in excitement. TONY STARK scrambles for the microphone and points to the camera. “You got that, Eddie?!”

“Yeah, there’s no fucking way in hell we’re cutting that out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..i think i’m gonna write one more chapter after this:/


	46. endgame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nattytaffy: Not to show emotion or anything but that just made me tear up
> 
> wintersmoulder: lets go jojo siwa cult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so ridiculously late that im almost embarrassed lmao. i’m really sorry, i know this finale has been hyped up and it must suck that i made you wait for 5 days and it’s still not that great. i just really didn’t have the motivation or time to get this out quick enough
> 
> i just wanted to thank you all for making this dumb fic so special to me, seriously writing skate fast eat ass has been such a ride and i’m so happy my first fanfic ever has gotten this much love even when i went through my worst in the past few months. these kids are so special to me i stg
> 
> let’s do this one last time

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)

friday, 11:49 PM

mrmischief: okay i wasn’t inside to witness it but how crazy was that

mercwithamouth: good thing eddie recorded it how convenient

wintersmoulder: you’re a riot

falconfratboy: Look who’s talking mr ‘IM GONNA DO SOMETHING IVE BEEN WANTING TO DO FOR A WHILE’

falconfratboy: I was drunk like 2 hours ago but that. That sobered me up

falconfratboy: Wow i wonder where steve and bucky went

wintersmoulder: we’re on a date fCUK OFF

irondaddy: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

mercwithamouth: NATASHA GAVE ME AND PETEY THE CROWNS SO TECHNICALLY?? WE WON

peterparkour: HELL YEAH

greenandmean: ...So this was the best homecoming in this school so far

nattytaffy: Phat agree

irondaddy: okay all the attention is on stucky tonight (it’s literally trending on the school’s tumblr rn) but let’s not forget the fact that thanos is screaming in front of his car

wizardsonlyfools: Receipts

wandawoman: Pictures or it didn’t happen

irondaddy: (CURSEYOUODINSONS.mov)

mercwithamouth: oh shit why should loki and hela get all the credit when it was scott and i who did it

mrmischief: i have a grudge against that asshole and he knows it

toomuchscotty: :(

toomuchscotty: i’m gonna head out at 12 so i might not see you all so byeeee later sk8rs i’ll see u after the war<3333

wintersmoulder: bye scottttttt

mercwithamouth: farewell scotty

katniss: aaAnt kid

 

—

 

wizards of waverly place  
members:  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

saturday, 11:55 PM

mrmischief: WANDA IS SLOW DANCING WITH NATASHA ROMANOFF!!! THIS IS NOT A FUCKIBN DRILL PEOPLE

toomuchscotty: HOLY SHIT

mrmischief: WHY ARENT YOU DANCING WITH HOPE YOU ANT

toomuchscotty: HER FEET ARE SORE SO WE’RE SITTING DOWN

toomuchscotty: JSJSJ BESIDES DID YOU EVEN GET THE CHICKENS UP WITH HELA

mrmischief: YES WE’RE WAITING TO SEE IF HILL HAS THE BALLS TO CALL THE POLICE

mrmischief: oh shit don’t look now

toomuchscotty: what

mrmischief: (stephenandtonydancing.png)

toomuchscotty: awwwwwwwww

 

—

 

FIGHT THE POWER  
members:  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)  
Tony Stark (irondaddy)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)

saturday, 12:12 AM

falconfratboy: I think clint and i are about to leave too

falconfratboy: Bye guys

nattytaffy: See you on Monday dumbasses

wizardsonlyfools: Be safe

greenandmean: Use protection

irondaddy: same energy^^

falconfratboy: Nah he’s too drunk to function let alone consent

greenandmean: Oh that’s Loki’s fault

greenandmean: He spiked the punch

wintersmoulder: guys what does it mean when steve ferociously types on his phone while muttering gibberish

rawrimadinothor: He is most likely about to send you something long and profound!!

nattytaffy: Yeah

wandawoman: Aww

wintersmoulder: i’m gonna cry hang on

irondaddy: ironstrange really did this ladies and gentlemen

wizardsonlyfools: :-)

mercwithamouth: bow to your queen

peterparkour: and king uwu

starspangledsteve: That’s so iconic

irondaddy: be safe you nasties

starspangledsteve: SLUSHEES. SLUSHEES

wintersmoulder: WERE GETTIN SLUSHEES

nattytaffy: Even I don’t believe that

 

—

 

barnes and noble  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

saturday, 12:30 AM

starspangledsteve: So originally I wrote this huge wall of text in my notes (almost 1000 words lol) describing everything I adore about you and how perfect you are, because you really do mean everything to me and you’re one of the most unbelievably amazing people I’ve never met in my life, but I thought that it would be way too much to read and it might be too soon so I decided to summarize it in a few words

starspangledsteve: I love you

wintersmoulder: you’re an idiot steve rogers

starspangledsteve: So...

wintersmoulder: i love you too

wintersmoulder: a lot

starspangledsteve: :’)

wintersmoulder: u wanna send it anyways?

starspangledsteve: Sure

starspangledsteve: I remember the first day I saw you in freshman year, when I was still 5’2 and got shoved into lockers for picking fights every five minutes. I remember you sitting in the back of the cafeteria alone every day and Nat hitting Tony every time he made a crude joke about you, and I remember the day we saw that police report about you found at the bottom of the bridge while everyone was debating on whether or not it was an accident (I always knew it wasn’t). I remember you not coming back the next year for sophomore, then having to leave the school in Junior and seeing you on Natasha’s snapchat with a metal arm and long hair. The only thing that stayed the same about you was those icy blue eyes, and when you came to talk to me during my shift at work the same day as the 7 year anniversary of when my dad left, I’d never been so surprised in my life. I’m so obsessed with everything about you, like your hair that i never understand how you get it so soft wtf and your eyes and the way you laugh and how you light up when someone mentions your friends because you care so fucking much. I’m so in love with you that I’m scared

starspangledsteve: That’s half of it the rest makes me cringe

wintersmoulder: steve oh my god

wintersmoulder: you really are a hopeless romantic aren’t you babe

starspangledsteve: Hhaha yeah

wintersmoulder: i’m not good with words

wintersmoulder: but i love you a lot

wintersmoulder: i didn’t realize it before but i know i do

starspangledsteve: That’s okay. I’m happy with anything from you that I can get

starspangledsteve: I love you

wintersmoulder: wanna get off our phones and make out

starspangledsteve: Yes

 

—

 

the odinsons  
members:  
Thor Odinson (rawrimadinothor)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Hela Odinson (helayeahman)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)

saturday, 1:09 AM

rawrimadinothor: Where are you both

rawrimadinothor: Bruce is practically asleep on his feet we’re going home

helayeahman: oh yeah.you exist

helayeahman: the rat boy is on the golf cart being chased down by the resource officer

helayeahman: and if you hear the cooking by the book remix and the sound of confetti canons going off in the parking lot

helayeahman: don’t look back

rawrimadinothor: Please be home soon

rawrimadinothor: And please don’t let Loki get arrested:(

helayeahman: no promises

greenandmean: hhhhahajjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

saturday, 1:31 AM

wintersmoulder: i really am about to cry i wish there was a way to know you’re in the good days before you have to leave them

nattytaffy: You’re still in high school

wintersmoulder: we’re gonna graduate soon:((

nattytaffy: In, like, 7 months

wintersmoulder: that’s 20 years too soon

peterparkour: theyre kicking everyone out of the gym btw

falconfratboy: Good thing no one is throwing an after party because haha no

wintersmoulder: i’m having a crisis

katniss: yyyYOU. YOU NKOW WHAT U GOTTA DO????????

katniss: BUCKBCUK BUCKY MY MAIM MAN

falconfratboy: Clint how did you get your phone i put it in the kitchen

katniss: U JUS GODDA SL AP LIFE IN THE FAcE

katniss: 1)SKKATE FAST

katniss: 2) EAT ASS

katniss: GET RICH QUICK

peterparkour: LETS GET THIS BREAD

nattytaffy: Not to show emotion or anything but that just made me tear up

wintersmoulder: lets go jojo siwa cult

 

—

 

dirty gang  
members:  
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)  
Peter Quill (daddyquill)

saturday, 9:03 AM

mercwithamouth: EAT ASS GET RICH

toomuchscotty: i don’t pay u

katniss: WHAT THE FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sad that the first part of the series is over. but i’m also really proud. like i hope it’s been as fun for you all to read as it has for me to write it, even if i’ve stressed and lost sleep while pumping out chapters quickly enough. 
> 
> as i’ve said before, there is a sequel in the works. i’d like to take a small break before even publishing that though, so please be on the lookout for smoke grass sled fast in the future!! don’t worry, there’s way more to come.
> 
> thank you again :^)
> 
> \- author


	47. EPILOGUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what’s up y’all i finally got around to starting the sequel !! as suggested i’m posting the first chapter of sled fast here just so you all know that it’s up. you can find it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17556368/chapters/41372942) .

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (bossassbitch)  
Bruce Banner (greenandmean)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 10:40 AM

irondaddy: you know what conversation i just had with steve bruce bucky and thor in the wendy’s drive thru?? “so we got four four for fours??” “yeah we got four four for fours” “but i thought at first it was three” “no it was four four for fours for four for fours you dumb bitch”

irondaddy: i regret taking this morning class with them

irondaddy: i also regret stephen ever getting stucky back together this pda is giving me cavities

greenandmean: Imagine living with the Odinsons full time

greenandmean: A day is good if one of them doesn’t break a bone

peterparkour: omg

peterparkour: hey is everyone still on for the fair on saturday

irondaddy: yeah totally

irondaddy: bucky said ‘the fuck of course we are’

peterparkour: i think it’s gonna rain that’s why i was asking

greenandmean: Yeah I just checked the forecast

greenandmean: 85% chance

irondaddy: welp ig we’ll figure it out

irondaddy: bruce will you please hold your boyfriend back he is about to crash the fucking car

peterparkour: thor can’t drive confirmed

irondaddy: i swear i’m holding onto the ‘oh shit’ handle for dear life

peterparkour: that WHAT

irondaddy: the handle over the door

irondaddy: the oh shit handle

peterparkour: i’m weeping please don’t die before movie night

irondaddy: u got it

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 1:32 PM

wintersmoulder: MY MOM LOST MY OREOS

nattytaffy: How did she lose Oreos?

wintersmoulder: ASK HER

peterparkour: fight me on this but oreos are gross without milk

peterparkour: actually don’t fight me

peterparkour: i’m sensitive 

wintersmoulder: YOU KNOW ME BEING A GOOD SON AND VISITING MY FAMILY BEFORE MY NEXT CLASS

wintersmoulder: I JUST WANTED OREOS

katniss: there’s a stash in your closet from our last sleepover i thought

wintersmoulder: HOLY SHIT I FPRGEIRH ABOSJEH THAT

falconfratboy: Your last sleepover was in march???

katniss: oreos don’t expire 

falconfratboy: Not to be a plunger and bring up old shit but remember last year when we found you sitting in a bathtub full of oreos that went bad in 2009

katniss: we don’t talk abt that

wintersmoulder: no but like i wanted oreos and steve is in class and won’t buy me any:(((((

peterparkour: did you actually ask him? i’m sure he will once he’s out :0

wintersmoulder: no 

falconfratboy: THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BOTHERING US

wintersmoulder: WHATEVER 

 

—

 

barnes and noble  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Steve Rogers (starspangledsteve)

tuesday, 1:50 PM

wintersmoulder: babe

wintersmoulder: baby baby baby man

wintersmoulder: my main man baby 

wintersmoulder: remember how i totally rocked ur world the other night and u said u’d make it up to me

wintersmoulder: u love me right

starspangledsteve: What snack do you want me to buy now

wintersmoulder: i rlly want oreos but mom threw them out then window and the pack i have in my closet went bad in march :((

wintersmoulder: when u get out of art history at 2 will you buy em and come to my dumb family’s house

wintersmoulder: kelcee wants to see u too

starspangledsteve: Yeah sure

starspangledsteve: My mom wants you to come over for dinner later

wintersmoulder: yesssss

wintersmoulder: she’s gonna show me ur baby pictures

starspangledsteve: :(

starspangledsteve: I totally just got an angry glare from the prof for texting, by the way

wintersmoulder: <3

starspangledsteve: Jerk

wintersmoulder: punk

 

—

 

wizards of waverly place  
members:  
Wanda Maximoff (wandawoman)  
Loki Odinson (mrmischief)  
Stephen Strange (wizardsonlyfools)  
Scott Lang (toomuchscotty)

tuesday, 6:03 PM

wizardsonlyfools: Loki, where do you see yourself and the dirty gang being in 10 years

mrmischief: top of the empire state building why

toomuchscotty: oh shit i didnt know there was a jail at the top of the empire state building

mrmischief: why the fuck are you still breathing

toomuchscotty: twas a joke man as a member of the dirty gang im justified

wandawoman: He’s not wrong, though...

wizardsonlyfools: The only reason I’m asking is because Barton just tried to do a cartwheel in the dining hall and has a bloody nose

mrmischief: wow

toomuchscotty: awwwww i wish i could record it:(

wandawoman: Lmao we’re not in college yet dummy

toomuchscotty: ever since pietro broke his arm you’ve been a lot bitchier wanda

wandawoman: Sorry i’m just big mad because he keeps on forcing me to make him food as if he’s not the one who totaled my car in the first place

mrmischief: time to bring back this masterpiece 

mrmischief: (pietrosepiccarcrash.mov)

wizardsonlyfools: Biggest opp I know

toomuchscotty: riiippppp

wizardsonlyfools: Why are pancakes so damn thin

wandawoman: They are pancakes idk what to tell you://

wizardsonlyfools: Tony Stark has a pancake problem

mrmischief: tony is full of surprises huh

wizardsonlyfools: No this kid deadass brought tupperware to breakfast this morning and smuggled all the pancakes he could

wizardsonlyfools: And now he’s eating them for dinner as if he’s about to hibernate for 6 months

wizardsonlyfools: I’m so in love

toomuchscotty: wait i thought u spelt it like tupleware

wandawoman: No it’s tupplewear

mrmischief: Morons it’s tuperwear

wizardsonlyfools: I’m about to choke what is wrong with you

wizardsonlyfools: My boyfriend doesn’t know how to spell tupperware either I’m going to kill myself

wandawoman: It has an L doesn’t it!!!!!!??

mrmischief: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT WANDA

toomuchscotty: EVERYONE SAYS IT WITH AN L

toomuchscotty: TUPLEWARE

wizardsonlyfools: You’re on thin fucking ice

mrmischief: TUPERWEAR

wandawoman: Tupplewear

toomuchscotty: TUPLEWARE 

wizardsonlyfools: You all are iddiojhdbjsjsnsbsb. s. s snsnsn 

wizardsonlyfools added irondaddy to the chat

irondaddy: ITS TUPELWEAR

toomuchscotty: WHAT THE FUCK

wizardsonlyfools: Wow the weather looks great tonight

mrmischief: FUCK YOU

wandawoman: TAKE YOUR PILLS AND CRY ME A RIVER ODINSON!

mrmischief: FUCK YOU

irondaddy: IM AN ENGINEER MAJOR BITCH TRY ME I THINK ID KNOW HOW TO SPELL

wizardsonlyfools: I’m a med student and I’m apparently the only one who knows what google is

toomuchscotty: ITS TUPLEWARE 

irondaddy: I JUST CANT BELIEVE NO ONE HERE KNOWS HOW TO SPELL

wizardsonlyfools: Please eat your pancakes

irondaddy: NO

wizardsonlyfools removed irondaddy from the chat

toomuchscotty: FINE I KNOW WHO CAN SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL

wandawoman: WHO

toomuchscotty added nattytaffy to the chat

wandawoman: NATTY

nattytaffy: I’ve been summoned

nattytaffy: Hi Wanda :-)

mrmischief: LES BIANS

toomuchscotty: HOW DO YOU SPELL TUPLEWARE 

nattytaffy: What

wizardsonlyfools: Tupperware*

mrmischief: SHUT THE FUCK UP

nattytaffy: Just call it plastic container and get over yourselves

toomuchscotty: that’s not how it works

nattytaffy: I’m trying to treat Clint’s bloody nose 

nattytaffy: Give up and settle

wandawoman: We’re still on for movie night right :3

nattytaffy: Sure are

mrmischief: yuck affection get out.i’m cringing

nattytaffy: (middlefingeremojix10)

nattytaffy left the chat

wandawoman: That’s the person i’m gay for <33333333

mrmischief: get the fuck out

wizardsonlyfools: Because of you he’s dragging me to the store to buy tuppleware to see how it’s spelt. I hope you’re happy douchebags

 

—

 

jojo siwa cult™  
members:  
Bucky Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Natasha Romanoff (nattytaffy)  
Clint Barton (katniss)  
Sam Wilson (falconfratboy)  
Peter Parker (peterparkour)

tuesday, 6:56 PM

wintersmoulder: steve and i just ran to target to buy butter for his mom and we found tony having a mental breakdown repeating ‘TUPPERWARE’ over and over again

wintersmoulder: and stephen is pretending not to know him

peterparkour: what i thought it was tuppelware???

wintersmoulder: oh idk actually 

katniss: its always a fun time at target

peterparkour: is clint okay?? i saw sam’s instagram story

falconfratboy: Yeah he’s fine, lucifer’s waterfall is crashing down from his nose that’s all

nattytaffy: I told you not to dare him to do a cartwheel, Sam

falconfratboy: I didn’t think he’d actually do it

wintersmoulder: u obviously don’t know clint barton then

peterparkour: rip 

falconfratboy: Cough

falconfratboy: So peter how was school today

peterparkour: it was cool wade and i got caught making out in the iconic janitor’s closet

wintersmoulder: omfg by who

peterparkour: some freshman named miles

peterparkour: wade just handed him the broom and closed the door i was crying

wintersmoulder: i’m like still in epileptic shock from when you two started grinding at sam’s birthday party

peterparkour: we were hammered so it doesn’t count

falconfratboy: O

nattytaffy: Peter lost his innocence as soon as we left

peterparkour: well

peterparkour: someone has to keep your legacy going

wintersmoulder: isn’t that the dirty gang’s job

peterparkour: nope they’re just the ones who steal pencils and smoke in the bathroom

falconfratboy: That’s exactly what we did

peterparkour: yeah but. dirty gang 

katniss: DIRTY GANG DIRTY GANG DIRTY GANG DIRTY GANG

nattytaffy: Get on top of the fridge. Right now.

katniss: THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be sure to leave a kudos on smoke grass babey :^) i’m kinda scared about starting over but jsjsjs i’m excited but not at the same time
> 
> additional notes and information is over there as well!! thank you guys again for everything:)

**Works inspired by this one:**

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